THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 268, 12 November 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWf' l

M.P. My politics arc white as snow. All others are quite black. If I'm elected for a seat I'll bring sweet progress back: And everyone will have .a job With heaps of £ s d. The earth shall blossom like a rose When I am made M.l*. Free land, free beer, free trade, free feeds. Pensions for everyone. Oh, life will be one glad, sweet song Beneath the golden sun. All that you have to do, dear sir, Is just to vote for me, I'll srive you everything you want When I am made M.P. It's over—and I've scooped the job. Oh, lucky people who Have got the man they voted for. The man who'd die for you ! I hear the party whips—l go. The leader's voice is bold, "Hey, Boggs ! This way—you just sign here, And do as you are told."

It is a beautiful thought on an Armistice Day that many gallants are represented to little people (who know nothing about war) by trees. Yesterday in IN MEMORY. many places throughout

New Zealand, notorious for its destruction of trees, many children placed wreaths at the foot of already lusty trees commemorating the sacrifices of their relatives. It seems to one the height of courage for ageing people to gather beneath these commemorative trees, which may still tell their story in hundreds of years, and to think dry-eved of the past. The old man, who, before a tree planted in memory of a dear son can control himself to speak grateful words for the sacrifice, is of the stuff the hero boys were made. A tree is in all things fitting to mark the passing of a soldier. These memorial trees have already become sacred. They are reverenced by the successors of the slain. They are history. They are evergreen. Some day perhaps the citizen who commemorates Armistice Day may put his hand on the great bole of a giant memory tree and say: "This was planted in the days before war was abolished."

Delightful romances of real life come from Home. One reads that a wet and consumptive burglar, climbing a balcony, fell through a

window of Sir Gerald du ART AND Maurier's house. The celeROMANCE. brated actor politely bade him enter, condoled with him and apparently did him in a most gentlemanly manner. Another thoughtless man, instead of handing him the unlocked tantalus and a choice cigar, might have bonneted him with some blunt implement and spoilt a very pleasant story. By the way, Gerald's father, George, could tell a story. He's the only black-and-white artist who ever made a character live in print. Everybody knows Trilby. When Gerald was a small boy his father was drawing those aristocratic pictures for "Punch," pictures of extremely large and lovely ladies, exquisite, slim-waisted men, and so forth. Curious thing about Du Maurier was that he couldn't draw the "lowah clawses." Even the servant girls were quite as aristocratic as their mistresses. Did you ever notice that that exceedingly fine artist, Bernard Partridge, reverses the process? His aristocrats all look like very handsome domestics dressed up. Phil May never drew a duke who looked like a dustman, or a dustman who looked like an earl. Remember his picture of a half-dozen easily-recognisable celebrities at dinner with several waiters standing behind? One waiter says to another: "Well, Fred, they may 'ave the brains, but we 'as the good looks."

A Parliamentary candidate ought to go into the fray believing in himself. He certainly does go into the fray disbelieving in his opponent and inferSUPERIOR ring that of all the bad COMPLEX, men still unhung his opponent is the worst. In all other forms of contest it is usual to concede some virtues, and a man isn't worth fighting unless he has some skilL The idea of walking the earth feeling superior to the common clay i® a . refreshing experience and is not unknown to individuals whose form of worship is the only possible form, those disagreeing being marked for most unpleasant punishment. It is rather neatly set down: We are the chosen few: All others will be damned. There is no room In heaven for you; We can't have heaven crammed.

Civic pride, after family pride, is the foundation of the greatness of a nation. The first inebriate to be fined ten shillings in a ___ __ newly-painted courthouse THE BRIBE. will probably clip the paragraph and hand it down as an heirloom. The following illustrates what one means and is passed on so that New Plymoutheans the world over may rejoice and f )e . g lad: "The New Plymouth courthouse buildings have been given a much-needed coat of paint, which has given them a much more dignified appearance than they have borne for many years. The ground work is an ivorv colour with red facings on the window frames and sashes, and the doors have been painted dark. The paragraph is gleaned from a southern metropolitan newspaper, thus spreading the good news to the nation. Might one suggest there is a lurking sense of humour in the Public Works Department? Ivory, of course suggests the purity of the justice to be obtained within the courthouse; red is naturally added as a danger signal to the wrongdoer, and the dark door clearly indicates as plain as a whisper in the ear, "All hope abandon ye who enter here." Referring this matter of pigmentation to a friend who is on another side of politics, he darkly said: "Ha' The Guv'mint knows wot it's a-doin' of. It's an election bribe!"

Dear M.A.T., —I do not know whether you are a personal friend, but you must be a nodding acquaintance, for all great people are „ acquainted that way. I THE WAY OUT. am writing this that you ... 05111 pass it on for what V S r. to A he con fident man with his coat off who has achieved so much and fully expects to be returned to power again. This is mv suggestion to him on how to run the country • He should have a wwference with Sir Joe and tT IT j ntl make them agree to import Mr Lloyd George and pay him with one of those millions, thus knocking the cocked hat out of Lord Birkenhead's £15,000 job, and ask him to devise a land policy for the Government. wou,d be acceptable to all, as the little Welsh wizard is known to all as the best man for getting things done, as was shown during the war. Hurry now, dear M.A T before it is too late.—Tam. '

I, The world is much better than it used to be—much. It used to be possible to bribe electors, and there is a story based on fact of a candidate making a emmets mob of electors inebriated SCOLD S BRIDLE, and locking them up so ~.A „ that there would be no possibility of mistake at the poll. Not so many years ago elections for British seats were decided on the voices or on the hands. The people gathered in the street and the "Ayes" or Aoes had it. Women took a lesser part. 2Sow they are emancipated they add interest. A story comes from Wellington that a lady elector smacked a man in the face and bonv e< L a f e i!° w , w °man. How much more enlightened than in the old days, when a lady who became too vocal or pugilistic would be instantly suppressed and very likely introduced the Scold s Bridle," an arrangement that made it impossible for the person wearing it Scold ' s Brid,e wa * to day applicable to both men and women most of can<ii<iat€B would be entitled to!