THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 259, 1 November 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) TALKY-MOVIE. Talky-Movie pictures are coming to New Zealand. I used to like the pictures so, I simply loved a movie show. The darkness was so sweet. It was so restful, not a sound, And fellow sleepers all around Enjoyed the calm retreat. Now that the movie pictures talk As well as run and jump and walk, It almost makes me weep. I wander round the noisy town. Where shall I now go to sit down To have my daily sleep? Dear M.A.T., —Extracting the lacteal fluid

from a recalcitrant heifer this evening and cogitating on butterfat, the political situation and the monkey on the THE PLEDGE, roof, I bethought me of a conundrum: Why is the Reform Government like a pawnbroker's shop? Because it is full of unredeemed pledges.—J.O.

Communicated by a gentleman who wore kilts in his infancy, and therefore admissible without prejudice to wearers of the tartan. The Scot asked his wife BUSINESS DEAL, what she proposed cook-

ing for dinner. She had decided on a leg of mutton. He objected on tho ground that times being hard a leg of mutton was too expensive. "What about a pound of steak?" She pointed out that a pound of steak would be too little for themselves and six bairns, but he said if she would leave it to him he would fix it. The steak was cooked and tabled and there was boiled pudding, too. Father addressed the family: "Which will you children have; a bit of steak or a penny each?" There was a chorus of, "Penny, dad!" He carefully paid to each a penny. Father and mother ate the steak. Then, drawing the boiled pudding towards him, father asked: "Who wants a pennyworth of pudding ?"

It is perfectly right that aiders and abettors in all composite achievements should receive due acknowledgment, and thus one

reads such kindly ACKNOWLEDGMENT, literature as this :

"Boon.—On April 1 to Mr. and Mrs. A. Boon, twins. Thanks to Dr. Blessing and Nurse Best." Following this kind-hearted precedent one finds other printed expressions of thankfulness. In the theatrical world, for instance, one finds that the boots in the production are made by Elfer Lether and Co., the wigs by Herr Suit und Cie, the scenery by Mons Palette, and so forth. But in a recent programme a refinement has been added. Thus: "The eau de Cologne used in this production is the product of Messrs. ." Not a word about the captain of industry who clothed the beautiful nether limbs of the ladies of the chorus.

The lady, momentarily indignant, intended to advertise her loss, but, rightly deciding that she might repair the loss by spending at

a grocer's the money she SINCERE HOPE, would otherwise spend on the advertisement, she decided to remain voiceless. Here is what she would have said if she had published it: "The mother whose baby's powder and soap were stolen from the pram outside the Plunket rooms in Ponsonby hopes the thief will retain that schoolgirl complexion at the baby's expense."

Fred bounded towards M.A.T., the rich red bowl of a new pipe in one hand and the stem in the other. He exhibited with glee a bit of brass sticking out GOT A FILL? of the stem. It looked

like a young aeroplane propeller, and he said it was put there to prevent the nicotine killing him. M.A.T. asked him if anybody had tried to save Walter Raleigh's life from nicotine, and he didn't know. Asked him, too, if during his tobaccostained career he had previously tried to save his life with health gadgets inserted in the stem, and he said he'd given Dr. Morell Mackenzie's life saver a go, had tried blotting paper, a clinker in the bowl, plain unclinkered bowls and stems without device, and he felt just the same, thank you. M.A.T. knows a smoker aged ninety-two who has smoked a short clay pipe since 1860 and will ask him to prolong his life by using a health device. Also a letter will be dispatched to Sir James Barrie, of "My Lady Nicotine" fame, beseeching him to put a brass propeller in his pipe. There are tens of thousands of men in the world ruining their health by smoking tobacco through a bit cf bored stick and a corn cob. M.A.T. will write to them and trv to save their lives.

Eminent business men still persist that all the fire losses in New Zealand are not accidental. This persistence calls to mind an

interesting conflagration FINANCIAL AID. in which comedy combined with danger. In the living room of a grocer's establishment a kerosene lamp, suspended over the dining table, fell on the table and set fire to the cloth, spreading with remarkable rapidity. The ladv of the house caught up her baby and fled, the shopkeeper was too flurried to do anything \ passer-by, in a heroic mood, ran 'in, took a scoop and dashed copious doses of salt and flour from neighbouring bins on the blaze and made a very good fist of it. It is recalled that the storekeeper, who thus saw ins hopes of insurance dashed, savagely said to the amateur fireman, '*Here, what are vou watting ? y .5 ou L and sa,t for? And anyway it's my lire! 11,0 amateur sadly left the 'shop. A hopeful breeze blew up, the fire revived and the storekeepers wishes were fulfilled. Wouldn't wonder if he doesn't become a Parliamentary candidate some da v.

From the far. far south comes a man who is making a. tour per motor car of the far far north. He is highly complimentary about NOTTA7V ev «Tthina; except the NOT LAZY. roads that lead into this i V ii- * , , fan " t ' it - Vj alul wonders if \\oillupton people know that Auckland is two and a bit times larger than Wellington. He is a stout, comfortable looking fellow, and drivSif B °On U f h !V gi . V ° S him » Merely ga.t On foot he says he has had to go for his hfe in Queen Street, and it doesn't suit him. "Don't you think," M.A.T. asked "that so much motoring makes people lazv?" And Amos, with a merry twinkle in his"blue eye answered: "Not pedestrians!" J ' A Southern magistrate laid it down durng a case ,n winch a husband had broke,, his back and was in arrears for maintenance that MEMORY TFct 1 " lan ' S Wifc is his flrs t MEMORY TEST, charge, even though she i-innn „ i T be a fi,m ac tress earning £1000 a week. It would be simpler in the case of a film actress, should she sue for maintenancc, ,f she were able to claim from all her husbands Many, businesslike, not trusting to memory, keep lists of them. THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. The clergyman does not usually want to be made a bishop only because he believes that no other hand can, as firmly as his, direct the diocese. He wants to be made bishop primarily because he may be called my Lord.—Ruskin • • • Woman makes half the sorrow which she boasts the privilege to soothe.—Lord Lvtton • • • . He who doth not smoke hath either known