ELECTION QUIPS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 259, 1 November 1928, Page 10

ELECTION QUIPS.

FROM VARIOUS PLATFORMS.

LIGHTER SIDE OF POLITICS.

GOATS, LIME AND V.C.'S

"When I get into the House I'm going to Bee that farmers get more lime," said Mr. Fitzherbert, official Reform candidate for Grey Lynn, last night. ,

"What sort, bird lime?" suggested a wag in the audience.

"You ought to have some of that," said the candidate.

Mr. Fitzherbert, speaking of motherhood endowment, said that every woman who gives birth to a child should receive the Victoria Cross and £25 from the Government. He was also in favour of importing Angora goats, and allowing returned soldiers to take up this light and profitable occupation. "You mean Angora rabbits!" said a voice. "Yes, that's what I meant, but there are a few goats here to-night." "Are you speaJking for yourself?" asked the interjector. (Laughter.) "THE BETTER 'OLE." "My opponents in Wellington South are a terribly pessimistic pair," said Mr. J. Burns, the United party candidate, at Newtown. "Mr. McKeen has announced his intention of throwing a bomb into the opponents' camp, which suggests that he thinks desperate measures necessary. I don't know how much experience Mr. McKeen hag had of bomb throwing, but anyhow, I am not worrying. Mr. Luckie has stated on the platform that if Labour succeeds the Dominion will collapse, and the only conclusion I can come to is that both sides are 'windy,' and that under the circumstances the best advice I can give the electors is that they should make for the 'better 'ole'—the United party." (Laughter.)

HE FOUND OUT. The unemployed problem and the folly of shipping strikes were two of the subjects dealt with by Mr. Dunbar Sloane, Reform candidate for Wellington Central, at Clyde Quay. A. Voice: Have you ever worked on a ship? Mr. Sloane: Yes, I hav?. worked down a stokehold in the tropica. The Voice: What strike was that? Mr. Sloane: It was not a strike. The war was on, and after coming up from below I coughed up coal and dust for a week. I went down into the stokehold to see what it was like. (Applause and laughter.) "HYPOCRITICAL TEARS." "The Reform party is indulging in hypocritical tears over the United party's proposal to borrow seventy millions,'' said Mr. John Burns, the United candidate for Wellington South. "They are putting across the bluff that Ward can't do it. Why, they are doing it themselves all the time, but withdut a definite policy. It is the incidence and accumulation of non-productive loans that affect our credit abroad, and Sir Joseph Ward is not proposing to increase that."

MEMBERS' FAULTS. "I believe that in Parliament to-day we have the poorest critics that have been there for many a long day," declared Mr. K. McLennan, United party candidate for Wellington Suburbs. "I believe we have men whose voices are never heard, and I think I could mention names of members elected to represent different constituencies, and you would say to me that you have never heard of them. If I get into Parliament, though, you will hear of me there. And, another thing, it is pathetic to notice how many members there are who go to sleep when they should be wide awake attending to the business of their country. And how many members are there who are not members at all? There are men who are merely votes, and that has been proved in the present Reform regime." MAKING THE MONEY FLY.

The Labour party was always asking for increased expenditure on pensions, relief work wages, and numerous other things, remarked Mr. T. Forsyth, official Reform candidate for Wellington East, but its members never suggested where the money was coming from. In regard to such matters it seemed to be a ca?e of

Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to make it fly,

so far aa the Labour party was concerned. (Applause and laughter.) The Labour party also wanted to reduce Customs taxation, but again did not say where the necessary revenue to replace the reduced duties was to come from.

A Voice: Tax the big squatters. Thev pay no income tax. (Applause.) Mr. Forsyth: They pay land tax. The Voice: But should not they pay income tax too? "A CROOK HAND."

Holding up a cartoon from a Reform newspaper, Mr. A. J. Stallworthy caused much laughter at his meeting in the Church of Christ, Walters Road, last night. He said it was rather remarkable that the artist had missed the point of the coalition between the Reform party and the Labour Socialist party as indicated by Mr. Parry, who had said that Labour was rather fond of the Reform party, but hated the United party, and would fight it to death. Mr. Parry should have bracketed the Reform party and the Labour party as going together along the road to ruin. Mr. Stallworthy provoked roars Of laughter by drawing the attention of large audience to the fact that the artist had put on the Reform hand, ostensibly pointing to prosperity, five fingers and a thumb; Some unkind people designated this as a "crook hand " Mr. Stallworthy said he would content himself by remarking that it was an unnatural hand.

"I'M AN IRISHMAN." A subtle shaft of humour swept from the Emerald Isle over Mr. Stallworthy's meeting at Walters Road, Mount Eden. A peristent questioner wanted to know who put the Reform Government in power. The candidate's reply was «£■*• *dult electors of the Dominion." •No,' said the questioner, amidst roars, pf laughter, "it was the P.P.A." (More laughter.) Mr. Stallworthy added that! the world was big and beautiful and full of variety, There was room for every decent eitisen, and no true patriots should be divided on a question of religion when the interests of the (country were at stake. (Prolonged applause). The candidate said numbers of Dalmatians had supported "Reform," when the questioner said, "I'm not a Dalnaation, Ptt an Irishman," and Mr. Stanwerth, Joist* with tha nN£ta» fa eonvulakm. of laughtw.