IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 255, 27 October 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

"Well, how did I get up here J"

I ( : —— : —-1 * r ° r •"• *•* anecdote sent in each week a _t ■ \ nZe Five Shillm B .wai be .warded. WhSriSJVf mm JOT preference will be given to local .torie., contriL*. _ rßpct toon " "T ,1 no V b f or ;B inal v b, i t ™•■ •«• *• ■ source from which taken should be Mated. TfcZ ■ StOTV Edito f" e J«««<"» rnumt be regarded a* final jS I**"*"J anecdotes intended for competition must fci received at this office by the Monday precednw publication. The envelopes containing contribution* must I be endorsed with the words "Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner, and addressed Editor. The Auckland Star." Auckland

The prize this week goes to G. N. Carlsen, a, Airedale Street, Auckland City, for: WRONG FOS ONCE. The physiognomist was giving a demonstration of his powers, when he was asked to give the political leanings of several of his audience. Studying the faces of his assemblage for a while l-.e pointed to several in turn exclaiming, "You gentlemen are of the United party, am I right?" "Yes," was the reply from all concerned. Then pointing to another gentleman he said: "I feel safe in saying that you favour the Reform ■party." The one so addressed sat holt upright exclaiming: "Cut that out professor, I've been sick for a fortnight with the 'flu,' that's what's making me look like that." A VERY GOOD MAN. Missionary (to converted cannibal): You remember Dr. Marrowfat, I presume ? He was a very good man. I never learned what became of him? Cannibal: Yes, Dr. Marrowfat was a good man—rich and juicy, but just a leetle tough. OH, INDEED! Tommy (who had fetched a bucket out after tea to his rich grandmother who has come on a visit): Will you kick the bucket? Grandmother: What for? Tommy: Well, you see, I want to be rich, and daddy says that when you kick the bucket we shall be. THE SAME BARREL. An officer was inspecting an army canteen, and was shown two tankards of army beer. "One is sixpence a pint, sir, and that one eiglitpence," explained the sergeant. "I see," 6aid the officer, considering them. "Much difference between the two?" "Oh, no, sir; only twopence." NOT ON THE MAP. Neighbour's Little Girl: When did you get back, Mrs. Smith? Did you have a good time? Mrs. Smith: J haven't been away, my dear. "Haven't you, really? Well, I heard mother saying you and Mr. Smith had been at loggerheads for a week." LEAKAGES. Teacher; Now, Bobbie, tell us when is the harvest season?" Bobbie: From November to March. Teacher: Why, Bobbie, I am surprised that you should name such - barren months. Who told, you they were the harvest season? Bobbie: Dad; he's a plumber. HE'S HOLLOW. While waiting for the train, at the station two small boys watched an extremely stout man step on the automatic weighing machine. They pressed forward eagerly to read, the weight, but the machine being out of order, imagine their amazement when the indicator registered only thirty pounds. "Gosh!" remarked one of the boys, "he's hollow." IF NOT, WHAT? Host: Have a cigar? Guest: No, thanks; I don't smoke. Host: Have Si drink? Guest: I really don't drink. Host: Maybe you'd like to go in the ballroom and dance a bit. Guest: Sorry, but I don't dance. Host (desperately): Well, my wife has a ball of yarn and some needles, perhaps you'd like to knit a little? A BIT MUDDLED. A man who had dined rather too well was 011 his way home. It was after midnight, and as he crossed a bridge he saw the reflection of the moon on the water. He stopped and was gazing into the water when a policeman approached. The diner, addressing the policeman, said: "What's the matter down there?" "Why, it's the moon," replied the policeman.

; Doris: "He is so romantic, wW» me always uyi Te* = Rene: "That's only force of • * expect. He's a tram <vinHiy»f or _» *» .*• Mother (in the year 1990): "Sbrfi - S really have to speak to Wiliu ,sfc been flying backwards and forwaifcowri 1 . the Atlantic all afternoon, and he get that rice I wanted from Chi* f£. r C » dinner." -- -_^|||||| "It will be our silver wedding {mh! row, George," said the ' > "Shall we kill the pig!" "What's the good of murderiac tie poor pig for what happened t»cnlv. * five years ago!" asked her J yBilly, who was on holiday uncle's farm, came running into ffcft* .*• house in great excitement. "There's a " mouse in the milk-pail!" he cried. «;.• "Did you lift it out!" asked —-If sSg sai l B £ ly ' P rondl y» threw the cat in!" t The prim lady was dining and the waiter to find out tha title of UsSS piece the orchestra was playing,When he returned she had forgotten her request, and jumped vifK embarrassment when he bent towda her and softly whispered, "Whet fW r I Do to Make You Love Me!" • s^'

With Reservations. . 7. Hart: What do yon think of Tetkr?'Honesty seems printed onhis face. ' " Smart: Ye—es. With some allowtlK#'". for typographical errors, of coarse.So Sudden. ;- ;x She: We've been waiting a long tin* for that mother of mine. * " ' Cc' He: Hours, I should say. / ' _ She (rapturously): Oh, George! ; j . Too Short. '•'> Customer: I say, waiter, I ordered iced v~ shortcake. Where is the ice? Waiter: Oh, that's the new kind, (ir) that's what it's short of. . +/ 4 I Naturally. Angry Customer: Waiter, there's * dead fly in my eoup. This is tbe-oeeoad time that's happened." Waiter (sympathetically): Ah, poor things, it's boiling as Jills 'em! Casting the Play. . - i Bobby .(to sister who is mating » . £ : " cake): Let us play at "Zoo." HI be elephant. ~ Sister: What can I be? * Bobby: The dear ©Id lady who feA ij. him with cakes. > Popular. - v Lady (to applicant for position -oi governess): Why did you leave your kafr place? * " v Applicant: I refused to wash tiW/.-br children. , \ ft-kijj Children (in chorus): Oh, engage lOi, ¥ mamma. .. 3