TWO TALL STORIES.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 141, 16 June 1928, Page 3 (Supplement)

TWO TALL STORIES.

Seated upon an up-turned rowing boat, two old salts were recounting their adventures at sea, to a rapt audience of some half dozen children. "Mmph," granted Bill, "I remember one time, back in the 'eighties" (this was a popular term for something that happened, or might not have happened, and the date could not be clearly recalled), "when we were bound for Deadmen's Port, and the good old —yes, she waa certainly old—Singatoo sprung a leak. "Shiver me timbers! If we didn't work at them pumps, like niggers, day ?.nd night, we stuck to them, until on the fifth morn, the water ceased to flood the decks. Tired to death, we fell asleep as we stood, until the ship was like a scene from 'The Sleeping Beauty.' Well, on reaching our destination, we were jolly glad to see it, for in the food line we had got down to a cup o' rice per day, and chewing our finger nails. But, caulk me sides! when we took a peep at the leak, we found a giant sting-ray wrapped around It. Mmph! them was the times," finished Bill, as he pulled at his pipe.

"Aye, aye," sighed Jim, gutting a twiat of 'bacc w into hie mouth. "The funniest tale I ever heard tell was when I waa in the Islands," he began. "It is better than Bill's home-made nursery yarn, for old Murka told me himself." (This with a sly grin at Bill.) "Well, old Murka went down for pearls as per usual one day, and on starting for the sun ace, a shark objected and swallowed him." (Here a well-directed stream of tobacco juice hit a large rock nearby.) "Realising he was in a tight position, he found himself flying through the water, up into the air, and finally, with a thump, upon the deck of the pearling lugger." "Pretty party," said Bill. "Yea," modestly acknowledged Jim, "Murka scratched and kicked, until that •hark must have thought he had swallowed a hyphenated hedgehog. Then he tickled the shark and immediately there was a terrific sneeze, and Mnrka •hot up on to the lugger." After that I left them there, Bill, still polluting the air with "Shageye," and Jim, continually giving the rock a bath of 'baccy.

BOB'S PRIVUT NOTES.

Me an' Barn, has been in a very orkuard persitehun. Things has simmered down a bit now—but our oath there was a fearful fuse. We wos over to Browns' yard an' their priz>_ bull wos out—he cum at us an' we had to climb up the rails an' git on to the rufe. Barn tuk the top rale up with him. There wos a fearful crash an' the nex' think Barn fell thro' the rufe onto shed floor. The pole said up an* I grabbed it an' gave the 'ole bull a fearful crack just as he woe goin' fer Barn. The rale hit him on the horn an' knocked orf the shell an' he went on sum think orfuL Barn eskaped an' soon heaved up on top agen, but thar wos no seet in his trousers—it wos hangin' on a beem were he fell thro'., It woe late wen we got home an' the 'ole man wos wateing for us. *01e Brown had bean an' told him we had rooned his prize bull, an' damached his shed. As soon as we got a glimpse of the 'ole man's eye, we new there wos truble afoot, so we lit out up to Bill s plaice. Bill's ma cum to the door an' told us to cum in an' we did. We just got into the din in' room ware they wos ha\ln' tea, wen Barn remembered his trousers. He started to back out, but wos too late. They seen them an' everybudy screemed at him. There wos two lady visitors too, and' they neerly got convulshuns. Bill lent Barn a pair of his pants an' we had a comfertable tea—an' every now an' then some one would chuckle an' then they'd all larf. Barn wos fearful ratty. He cud have Ekalped them orL They orl wanted to kno' what had happened—but Barn just said casual like, "Oh, they got cort o. a beam in an 'ole shed!" I heer 'old 3rown hae gorn to the police about is to have us sent to a reformatory or However, he won't do himself much good thar, because the sargent is prutty kareful of me an' Barn as he gits the wind up, since he got a new poultry yard, an' me an' Barn helped to fix the nettin' an' he <sed we wos good sports. He thinks we will be after his chickens as he kno's we generally roon most of our fowls at home.