PARISIANA.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 141, 16 June 1928, Page 8 (Supplement)

PARISIANA.

PHILANTHROPY GONE WRONG ARE TENORS STUPID ? (By GEORGE CECIL.) A Parisian, in whom the milk of human kindness positively overflows, has made so very startling a suggestion to the authorities that his relatives contemplate removing him to a mental hospital. Having learned from a perusal of "The Pickwick Papers" (translated) that a debtor on the "poor side" in the Ffcet prison was allowed out for an hour every day, having declared—upon his honour—that he would return to durance vile, the Dickon's student pondered over this act of clemency. To ponder was to act, and in an utterly unheard of manner, for the pliilanthorpist, quickly seeking his study, penned an impassioned letter to the Premier, suggesting that all "good conduct" prisoners should, on their birthdays, be permitted to take a walk —unaccompanied by a vigilant warder. "They are men and brothers," ran the epistle. "Though stained in crime, 110 doubt each is, at heart, a man of honour. Having given | their parole, they perhaps will keep it."

The head of the department charged with the administration of France's severely disciplined gaols holds other views, fur less humane ones. "A prison is a prison.'' said the oflicial reply; "pampering is not for felons. I admit the 'perhaps,' but the 'perhaps not' also has to Lie considered." Officialism is ever stern. His Fatal Insularity. An Irishman, while lately passing through Paris, inquired of a travel aire 1 iey where he could lay in a stock of Knplisli provender for the next clay's journey to the Kiviera. "Oi don't belave in these foreign kickshaws," quoth the islander. "Oi was brought up to ate

good, lionest. wholesome food, and Oi can't spake Frineli, glory l>e to <Jod!" The young man at the ticket &liop could only gasp his astonishment; being u Parisian, lie considered that Continental wine and provisions were good enough for the most exacting connoisseur. But a British compatriot, overhearing the conversation, came to the Irishman's rescue. The pair routed out a Catholic priest, who iiist saw the light in Tipperary, and the voyager, conducted to a cook shop, ordered three pork pies, the obliging divine explaining to the astonished proprietor how they should be prepared. The morning's purchases included a flask of Irish whisky, for which the equivalent of a pound was charged. Begorrah! The unpleasant food thoroughlily satisfied the insular traveller, who devoured a pork pie for dinner, another at breakfast time, and a third for luncli, the fiery tipple also disappearing. . . . But in a

country which provide- ih-.- wines and the best cooking known to Christendom, he might have u>>ne better for himself. Nor was a hundred and twenty franc's worth of whisky a suitable exchange for a more interesting beverage. Deeds such as these make the French dislike the Briton. In Defence of the Tenor. Wlien von Bulow, angered at the airs and graces which Fanelli, a successful (and illiterate) Faust of the 'sixties, gave himself, announced the tenor to be a disease, the French, pining to go one better, bethought themselves of the unkind expression, "as stupid as a tenor." For 'decades no artist lias objected to these cruel words: they have been accepted with many other unpleasant things. Now, however the worm has turned. A Paris music critic, greatly daring, announced that, although every French tenor is able to read and write, the stigma is well deserved. This being more than flesh and blood could stand, a young Parisian, Turiddu, in whose veins revengeful Corsican blood (appropriately) flows, called at the oflice of the newspaper employing the scathing authority, and violently tweaked the offending fellow's nose. Such,, in fact, was the nature of the onslaught that the organ has, it is feared, been permanently disfigured. What once was a fine aquiline, is now a common snub, and its mortified possessor has brought an action, claiming heavy damages, against the warbler. His nose being pulled out of shape, the scribe lias been sent to the right-about by an immensely rich heiress, to whom lie had paid successful court. Mademoiselle only loved the gentleman for this (formerly) handsome feature. Thus, as ever, woman's inconstancy. Meanwhile, the editor of the news sheet is turning the lamentable affair to j account. For the belligerent singer has been permitted to contribute to the paper a screed iu praise of tenors. Appearing on the day that, the case is to lie heard, it will show that tenors are—and ever wen far removed from being stupid— quite intelligent persons, in fact.