THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 122, 25 May 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

BLACK MONDAY. On Sunday evening the two friends were sitting at the piano, the visitor looking through the stack of musical pieces. "Have you got 'Beloved, It Is Morn'?" "No, I haven't," said her friend, "and if I had it I'd put it in the fire. Who wants to be reminded of Monday morning and work'/" Here is an inch of wood, a piece cut from a thin batten. In the centre is what looks like a section of an old-time leaden bullet. But in the middle of this HEART OF rim of apparent lead are A TREE. several flakes of good raw gold, this having been proved by assay. The batten was from the end of the timber frame protecting a roll of newsprint paper used for the production of the "Star." The American axeman did not notice the gold, the lumberjack passed it by, the logliands in the mill did not see it, possibly because it was hidden from view in the heart of the log. The man at the breaking-down saw was probably thinking of other things as the gold hurtled past up the bench, and the man who worked the circular saw that bisected the gold hadn't a notion that he was crosscutting old American history. It passed through the hands of the case makers, carpenters, wharf labourers, tally clerks, lorry hands and unpackers. The case was ripped off and thrown in the newspaper yard. Then somebody bought a heap of firewood, another lorryman took it to a suburban home, and a gentleman eighty-three years young with keen eyes spotted it as he split the kindling. Suggested that this bit of gold might predate New Zealand history. It may have been "cached" in a tree fork by a digger. It may have been stuck upon the trunk of a young tree as a mark for rifle practice, but at any rate, here it is, cut from the heart of a tree by a circular saw. They say that money talks. What a story that nice little bit of good coarse gold could tell if it could speak!

Philanthropy stalks abroad in quaint guises. A gentleman of substance has a liking for racehorses, and, perhaps hoping to own

a Cup winner, he bought THE himself a nice little trainCONTRA ACCOUNT, ing stable at Avondale, and proceeded with the pastime of feeding oats to the hungry. Subsequently, however, other business claimed his attention, and he let his sweet little place. The tenant, for reasons known only to tenants, fell behind in his payments, and at last desisted during an appreciable period from paying anything. This presented a problem to the owner, who pondered it long, but at last he arrived at a solution. He sent him a couple of horses to train in order that the tenant, out of the handsome training fees paid by his landlord, might have enough to pay the rent! It is a singular case of business adjustment which will induce tenants in general to think better of landlords, and to hope that two dark horses may some day earn their oats and their training fees.

Tom modestly handed over a limp blue book containing eighty-three foolscap pasres of speeches; one hundred and twentv-six

columns of remarks from BRIGHTER statesmen (and others) BUSINESS, who attended the tenth

Congress of Chambers of Commerce of the Empire in London. '"I was there," said Tom. "Just read it, M.A.T., my boy, and tell me what vou think of it.'" Obedient to the behest of an old friend. M.A.T. plunged into one hundred and sixtv-six thousand words, but happily had to read only one hundred and forty-six columns to get to a story. Sir Robert Home was speaking, and, said lie, "I remember an old farmer in the paiish in which I was born in Scotland who always wore a blue ribbon in his buttonhole. He was generally half seas over. On beinc asked why he wore this blue ribbon, he answered, 'Well, you see, it makes people more anxious to tempt me, and I alwavs succumb '" You have often perhaps thought how futile is the bracket entitled "(Laughter)" in a printed speech. Bless you, it's a guide! You needn't read the rest of the speech. Here for instance, is a paragraph rich with this guide Prince Arthur of Connaught is speaking: I know you will forgive me for having digressed for a few minutes from the subject of commerce, but for some of us racin- i s atter all, a commercial proposition. (Laughter ) In most cases it can hardly be described as sound, or even profitable. (Laughter.) I would venture to suggest that a resolution in favour of ail Imperial stud might figure oil the agenda of the congress." (Laughter.)

Air. O. J. Hawken. Minister of Agriculture, says that farmers he met in the South Island are in cheerful mood. An Auckland man who has been in the South PROSPERITY. Island met some farmers, ~ too. Said he to one of , y . W ? rA ' - vou ' ve had a good season!" oil, i dont. know." moaned the farmer, producing a flit roll of notes to pay for two medical comforts. "Splendid grass," continued the man who wanted to be cheerful. "Too bloonnn' much," pursued the farmer, "the stock ean t eat it." "The rain came just when it was wanted," pursued the optimist. "Yes but when we get a wet winter it's bound to be a late, droughty summer." "You have done pretty well, ventured the northerner. "I notice you have just bought another three hundred acres for cash." "Yes." sacllv admitted the farmer, "you never know how lt s going to turn out." "By Jove," declared tho man from the north as they emerged into the street, "this is a fine new car of "yours!" had, groaned the farmer, "but* there's something wrong with the horn, and a bloke is always having to buy benzine.*' Here is an extract from the "Gentlemen's Monthly Intelligencer" for February 28, 17G8. "Ended the sessions at the Old Bailey,' when "rnnr* Benjamin Payne. John nm Aklers > John Tapping, for OLD DAYS, different robberies 011 the c i- t, ~ highway; Ann Robinson and Soplna Revell for burglary were sentenced to death; as was also Mr. James Gibson, the attorney. Forty-eight were sentenced to transpoi tation for seven years, two for fourteen years, two were branded, one publicly and seven privately whipped." One point of special interest in this short expression of judicial ferocity is that Mr. James Gibson, the attornev received sentence of death for misappropriating » client s money by means of forged documents" it might make some of our own lawyers reflect that these are better times. Another point jou will notice is that the names of the fortyeight people to be transported were suppressed Benc°hf aS De aS a modern New Zealand 9 yOU getting on with this veibositv? Of course, the longer the word the more difficult it is to make it euphoniously rniA-MOd chaotic. For instance, v-nAUHtS. "Valetudinarianism" rob- , , , . , bed. M.A.T. of some slumber last night, but there was nothing doing. The solution of last night's Chaotic is: Mage s d a Damages I This evening's brilliant effort is: Ca th ill e It almost arranges itself.