THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 33, 9 February 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Dear M.A.T.,—Your par in Tuesday's paper re geographical howlers reminds me of a recent local incident. A visitor at the

house mentioned that she DRESDEN CHINA, had flown from London to

Paris, and then motored as far East as Dresden. "How reckless!" said the fair chatelaine; "and did you witness any of the Chinese figbting!"—St. Helier's.

In these days of excessive heat crowded schoolrooms at times become insufferable, and the dismissal bell rings early. In one school

it has been laid down RAISING that work may be susTEMPERATURE. pended when the wall

_ thermometer rises above eighty. While making his afternoon rounds a headmaster observed a reading of seventveight in one room and in the next, which seemed no more stuff}-, the mercury stood at eighty-three. The class teacher looked innocent of all guile and the head is still endeavouring to find who breathed earnestly on the thermometer bulb.

One of the golden rules of life is to put the right letters into the right envelopes. A member of our staff was joyously skimming through the dailv deepenMIXED LETTERS, ing drift of "Tact

Tactics" answers yesterday when he came upon this: "Dear Mamma — Am quite well, but so very busy. lam working all the time with hardly a minute to spare. My chickens are out, but one is rather weak and I do not think it will live long. . . ." As dear Mamma's daughter did not give her name, the letter could not be returned. By this time probably Mamma will have been puzzled to receive a "Tact and Tactics" solution. In this case nothing more than laughter will result, but mixed correspondence may be even more fatal than mixed drinks. In the meantime, M.A.T. hopes the chicken will recover. The troop train stood at the platform, and young New Zealand, which had risen earlier than usual to put an extra polish on . _ every button, embarked BACKBONE cheerfullv or unwillin^lv OF THE ARMY." to do its ten days at Hopuhopu. The bell rang, a group of officers clambered into a coveted "first class," and two engines pulled the fifteen carriages out. Then, of all unforgivable occurrences, the regimental sergeant-major streaked on to the station—too late. The army had departed without its backbone! Followed a hurried consultation with the foreman and another dash, this time for a taxi that would make light work of overtaking the train at Remuera. Now had it been the Quartermastersergeant who was late there could have been no doubt who would have paid for the taxi.

A man of good physique, alert, and with a pleasing personality, came into the area office, and there, to a staff corps major, asked . re the possibility of emA GOOD SPORT, ployment as an instructor

in the Defence force. The major, in whose composition there was some of the milk of human kindness, assured the applicant that there was little chance, but went through his papers and informed him of the correct routine. Two hours later there was another caller, the new detective sergeant for the district, who introduced himself and made inquiries regarding a man who was looking for a defence job and for whose arrest on a judgment summons he held a warrant. The major, shepherding one of his cloth, knew nothing, and the incident passed as an ordinary one of the day. Going home in rain that evening the staff officer rah across the caller of the morning and thought to do him a good turn. '"Look, old chap/' he said, "vou had better beat it. There's a warrant out for your arrest." The man smiled inscrutably. If a pound or two will assist you, I don't mind giving a soldier a helping hand." The smile broadened. "You're a good sport, major," replied the recipient of the advice, "but vou've a d poor memory. I'm the detcctive."

The 'Teeping Tom" nuisance crops up e\eiy now and again, to the annovance of self-respecting citizens and the occasional

alarm of their wives and PEEPING TOM daughters. The latest IN THE TOILS, incident of the sort is told

by a resident of Remuera, ■w ho was aroused on Tuesday night by a noise outside the window of the room in which he was blissfully dreaming of deals involving profits of millions per cent. Stealthily he searched the vicinity under the midnight moon, clad in the comforting pyjamas. Sure enough' there was Tom a-peeping through a the fence towards a lighted window in the house next door, and a little bare-footed manoeuvring cornered him. Some plain talk from the householder whoso dreams had been disturbed followed, with promise of further consequences, closed an incident which mav keep the inquisitive one thinking for a while but, as the story book says, the half has not yet been told. The moral is that even in Remuera it is not always wise for the modest to prepare for their night's rest with the blinds up.

Birmingham, the city of a thousand trades, needs little in the way of advertisement, for its products are found in every civilised—and

uncivilised—land. "ForBOOSTING ward" is the civic motto "BRUM." of the great ironopolis, and "Progress" is the watchword of its citizens. L'nder the auspices of tho Overseas League an attractive little booklet has been issued, dealing with Birmingham's history and setting forth some idea of the city's manifold industries. Here is a "meaty" paragraph:—"Among other articles made in the city may be mentioned the following: Electrical accumulators, acetylene gas apparatus, aeroplanes, agricultural implements, aluminium ware, anvils, artificial eyes, artificial limbs, augers, awl blades, axle trees, billiard tables, barometers and thermometers, baskets and basket ware, beads, beer engines, bells, bird cages, black ornaments, glass bottles, cardboard boxes, brushes, buckets, candlesticks, clocks, coaches and carriages, coffin furniture, combs, compasses, corsets, cricket bats, dolls! children's toys in wood and metal, electric cables, paper and paper goods, eyelets, fenders, ferrules, files, fish hooks, fog signals, footballs, founta'n pens, furniture, gauges, gimlets, glue, golf balls, horse clippers, incandescent mantlesj incubators, ink, Jews' harps, lacquer, locks,' medals, mineral waters, musical instruments, organs, paints and colours, pianofortes, rules, saddle-trees, safes, sealim' wax, shop fittings, spectacles, spurs, stirrups', umbrellas and ships, to mention only a few." The combination of "beads, beer engines, bells and bird cages" is too good to be missed, to say nothing of the "ferrules, files, fish hooks and fog signals." Ships and sealing wax find a place in the list and all that seems to be missing are the cabbages and kings.

ADVERTISING! Life assurance companies in England had queer methods of advertising in the 'seventies. The Standard office was one of them—with this amusing wheeze: When poor Pa died and went to heaven. What griefs Mama endured! But sh-h-h! her griefs were soon assuaged For Pa he was insured. 'Tis true, but strange, and oh, how funny t The office paid her all the money!! I A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass; for - or^TeQ '—Herbert