A TALE OF THE SEA.

Auckland Star, Volume 304, Issue 304, 23 December 1926, Page 8 (Supplement)

A TALE OF THE SEA.

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"Ay ..-, ; Sir. I've tried potatoes. but sin - a o . .t diseriminatin" lady, that duck; she ->ed .it mc and sent the spuds fly in' "Haven't we any .-._._._ aboard':" there's about n dozen pickled ones." admitted the cook. _rrudcmclv. "i dye them to her. then " The cook's face fell. "Wot arc we to do for the Christmas puddln..':" Christmas pudding was the cook- favourite c-.sh. "I've been treasurinc hup them eggs, and we're a good four weeks off port." "Confound you and your puddinc." exclaimed the captain, irritably. "Cleat out. and give her the eggs." The cook reluctantly removed his wel nourished person, and made his way it the galley. Tendei ly be removed eacl egg from the kerosene iin With all hi< care he was unfortunate on ouch ;r> breal one. which by its particularly puncent nutlY and luscious odour, declared itsel to V.. well and truly laid. Suddenly i gleam of hope illumined the cook's i yt Once more he sought the -kipper, "--ay captain, them's hen eggs: do you thin' Sadie (Sadie was the duck' . . ." He _:< no further, adroitly dodged a boot, an . retired. ________

TO EE. TAKEN WiTH SALT.

.By MAY RICHMOND.)

■ ... '■ !■••! 1 i c .-_:- tc th.' expectant -• ii • : ■■'■■■: tll 1 111. Ivh'llgill' to the • - .' '■•■■: didn't -et their uav '•like.:, ~c:d!v. "Quack. or.ack.". aiked "suSie. waridng three dejected ... I . feat ho:- v hi oil did duly for a '.'.:• k \mi vi i.uidn't 'ay c wanted to eh t;._:i. .—- at all. In well regulated i.i Try yard.- they -els the 'en- to do it. l.ij- no! oh. d..-;.r. no. bo-ides ruiniii" v ireics-. Y.-.i must '.we the only eggs _rot aboard, and ilo an 'oncst man out 'i< .hristnias dinner. You arc a named pet. ain't y on just "

•. ' "Quack!" answered Sadie, getting out' t of the amplifier, and regarding the eggs c | doubtfully, looking from them to the | cook, and from the cook back again. j "Wot in thunder do you want now ?" I i ! exclaimed the perplexed chef. "Wot's j wrong with them eggs, anyhow ?"' The intelligent biped touched each egg o gently with her bill, as if counting them, - and looked appealingly at the cook. Xow. c the cook was fat. he was also short - n sighted, and to obtain a better view of ff the eggs, was obliged to stoop down. Something belonging to his person suddenly- gave way. and his watch slipped x to the deck. Sadie pounced upon it with joyful quack-, then calmly sat upon the ll twelve eggs, plus the cook's watch, o "so that's yer game, is it ? Want a r h baker's dozen, do yer? But you don't get is j niy watch." and the chef recovered his ik I property amid augrv and disappointed it, I protests from Sadie' The harassed cook If ! felt he must lay the situation before a the e.i'.tain. but it behoved him to .... a.ppruae-1 with caution. "She- -etrin' v. beautiful. Captain. Took to 'cm as she ,1_ would take to the water." ot "^~ ell ' , all right." grunted the skipper. ud "But she warns another e-t-t," added j the cook.

"What the blazes for." - 1 "Sn\ ? there. ov.c short: want? a ' baker's dozen. 1 never saw the maternal - m.-tinek so "ighlv developed in n clr.ck : before." ' ' "Well, cookie, veil and me"-, good ' ri ienils. lint can't \on think of some- ' thiirj without coming bothering mc every ' The h..:ie-t fcli'W scratched Ills red s h. .1.1 an.] pondered, i "Maybe the earpeiiter « 111 axe one of : tliciii iild-fa. hionod rliimi .1. or knobs in 'is bo.\-niig!:l 1 . ;.' !c to fool the huh. ' ;.e:!.a|.>." " fry it : " saiii the skipper. Sadie toil; lo the iloor kiloi.. an.l the cook, in a resigned and chastened frame - of mind, removed Sadie and her improvi;od nest t« a convenient spot outside his galley door, where he could have the proceedings tinder his personal observation. He thoughtfully raised the ' ampiilier to a perpendicular posit ion by • placing it in the empty bungliole of a Lane.. ' . "There, my lady, yin may admire the ' view, and at the same time do your duty." ... life flowed peacefully upon that . tight little cutter, bound for Shanghai.

'In a short time the worthy cook became quite attached to Sadie, and in the evenings, after dinner, when the last plate j had been clattered into the rack, he | would come out. lean upon the after* ! rail with his pipe, and chat to his feathered charge. "Seeinrr as "ow we ain't got a parrot aboard like Paddy, you're the next best thing.'' "Quack, quack 1" remarked Sadie appreciatively. And when the warm, scerted tropical night came down, and that Tight little cutter, with her sails a-furled. and her auxiliary nicely oiled, ploughed her way beneath the jewel-hung vault., the cook was moved to song, ""for a musical duck you must be." he humorously said. "So music shall have we."' He broke into a breezy nautical lay he had learnt in his youth, beginning like this: — A enpiral ship, fur an neeail trip. Was the walloping Window Blind. No wind that blew dismayed her crew. Or troubled the captain's mind. The man at the wheel was made to feel Contempt for the wildest blow-oh-oh: But it often appeared, when the jtale had cleared. j He'd been in his bunk below.

What ihe second spasm was will never' he known, for the captain threw his second best pair of boots at the cook, and the spell of the night was broken t Indeed, his troubles were far from over, t for although things had gone well —al- . most too well—till one morning a few i cays before the clutch should hatch out. t i lie cook in great perturbation again _ sought the captain. Consternation sat upon every line of his worried countcn- , ance. ; "1 m real sorry to bother you again. ■ -kipper, about that duck, but"'—the cook lie.iia.eil. ' "Hut v. hat —what 7" the captain , -houted. "She's .leadl" said the cook solemnly. , "Dead!" gasped the captain. "What i the Mazes did you let her die for?"' "1 didn't let 'er die." said the cook ; m an injured tone. "She just did it i "crself. she Y.ri a kind of exhalted idea i of 'cr doolies, was that enthusiastic like ' that she'd 'a rill j" cat any think, and now she's gone and died., like so miny more of us. a mvrter to dootv. (Jot unite fond of er.'l did." "Don't know what I'll tell the missus. ' either." opined the skipper. "She set a power o' stove by Sadie. We've had

! ber ever since she was a little fluffy chic- ' r j ken." a I "Not chicken, sir—ever since she was I a little yellow duckling." _ I "Indeed, we've bad her even longer 1 ! than that," said the captain, blowing bis nose loudly. "We've had her since she was a lovely blue egg. I admit it's hard, i r cookie, after all your trouble. Can't i i you think of something?" v The cook went to his favourite post, the after-rail, and thought. During that somewhat arduous process he absentlywatched the gambols of a school of fly- c ing rish. when—whang! one landed plump at his feet. This did not surprise him. for such occurrences were quite common in these waters. What . did surprise him was when he saw the 1 flying fish with a series of wriggles and flops seat itself upon the clutch of eggs, i "Shiver mc mainmast," he exclaimed when he had recovered the power of speech and rushed to the captain's cabin in great excitement. "There's a flyin' fish a'settin' on them ■ - eggs 1" "Suffering catfish!" bellowed the i ; skipper. "Don't frighten it off. It's a dispensation of Providence." 1

"A cold lish on hot eggs, captain." , "<. o away, cookie. y<-„ liorc me."' The Hying fish stuck to her task, so once more there was peace upon that tight little cutter bound for Shanghai. There was peace till one morning the ; ; cook hoard a violent splash aft. saw the flying tish had basely deserted the nest . and flopped overboard. "She's gone now." l.c remarked - gloomily. "I'm hanged if it ain't enough to make a chap bu.t 'is safety valve Them eggs will U» the death of mo. It's 1 as much as my life's worth t.> go near the skipper again." Luckily the skipper was about to take the wheel, and was struck with compunction at the forlorn aspect of the chef, his corrugated brow and aged appearance. "Well, cookie." he .-aid kindly, "what's gone wrong now? i.one overboard has .-he?" patting tlie rook's shoulder re- c asstiringly. ."She's only gone overboard to wet her skin. Awful playful things. I Hying lish. Have you forgotten your Kipling? 'Where the flyin" tish.es play. \ and you so fond of ((notations. I'm surprised at you. It's t\ry v-.crk settin". awful dry." The cook's doubts were soon set at i rest as he beheld the faithful foster- v

mother hilariously flop on board a_rain and resume her task. "Sorry 1 misjudged yer." apologised the cook. The dying lish tossed her tins haughtily and said nothing. "You ain't a patch on Sadie for sociability." be remarked. But the next morning, as he served the captain's breakfast, he could barely control his v oicc. "threat news, captain. She's done it.'" "Well, Bill, what luck?" "Twelve lovely chicks, and three little china door knobs'."

Christmas Conundrums. ti o • I \\ lie 11 is a boat like a knife . —Whoa ;, t is a cutter. _ How did lacy discover iron':—__i.it it. of course. \, How do bee* di-pose of their li.ney? — i. l'liey cell ( -ell i i:. Why i<- a nobleman like a bo.'k! — A 8.. aa-c iie iias a title. i Waa: is lengthened by being cut a: Wnen can you carry cater in a sieve? W'en it's fr< zen. What colour does lagging make a ? boy. —It nial.es hiai yell < 11 .' W'iiy is your rase like the v in civility? —It is between two eyes. ' W •. is x . bui' g ''Ke a rj . ... '• — It ivai- built by a Wren. When docs a -o'.dicr rcsra-.a.e a watch? ; W hen lie mark? time. Wiiat ICnglisli river, snclt backwards, .lecoincs a lish':—The Lee. ' Why is an omnibus a safe place n a thunderstorm?— Because it has a conductor. ;

When are soldiers stronger than elephants?— When they carry a fortress. When is butter like Iri_:i eiiildren? — W"hcn it is made into i it tie "Pats."' Why is C always a fortunate letter?— Because it is always in "luck."' Why is a short negro like a white man? —Because lie is no; a t all black. What lock is that which no burglar can pics.':—A lock from a oa_d head. When are tiie street* of a town most greasy? —When tbe rain .- dripping. In which month do ladies talk least?— Tv February, because i: i- the shortest. Why is a ki-s like a rumour? —Because it passe- from one m 'Utn to the other. Why !- a shoemaker tat most Industrious of men': —Because ac works to the last. Why are postage stamps ll_e good scholars?— Because t-.-v stick to their letter-. Why are fowls fasi.i..::_aie birds?— Because they are always iressed for dinner. Why cannot a butcher be an honest ' man? —Because he steels steals; the knives he uses.

What is that which never asks quos:ions. but yet requires many answers? — The front door. What belongs to yourself, but is used by your friends more than yourself? — Your name. How is it Dutch people come into the world ready dressed?— Because they are born in Holland. When is a chair treated spitefully? — When you have it caned simply because it cannot bear you. How would you define ''a stretch of tlie imagination"? —Dreaming that one was being hanged. What is lighter than a feather, and vet you cannot hold ii for more than a few minutes? —Your breath How did the householder know that the bnrr-lar was a blacksmith? —Becaus. ho made a bolt for the door. Which is the qneen of the roses, and why ? —The rose of the watering pot. because i: rams over them all. What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?— One longs to eat and :he other eats too long. When is a Christmas turkey like ; ghost ? —When it's a gobblin".

' _ Why should a ship's officer never put :ii3 chronometer under his pillow"— Because he should never s i eep on j lis vvatch. __ Why is a vain young lady like a confirmed drunkard ?—Because neither of them is satisfied with a moderate u*e of the glass. Why do railway-men always speak of a locomotive as "she"?—Beciuse it su- j -fter i\ * thou g ht s and draws men Why is a i adv too a - xiou _ tQ ____ ma. _ knT. - tt a &^ep Mder a butcher's kmi e.—Because both are dying to change their names. ' c What « the difference between jumpba.on .-One v a rash act-but the other is a .asher. , ."vTliy is a spendthrift, with regard to i'is tortune. like the water in a filter"— | P t?J ,Se ' iCOn m' s through it and leaves many matters behind to sett'e "ny 's a postage stamp a most unfortunate tmng .-Though it sticks to its duties to the very letter, it gets its_ nead punched, its* face disfigured' ana a good licking. c '

When is the sun iike a Christaai jelly '.' —When it -• -:-. What !teams cm i. ■ ...: • -r.ter saw.-_ i Sunbe;:m.-. Why i.- a perfume fi ::i lljryi.t like & I hrisimas ; r.-er.: :-■:•: Intiand?—Be- , cause -it i- .-■n: -...' :r :-.: afar. In what yea" d i i .-:t..i- Day and Xew Years l\,y :._.! ■ : ■ -„<:,e'ye_r! _ ' —In every y ... . What par; .-f a . . . ~ reminds one of ' br:-- ::-... :_■• . weight* What en;.i.:.- ::;..' '• •;■ - at Christmas tin; ■ :... :' ; .her?— The pillar be:. 1 What >...il ..-•..-: if h e Was n late for Chris', m..- ... - l.,ke a fir, of course, t Why is a .v- .. -. - a nariJ gator? — D-.-Jiise - - - - ;r sheets, crosses t.:e li::;. . . • ■ pole d ]'">• :. by is a hor-c : -■ -... :n;.a:aeti% amiable and wil'.i._' - -..-;—g c _ t sympathetic. 1 .-.:.:- . - ; - _.re alwayi open to t'ao cry ..... amiable, because he ,w: .:..r.-i c amount of chaff: willing. :..-_;-.■ '.• - .-: .ways \r__. a ling to have the .: :....■. . ::'of his mollta.

THE CHRISTMAS TREE. • i "''hi" sighed the _::::< .;-•-. • --a, "How sad my fortmi" -••<::.- :■' ' IT"re in the dim m.!, ::._•■ 1 -';■ Wher*- the gi-at :-,•..-:.- • ■■ " a_ day. ..nd the ? re eil sLad<>. - • :: •■ ;.*/, And all my brothers -■ .- " ::.c." Eur t„ the cry. w«. : :..- ■ •• ■»r crystal gum. w 1:1. : Th.- -aaill tree j<. _,-,...■ .. . tent «'l, .- little ;j~tj t ; . r ... . : - . And ihere, it swm- ; - ■! '• It miph: be ,i_i -.: ;: ■ .."-. Tle-n at last j-..ui._ ]■■ And ;.».k him wlicr- : . -"'J Wreathe h.ru wi-; . ■■ •• nnd bandOf f.-dd. and :hli._- r- _ With many a sons :::.. And he had _!ft, ... ' . - .'.'- ---"• happy «-i.;.dr.-:i ; And one day. when :.- ■■ '■ barß They laid him in th-- • rr-: And with great era i. .: . -a re His sparks among the r._:; _ci out I .