DOMESTIC DISCORDS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 276, 20 November 1926, Page 16

DOMESTIC DISCORDS.

FAMILIES AT WAR. i RELATIVES WHO CANNOT I AGREE. CAUSES OF INTERNECINE STRIFE.] (By FRANCIS YEW.) ! In the Great War there was far more hate between the civilians of the warring countries than among the actual combatants. In the field, where great J shells rent the earth, and bombs dropped incessantly from the skies, where machine-guns and rifles made eternal fusillade, and where desperate charges ended in the plunging of cold steel into i hot flesh, our soldiers made jokes about I "Jerry" and "Johnny Turk." regarding I them without any personal animosity, but merely as individuals to be killed i off in the friendliest and most sportsmanlike manner. Small things are removed from the minds of men actively | engaged in prosecuting the art of human slaughter at the beliest of nations. It is the civilian who does the hating, and the soldier who does the fighting—not forgetting the sailor, of course. But all the bitterness displayed in war is mild cheese compared with the flavour of a family feud; there is no hate comparable with that of brother against brother when there is real or imagined cause for enmity, and the lame applies in lesser degree to cousins of varying kindred, and all the tribe of brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers-in-law. Unless a man is singularly fortunate in the endowment of relatives, '"his sisters and his cousins, whom he reckons by the dozens, his sisters and his cousins and his aunts," not to mention those acquired by marriage (wife excepted, of course) are apt to be so many irritants to the nerve of life, liable at any time to prick the bubble of domestic felicity. When the innocent young man looks upon the ruffled hearth of an erstwhile happy friend whom marriage has brought a tyranny of relatives, he is inclined to book his passage for some less animated isle to search for a bride among the alligator— pears and the coconuts, exclaiming with Tennyson: — "There, the passions, cramped no longer, shall have scope and breatnlng space. I shall take some savage woman, she shall j rear my dusky race; j Iron jointed, supple sinew'd, they shall | dive and they shall run, Catch the wild goat by the hair and hurl their lances in the sun.' 1 I It sounds all right. Unfortunately 6ome of hie dusky relatives might hurl their lances in hie body, instead of in the sun, in case of a family dispute. They do these things in some of these islands of the blest, and to some timid souls verbal venom, bitter as it is, ie preferable to that with which the savages tips hie lances and other recriminative weapons. Causes of Quarrel. One of the meet prolific causes of family quarrels is that arising out of unsought advice- "Different ships, different long splices," as the 6ailor says, and in different houses there are different ways of running things. Every man and every woman think that their way is the right way. There's no harm in thinking, but, unfortunately, most people do not keep their thoughts to themselves, and this is particularly the case among relatives, who have a habit of either covertly or openly putting each . other in the wrong—and of telling all their acquaintances what fools their kindred are. Maiden sisters and maiden aunts are (in their own opinions) particularly clever at bringing up children, and they make no bonea about forcing their theories upon mothers, who have reared several youngsters to vigorous growth, and of dropping dire hints, such as, a "Solomon said, in accents mild, Spare the rod and sp-il the child." It may be left to theologians to discuss whether Solomon ever said anything of the kind. Dean Inge and Canon Grant Cowen have agreed to abolish hell; soon parsonical precept may metaphorically burn the rod in the flames of that myth. But it seems that eavagery survives on earth; they flog prisoners even in this enlightened j country, and there are hosts of people who advocate flogging for wayward] children —particularly for other people's children. Long-lasting Feuds. Family quarrels often develop into vigorous and long-lived feude; wars among the nations may come and go, but the war of relatives may endure through successive generations. And once a family \ feud starts, all the members of that i tribe or family must take sides. There! must be no rail-sitting, and soon there is "a house divided among itself." Tom' and Dick, who used to lend each other i spades and paint brushes now glare at each other from opposite seats in the tram; their wives, who formerly embraced at every opportunity, pass each other with looks indicative of mutual contempt —and they are welcome guests at various afternoon teas., (separately, and at different times), so that the good ladies of their acquaintance may have the joy of hearing them scandalise each other. There is nothing like the poisoned darts from the tongues of enemy relatives to add relish to gossipRelatives say things about each other that would land an outsider in an action for damages for libel. The quotation regarding Tennyson's savage women brings to mind that the great poet was reputed to have suffered very severely at the tongue of an aunt, an austere Calvinist. One day, looking thoughtfully at him through her spectacles, she said: "Alfred—Alfred, when I look at you, I think of the words -of Holy Scripture, 'Depart from mc, ye cursed, into everlasting flames.'" Alfred is said not to have been disturbed. Had she said something complimentary he might have been concerned as to the state of her health. There are many modern aunts like Tennyson's bittertongued relative—but most of them say these things to others, and not directly to the subjects of their causticism There is an easy way for the avoidance of family quarrels if people would only take it. Let them adopt in the case of all relatives this old but unhonoured motto: "Mind your own business!"