THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 245, 15 October 1926, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

» (By THE MAN ABOUT TOWSj" DICKENS AT TAKAPTJifA_ If Pickens came to earth again To livp at Takapnna. He'd wrt\To?MH?Srt'i)Ow. P ° oh ' P00!l1 More rich material there, dear Charles Thar. London or in Paris. * Though all that flitters is not Gould To our friond. Mister Harris. Oh. what a v»rv wicked thins Was done l>y some old codger. To print a little rlrcnlar— Oh. what an artful dodger! And who called "Rubbish?'• Dearie mc vociferous: Irrnnen>-e: ' Perhaps the interjection was In a Pickwickian sense? When Eatanswill election's held With a.! the jolly fuss ot. Will Miste r Harris win the s»at. Or, "ain't there no sich. pusson"2 BIGGER BUILD FOR MEN. One learns from the fashion dio tators that men's new model suits are to have "very broad shoulders, a great deal more chest than before, and a new line from the waist downwards." Tha jacket must hug the hips. The dictator frankly mentions that the new fashionj for men must suggest athleticism. Thus, in the near future, a man you knew to have a chest development" of ■2o inches and the well-known bottle type of shoulder, may emerge before an astonished public like Lee Robin or Gene Tunney. It is pointed out that a sedentary young gentleman desirin--to induce the supposition that he v an All Black forward should wear a double-breasted coat. The trousers, one trembles to hear, are not to exceed 25 inches in width. A DROOTH YE KEN. Ardent drys "hope for a day in the far future when an alcohol drought will be all over Scotland." Mon. it's a fearfu' thocht! Ye mieht as weel hope for the day when ths dreadful prevalence of coal at Newcastlt ceases and the terrible clang of the ship, builders' hammers disturbs the Clyde no more. Ye ken Stewarton, a wee burgh five miles from Kilmarnock? In 1920 a blue-eyed Pussyfoot eradicated th» taste for whisky there, and the peopls closed the nine inns and the two hotels, while the imports of whisky to that delightful place in case has trebled. AH over Scotland (which, as you may hava heard, distils ardent spirits) the spirit of the dry has also disseminated, and it is really intensely curious to see sporadic cases of local prohibition springing tip. The wets, of conrse, say that in next December Scots burghs which have gone dry will wetten up again. In contemplating one's fellow Scot as a prohibitionist, one cannot help wondering why the French in the Champagne country do not plough the vines in. Tens of millions of good vines could be destroyed there. When they have some Scotsmen to spare after the destruction of the industry in .Scotland has taken place, they could lend a few to England to hoe in the Kent hop crop. The idea that the Scotch have no sense of humour is absurd. And even the Englishman often has the scents of Scotch. Note: George made this fearful pun. MEMORIES OF TOWNS—Otaki. ~ Otaki is the town where the Chinaman works and the Maori rests. Ling Thin grows vegetables and Hone vegetates. Here it was that a missionary station was begun in 1539, and it was from this town that Amihana, the son of the Maori Xapoleon, Te Rauparaha, sallied forth as a Christian missionary to carry the good word to the.Maoris in their own language. But the memory one has of Otaki is of green bougli3 waved by dusky warriors, of the wails of the wahiaes. of the firing of guns, of a great tangi for the departed chief Hone Heke the Younger, a. Maori M_P. Tlie dead chief was placed in a splendid glass-fronted coffin so that he could be seeH by the people. It is remembered that although in life Mr. Heke had been dark enough, in death he appeared of a pakeha complexion. The mourners would advance weeping to the bier, lamenting pitifully. Chiefs and ehieftainessef orated and mourned with great vigour and in the excellent Maori way (feeling that mourning may endure for a night but joy cometh in the piorning), dried their eyes and ate heartily, smoked heavily and really had a good time. They grieved in shifts. One lot would weep and wail and go away for a quiet smoke, while other.-, replete with food and well smoked, would take up the task. There was a very distinguished Maori lady who appeared to be the most important person on the ground. She orated splendidly and wept copiously. She returned with politicians and others in a special railway carriage to Wellington, and charmed everyone by her conversation. One well-known politician said to her. "I'm hanged if I know how yon could cry like that." And the ehieftainess replied, "And blowed if I know either. Jimmy." It is not tn be forgotten that the dead chief was taken to many place? and that a: each place a tangi was held. Some pneumonia and several other deaths resulted. THE TRAFFIC COP. Said the American man to th* habitual Auckiamier during the second day of his residence in Auckland: "It's sure a nice li'l town. Just a bit like lour Atlantic City. I notice your town manager.- are trying to regulate the traffic. 'Most even-body hurst, out lading at the way 'they regulate traffic 'most e\e: vu here, except in LoDdon. I see a guy doing semaphores 'way down near the waterfront where it is bus*" j with pedestrians and a: intersections j where tiiere are yellow warts sticking lup out of the -rroitnd there's a signaller j too. The-,, met. don't see people—they see vehicles. I've been watching for two I days to see a traffic cop hold up the vehicles to let pedestrians have a clear field now and then. N'arv clear fieM while I '.vat..ied: "The man on the hoof i« no concern of the traffic people in this burg, no -ir: 1 don't ','._n!e tnem. They simply iuven'-t tnought ~:' it. It a blinJ. lame, ■leaf, oid or imbecile person was to ask one of tii.se human semaphores to make the *._reet safe for him while he crossed the semaphore wo ikJ miss a beat or fall dead. >ay, I'm not criticising, but lAakland i-tii--. one town I've ever seen j where the n-.iffie people don't do a dura i *hing i",:r the per-o.i on the hoof. They've } got a horny eve fixed right on the auto* I mobile an.: nowhere else. And the automobile runs ri_rii- over the pedestrian I just the -am. .- if "here wasn't a human I semaphore in r.\ here to Singapore. #'• I safer ia Breadwav. Yes, six."