RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume 198, Issue LVII, 21 August 1926, Page 22

RANDOM SHOTS

_______

It would be an easy matter to limit the Tests to two days if Hobbs and Sutcliffe gave up cricket. Cars are coming down in price (Advt.). The more they come down the more pedestrians will go up. "Interior of a star a perfect hurlyburly," I read in my own paper. (Isn't this just a little too critical? "Barometer appears to be in a nice position," I read in the racing news on Tuesday, when it rained all day. The thing ought to be tested. Among the "Wanted to sell" ads. this week appeared the curious offer of a wooden leg for three and six. The owner must be stumped. An American paper says that one in seven of the inhabitants of U.S.A. have a gramophone. Presumably the rest of the population have the needle. An earthquake shock was experienced in England on the second day of the Test match. Seismologists deny that the shock was caused by the vigorous wagging of Australia's tail. A quaint piece of information from Pears' Encyclopaedia: "Bega, town on R. Bega, Co., Auckland, New Zealand, 255 miles south-west of Sydney; cheese factories." No wonder letters sometimes go astray. A fossilised human brain, that of a prehistoric man, has been found near Moscow. There is nothing to make a fuss about in that. Prehistoric brains are all over Russia—not yet fossilised. Mr. Henry Ford, after announcing further reductions in the prices of the products of the Ford Motor Company, referred to the business situation in the United States, and incidentally attacked the practice of sale by instalment employed by his competitors. Referring to his own cars, he declared that if the purchaser could not raise the necessary fifteen shillings all at once he should buy a second hand model. During the demolition of a Dunedin building a full-sized coffin of some antiquity was discovered, containing one bone. Nothing else. It must have been j some great rarity that was thus honoured—perhaps the rarest of all curiosrities, the Funny Bone of a Scot. Well, perhaps, as you say, that's not rare —it's non-existent; but there must have been some tremendous reason for such reckless extravagance on the part of a canny Dunedinite. A writer in an English paper claims that Australian girls are the prettiest in the world. Stop! There is no need for any rush on the part of young male Maorilanders to book passages for Sydney. A little later in his article, the author brings New Zealand girls into the argument in a manner which seems to denote that he places them equal with fair Australiennes for beauty. This doubtless is true*, hut if his allegation that Australian girls do not use paint ! and powder "camouflages," like the English and American female of" the species which is "more deadly than the male," is meant also to apply to New Zealand girls also, our particularity for truth forbids acceptance of the compliment. We have walked up Queen Street in our day. And, to further pursue the truth, we may say that the only girls who are seen unpowdered in the cities of Australia are those whose forms have brought delight when emerging from the surf—that at Manly, for instance, one sees only the best of form displayed—beauty unadorned by powder—or much else. Mark Twain must now be enthroned among the prophets. The other day a cable came through stating that the miracle of Elijah and the flaming bullockwas in danger of being shattered by the discovery of petroleum near Jaffa. It was suggested that the flames were not those of heavenly fire, but came from a petroleum spring which the prophet had previously tested, and that, throwing some of the oil over the bullock, he ignited it during his prayer. Now that is just the story which America's greatest humorist, told fifty years ago in "Innocents Abroad." There was a sceptic among the "innocents" who had an explanation for everything. When asked to explain this very miracle, he declared that the water was really petroleum—almost pure kerosene, in fact—and that the prophet soaked the bullock well with it, then struck a match on the leg of his : pants away from the crowd, and started a fire which made roast beef out of that bullock. Same story, but Mark got there first, and the cable man might at least | have given him some credit for his | prescience. POMARE, THE HERO. j In the House last week, Sir Maui |Pomare made a spirited attack upon I the Labour suggestion that there should ibe discriminating legislation against Cook Island tomatoes. He attacked a petition from local growers, several names on which had a distinctly foreign origin. Tenakoe. Pomare. the flzhter of Parry And Holland and Lee! We sing te walata of Tonga's tomato. From over the sea. They say let Petone be market for Tony And Rudolph and Fritz: For they te good neighbour—they vote for te Labour— But you give 'em fits. You been down to Tonga, you like to stay longer. You kal-kai te fruit: They say put on custom for fear it will bust 'em. You put in te boot. They say they desire the New Zealan' buyer Have fruit that Is "white"; You hear the word "darker," you dance them the haka. You show them te fight. You ware the banana and fight for your mana. And do tbem in Dutch: You show them 9s -orry and make 'em feel sorry They shove in the clutch. You great rangatira," yon wont make kai dearer, Bnt give 'em te punch; You. show bow te ilaori stick up for his dowry Of fruit in his lunch. You kapal te feller, you vote for te seller Tomato and spud; When Dagoes get "narky, you cry *Ake! Ake! •Cm MaoH- no-dad-' ~ - £..*-_„, - fZ M *£*• ■