SPARKLETS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 162, 10 July 1926, Page 38

SPARKLETS.

FROM THE HOME COURTS.

North London, prisoner : I have too mucn pride to bet. Nottinghamshire witness: She swore— and did It well. Midland woman : I saw all that happened; I hare a pair of good eyesights. Willesden Magistrate: Are yon married? "Woman: No, sir. lam only Alice. Willesden husband : I plead guilty to my wife being chargeable to the pariah. Deaf witness in Nottingham: I cannot understand what you hear. Nottingham womnn : I will make yon liva lower down than the dirt you walk on ! Willesden woman: My expenses are not heavy, because I do not eat anything now. North London witness: I received an "automatic" blow from a truncheon. Shoreditch debtor: A man is not supposed to give his pocket money to his wife. Kingston defendant: The trouble started when your dog pulled my shirt off the line. Solicitor, at Bow County Court: You have had two wives? Man: Yes, but one at a time. At Marylebone County Court: Are yoa married? Man : Yes. I know what it is to serve. Midland wife : When I have been hit once by my husband, I think that is persistent cruelty. Sunshine and Storm were the names cf persons concerned in cases at Marylebone County Court. Nottinghamshire solicitor: Who advised you to give up work? Youth: I advised! myself. At Marylebone County Court: What Is your work? Man: I collect boots and my wife repairs them. Mother at Willesden : If my son wa* drunk, then so must I have been, for we were drinking fair. • Dalston wife :My husband does not quarrel if he has his bacon, and eggs for breakfast regularly. Willesden wife: My hnsband is all right •until he gets mixed up with other girls, and then he's all wron^. Magistrate at Willesden: Is the friend j who swore at you male or female? Applicant: A lady, eir. Woman tenant at Willesden: 'My landlady is such a terror that we dare not sing as we should really like. Prisoner at the Surrey Sessions: I think prisons are colleges of crime where one rarely falls to take his degree. Willesden magistrate : Did you strike the constable? Prisoner: I neither strick nor stroke him In any shape or form. Landlady of her tenant at Kingston: First of all we get the "Dead Sfarch," and then he keeps giving mc cat-calls. Defendant at Tottenham : I have nothing to say. Magistrate: He who has nothing to say may have a. bit to pay. "The only one he will pay is his wife she is never without a black eye." Man at Shoredltch County Court. Solicitor at Bow County Court: She ha« made no effort to pay? Plaintiff: No, only by written insults. Husband at West Ham: I promise not to row with my wife unless my mother-in-law pokes her nose in. "Since your accident have yon tried to [do light employment?" "Yes, I peel potatoes for the wife."—Man at Bow County Court to solicitor. J Debtor, meditating at Bow County Court: If I pay this man I cannot take the wife out at Easter, and If I take the wife out I cannot pay him. Policeman in a "drunk" case at Stratford : I had to go into a Baptist church to eject him. Chairman : Perhaps he was trying to turn over a new leaf. Solicitor at Snorediteh County Court: You have frequent quarrels at home with your husband? Wife: Well—lt certainly . is more pleasant when he is out. ' Clerkenwell defendant: I hit him on the spur of the moment. Magistrate: Where? Prosecutor: On the nose. Magistrate: Is that the spar of the moment? I Woman accused of drunkenness at "Lami beth: I had only two drinks, which cost mc one chilling. Policeman: Her condition could not be reached at that price. Woman at Willesden: She called mc a liar, and I cays to her, "It takes a liar to recognise a liar"; and with that I puts a penny in the gas meter and walks away. J Woman summoned at Willesden for a dog-collar offence: I don't mind what the policeman says about mc, but I do object ,to his calling my poor old dog a mongrel. I Assistant overseer at Coleshill: He (an alleged rate defaulter) has been here before, and I always get the money in driblets. It needs a chartered accountant to deal with the case. ! A boy stated at the London Sessions that <he had fights with another boy on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. Hγ. WUberforce: Sunday is tie day of rest, I suppose. I Policeman at Lambeth of a woman arrested for insulting behaviour: She eaid, "I can speak to the magistrate better than Marshall-Hall can." Mr. Oulton fined her 20/. 1 Mr. Cairns, magistrate at the Thames Court, to a woman who complained that her husband was sheltered by her mother-in-law : Mothers always make pets of their j married sons. I Woman applicant at "Willesden: I asied Imy husband to speak to her about her behaviour, but they went out and had a drink together—you know what men are sir. Costermonger, fined at Willesden: Can I pay next time I come to the Court? Magistrate: I hope you won't come again. ; Defendant : t am due here again next week. They've just given mc another summons.