RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 138, 12 June 1926, Page 24

RANDOM SHOTS

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It is understood that the man who has not given his opinion as to who will win the Test matches is doing it for a bet. Is dancing proper? asks a Brisbane paper. If "Zamiel" were asked the question he would have no hesitation in replying (playing for safety) "'m proper." A workman at Munich sat brooding on a box of dynamite. He had just finished a gallon of beer. —He was evidently intent on having a real blowout. "There are some decent people in the film business," said an Auckland minister this week. The local picture people are puzzled. None of them is sure which of them should reply, and in a similar strain, thank him. Collins, after making 77 in the second innings against Yorkshire', was badly missed by Oldroyd. Then he declared the innings closed—not taking or giving any more chances. A jazz band struck up when a steamer on the Hudson River rammed another and sank. All signs of panic disappeared when the music started. The passenirers heard the saxophones and were glad to die. A London newspaper has figured it out that at least 50 per cent of the lady patrons of theatres simply attend to get ideas about dresses. We may assume this means that microscopes are taking the place of opera glasses. Mr. A. E. Ford, general manager of the Auckland tramways, has departed to study transport methods in the United States, taking with him a nice gold watch, presented to him on the eve of departure. If Mr. Ford's watch keeps the same sort of time as those which direct his tramway timetable, his six months' trip will extend to nine. By this I refer to the tenminute tram service to the Great South Road—a tram every 15 minutes, if you're lucky. There is one local body not more than fifty miles away from Auckland which cultivates the right "spirit" in its relations with its staff. After' every council meeting the councillors are entertained by a borough official with refreshments, which include a "tot" pi the "best." This is in recognition of the fact that the official is permitted to engage in a little insurance business "on the side." I suppose it could be called a "fire-water" policy on a "spot" basis with a good bond behind it. In Tuesday's "Star" we were told in a cable- message that Sir Duncan Campbell, secretary to the Order of the Thistle, a non-smoking and teetotal baronet, had not smiled for 47 years. Also that he was a recluse who studied heraldry by candlelight and kept on his hat when his hair was being cut. He carried his robes in a newspaper v hen attending the coronation ceremony and wore a mackintosh covered with candle grease. —S' candleous. Reminds one of the occasion when Sir Harry T.auder was once visiting New York. Harry was approached by a Pressman, who sought the comedian's views on the "canniness of the Scot." Said Harry: "Will ye take mental or written notes?'' "Oh, mental," said the reporter. "Vera weel, I'll pit t' candle oot." "Thank s,"' said the reporter, ''that's all I want." "Aussie fires a shot from a serious Gun: I have noticed that New Zealand Police Court reporters are indefatigable in ascertaining the birthplace of an' accused person—when that person - happens to be an Australian. Were any of our reporters ever in Australia, and were they not well treated when there? People here are beginning to think that the only offenders who come before our courts are those "awful Australians," for the only time a prisoner's nationality is given appears to be when he happens to have been born across the Tasman. I would suggest it would be a good idea to pursue the national business further, and always put the offender's place of birth in to complete the report —for, of course, the main news value lies in the information relative to this point. Put it in—Australian. Engjishman. Scotsman, Irishman, German. Russian—and, in rare cases, a New Zcalander may crop up as an offender against the'law. Unlikely, yes; but all things are possible. THE FAIL*) FAME OF SEAMEN. William Thomas Young, general secretary of the Federated Seamen's Union of New Zealand, giving evidence before the Licensing Committee in the matter of the application for a license for The Ambassadors Hotel, Quay Street, Auckland, said that "Many people form their opinion of seamen in relation to drink from the fact that when a seaman is arrested his occupation is always advertised in the papers. When a solicitor or a doctor is arrested for drunkenness his occupation is not given." (Great laughter.) When rough and ready sailormen bring safely Into port Their ocean tramps. The breezy scamps Must have a little sport. Which by , some means Inscrutable, proclaimed in printers' Ink, Directs their rolling footsteps to a haven in "the clink." When morning comes the lads appear to. answer to "the beak." The charge he cons. And asks the 'Wohns"— "What! Drunk, and giving cheek! Offenders must be punished with the rigour of the law; It's not a legal pleasure punching poUcemen on the jaw. "Who are these men ? What have they done to spoil tbe city's peace? If lawyers' clerks Or doctor's larks— Probation,' and release; 'Professional' delinquents wno at once their guilt confess, Will hear ine tell reporters to keep silence in the Press. "What! Perfect strangers! Seamen! Newly landed on our shores! These pirates hunt The waterfront Down by the city's doors. They need a dose of discipline to keep them on their Job — They'll either do a turn in gaol or forfeit thirty bob. "Suppress tbeir names and calling? No! That don't appeal to mc. Our Empire's made By ocean trade And proweis on the v*. Publicity is what we want, so please report this scene To advertise the Tirtnes of the mercantile marine." - . ./" " j c-».A.