SPARKLETS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 78, 3 April 1926, Page 34

SPARKLETS.

FROM ENGLISH COURTS. * Notts man i Send mc to prison for a month to recuperate. Motor driver named Light at Lewes s There was no light on the lorry except myself. ■ Nottinghamshire defendant: \ never ' drink stout; I drink beer, and that Speaks for itself. " Navvy at Marylebone: I do not swear Imyself because I was not trained to it 'in early life. Haggerston man: You never know ! r "which way the cat is going to jump ,jvith a mother-in-law. '._. Midland ■wife: My husband does not mc his business, but I don't mind, ;"for I get all his cash. ': Midland solicitor: Did you see your !husband last Friday? Wife: Yes, Friday Is my unlucky day. ". St. Albans landlady i I know my ; tenant is well off, because she is shingled and wears Eussian boots. ,- Sussex magistrate: Did you steal this ■food? Man: Well, sir, in the Army we ■called it "winning" it. • Man at Tottenham: When I got home I found my brother there "speechless" swearing at my children. Wife at Stratford: My husband does not stay out late, although now ;uid again he does not come home all u!g it. *l Marylebone husband: My wife never ► nays less than £2 2/ for a pair of shoes, and she has silk stockings to match. ;;. Walthamstow woman's description of •her lodger: She is quite the latest— lip-stick, shingled, and Eussian boots. ■' Fancy a moneylender being taken in by an undischarged bankrupt. There is a chance for some of us yet.—Judee Cluer. - Tottenham woman: She gave mc a blow in the mouth which I showed to magistrate when I obtained the r summons. [« Marylebone husband: It would be .against my wife's conscience to return .home with any money after she has shopping. ;- Wife at Marylebone: My husband has .a contented mind. If he has a good fire and the dole he can stand any weajther or anything. |] Mother at Willesdem Every time my .son's young woman takes him for a .walk she gives him a good hiding, and '£ow. she is starting on mc. ■. Marylebone wife: My husband has become so used to drawing dolea and pensions since the war that pay for work 'Seems insignificant to him. U A good-looking Leytonstone girl witness at Bow County Court was asked k oy counsel: "Are you a spinster?" "Yes, fat present," she answered with a smile! - |; Prisoner at Willesdem A lady hit mc j,J>n the head with a bottle, and immediiately afterwards the policeman > hit mc f.on the same spot with his truncheon. U Man at Willesdem I asked permission Ho bury my grandmother", and my employer told mc to" finish my work and go. Magistrate: Fictitious funerals of f-grandmothers are not wholly unknown ;fn business circles. U At Bow County Court: Do you con<sider yoursell expert in motoring'— .'Man: Six Weeks in the London Hospital iT-enough for mc. at Marylebone County Court: ■Are you represented by anyone?— Woman: I am a single woman, if that is What you mean. J Hackney debtor: My greatest aßget is my wife's smiling face and glib tongue. She manages to borrow the money on .■jyhich we live. iC A debtor was described at Shoreditoh County Court as a "decorator." The' :debtor: Yes, of faces—l am a women's hairdresser. Marylebone husband: My wife always thinks she has a good bargain if she can get an article within a halfpenny or a farthing of a~ shilling." " ' - Question at Shoreditch County Court: Have you brought your notice to quit? Woman: No, but I have my marriage lines, which are more important. Man at Willesdem I admit pushing my wife, but she provoked mc by pawn 7 ing my razor. Walthamstow Man: A women in tears is more deadly than any tongue that ever wagged. Man at Willesden: Do you think I would hit a woman? Why, I don't even care about hitting my wife. Woman at Bow County Courfc:' The - doctor used his periscope and said that I was suffering with my chest. , Willesdon Defendant. My wife,stood : over mc like a lion. Magistrate: It does not matter much, but say lioness. Question at Shoreditch County Court: What are your means? Woman: A lazy husband and my fare home Nottinghamshire Wife: My husband is . t one of the easy-going sort, so long aVhe S a_other m *" mone y to g ei .Tottenham Magistrate:• You suggest that the pohce are liars? Defendant- Oh np, their evidence is just terminological inexactitudes. \ Willesden Magistrate: Have you seen your wife lately? Husband: No, I have had no money, and it is of no use seein<* a. wife without money. ° ■ ; Barrister (in an accident case at Bow County Court): Did the motor car come tp rest on your leg? Man: I did not kyep it there long enough to remember. ; Solicitor at Bow County Court: You gay he was drunk? Woman: Well, when ar man pours the water into n. tumbler aid then puts the whisky in the water what-would you say?