FARMING INTELLIGENCE.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 19, 23 January 1926, Page 34

FARMING INTELLIGENCE.

BILL'S MATRIMONIAL TROUBLES. (Communicated by A. G. STEPHENS.) KING COUNTRY, January 8. Beg to report that after drowning himself, Bill felt very lively but looked very pale. Though Bill is my mate, I have never denied that he is a real white man. You would have Eaid so, too, if you had seen him that fateful day. Being inclined for meals and conversation Bill made a good dinner, it being my cooking week, and asked what we were going to do next. " Let it work," says I; "let it work. You have working for you the highest-powered engine known to science—namely, a young and romantic female in a high state of excitement, thinking her favourite brother is going to get matrimonially mixed up—namely, your sister Sarah— let it work! We shall hear more this night or I am not the prophet of a sunrise. In the meantime, you get on the other end of the old man's old crosscut and see if you can push when I pull." Beg to explain that, having hopes of the old man's new crosscut, hitherto well hidden, we have evaded buying a crosscut for ourselves, on the ground of thrift and economy implanted in us by a long shearing experience with parsimonious squatters —particularly one Croesus who put* in his spare timg straightening out crooked mails on the verandah of his mansion; thereby teaching passers-bf a useful moral lesson which sank well into both of us—especially Bill. However, after struggling with the old saw for three hours we decided that, if Bill and Sarah couldn't find the old man's new one, after a final prowl round, we should have to invest Borne of out hard-earned savings reluctantly. Something being attempted with the axe and two decent-sized trees done, I Rave Bill his tea, and set him to real work with a tomahawk on a nice smooth tTce about a mile up the track, and well in sight of anybody coming to visit the farm Bill is going to have some day. Under competent instructions, Bill made the heart about two feet hearty in both directions, and cut the W.J. a good three inches in to show the depth of his tender aent.ments. He didn't make a Wl job of it either, and if we had more time I would have tried him on an arrow cutting through the W.J. to "how fata dart of Cupid. However, the daybght was fading away in the west so we hurriedly did two more trees witl° the amorous initials and prowled back «m? tO Wait developments Bill reckoned Julia mightn't crmp over, and she wouldn't come over a ™d she couldn't come over that day' and SSSKff 7 ?"" a finC re P of a f≤ pfrtT* as * een now and then in I exhorted him to buck up, and reir on the passion for Romance; to which gg. Bill replied that Sarah had all of ulree ■ft "» ? B to ?ovor Wore reaching J u l a nd m Julia had all of eleven cows to m k and m then Oxo would have to sj.ru* herS

up, and her mother might make her get the tea, and then she had five miles to cover, and then she couldn't come in daylight, and then she couldn't come i at all. To which I responded that, moved by curiosity, the female sect was faster than a locomotive and nearly as fast as an aeroplane, and Julia wouldn't be able to sleep all night if she didn't , come, and she had Sarah to support her, I and I lent Bill my new tie, so that he ! ■ looked like Billy Sunday. Then we i ', waited in agonies of suspense —or I smoked and Bill waited. [ Figures and women never lie; though | they have their own ways of telling the . truth, which are not ordinary ways by , any means; and sure enough, and forl tunately while there was still light > enough to read Bill's bitter heart-cry, . we heard an " Oh, look! another of a them!" up the track, and Sarah came j dashing in. f "Where's Bill?" asked that devoted c sister, with her large blue eyes goggling ! j all around. I pointed to Bill cowering ! _ in the shadow of the hut. " Oh, Bill," s screamed his enthusiastic relative; " she . came! I made her come!" Then we all c ran back up the track, but Julia had f fled afar. i "Aiter her, Bill!" I yelled. "Faint f heart never won fair lady. Up and at j her! Remember Anzac! Be a man! x She milks eleven cows!" f "Go on, Bill!" urged Sarah, "You'll t ' catch her! Quick!" -■j Thus adjured and encouraged, Bill j rose more or less gallantly to the spur, 3 and ran up the track; the second-last i seen of him being my new tie fluttering ' in the evening breeze and the speed he i made. Bill was going—going! Practically • gone after the fatal footsteps of his old man. Sarah stood with her hands . cjasped in ecstasy regarding the place ! where Bill had been. I stood regarding Sarah. "Well, Sarah," I says, "there's only you and mc left." Sarah didn't take that in; her mind I was so crowded with Bill and Julia that it couldn't get in; but I could see it getting in. Sarah hadn't thought of it that way before; of course she is only a young one —just rising sixteen. But in my experience they are never too young to learn. Mc, I'm rising twenty-nine; but I tried to look my best twenty-nine, though somewhat at a disadvantage owing to Bill having my new tie., I could see Sarah's mind turning round from the consideration of mc as Bill's mate to the consideration of mc on a higher plane —perhaps even as high as Mr. Sarah; who knows? I let it sink in, being a great believer , in never spoiling a good show with a pick, as the saying is, and knowing by • experience that the way to work the females is to get their minds turned at > the right angle when they will do all I the work themselves, and ten .times [ as much as a man can do who conies 1 m,t£ T nS « WHh their °™ natural 1 ou » , of .flanging things. Just throw r Tmy SeDtly aDd l6t th6m Dibble l So I simply looked away at the place

Sarah said: "Well, I'll be going now, Mr. Johnson," in a different tone of voice, as if she was growing up fast; and I said, "I'll walk a bit of the way with you"; and we walked along till within sight of the home station ; mc being terribly silent, as if I had something on my mind, and it might be Sarah; and Sarah not saying much neither. So I gave a heavy sigh—you might almost call it a groan —and said, "Goodnight," and she said "Good-night," and I stood and watched her out of eight — that being good medicine she was bound to take,; and then I strode gaily back to the hut and had peaceful reflections waiting for Bill. Nine o'clock came, and no Bill; ten o'clock and no Bill; it was close on eleven before that emitten mate of mine came giggling down the track. Yes, giggling; the poor chap was very far gone —absolutely mushy. "How about it, Bill?" I greeted him. Bill giggled; he couldn't sipp himselt I gave him time to sober up, but he didn't sober up, only sat on the log and looked at the moon and chuckled to himself. Becoming impatient I walked round the back of him and pushed him off the log, and there was a bit of a scramble before we separated and Bill started to tell hk story—too long to report. The short of it is that Bill chased Julia till he caught her—Julia having no doubt intended to be caught, and after a lot of palaver they fixed things up, and Bill is right bower, and he has kindly mortgaged all my assets to build a real house, his own being sunk in one hundred acres of well-timbered territory; and it looks as if I would have to yield up some of them to a true mate, reserving the remainder for projects of my own, and having another shearing season in view. Thus having made a good day of it, I left Bill building the house in his dreams and Julia no doubt furnishing it, and I trust Sarah slept as well as I did. So no more at present. Buy your "Brett'3 Almanac" to-day. The diary alone ia worth the money for household purposes. 1/6, posted 1/10. — "Star" Office or booksellers.—(Ad.)