IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 19, 23 January 1926, Page 22

IN MERRIER MOOD

The prize of five shillings is awarded this week to Mrs. Logic Brown for "A NATURAL ERROR." Little Mary Brown, an inveterate little storyteller of six, was in deep disgrace for a particularly lurid statement about having seen a lion at the gate, and was told she must pray to be forgiven. Next morning , , on her mother asking her if she had done so, she said: "Yes Mummy, I asked God to forgive mc, and He said: 'Don't mention it, Miss Brown; I've often taken a large yellow dog for a lion Myself." THREE CURIOS. There is a true story of an earl who is a miser, and hoards bank notes. Being at his banker's one day, he happened to take out of his pocket book a Bank of England note for £10,000. "Why, my lord," cried the astonished banker, '"are you aware that there are only two other such notes in circulation?" '*I ought to be," was the quiet reply, 'for I have them both at home, framed and glazed." JUST BALDWIN. Mr. Stanley Baldwin, the Prime Minister, during his recent travels, met an old 'Varsity colleague in a train, and recognised him as a senior scholar when he was a Freshman at Oxford. The Premier introduced himself ac "Baldwin." "Baldwin? Baldwin?" Let mc see," the other pondered: then suddenly his face lit up. "Of course I remember you." he said, delightedly, "but tell mc, what are you doing now?" 'TWAS EVER THUS. The leading soprano of a touring opera company wa3 an extremely attractive lady. Her charms one night inspired a young mail in the audience to try to see her behind the scenes. Interviewing the manager, he begged to be allowed to speak to the prima donna, and went on to say: "Tou're lucky! You see her every day. Aren't you in love with her?" 'TRather!" was the reply. "Oh," said the young man, "her husband, perhaps?" "Xo," said the marfager, "her son." The enamoured one left hurriedly. THE FALSE TOOTH. Mr. Richard Marsh, who was racehorse trainer to the Bang, says that Lord Marcus Beresford never kept you waiting, he could always hit off the situation, with delicious irony or sparkling wit, and he was great fun on making a tour of the stables with any distinguished visitors. "His quick wit was shown when the late Lord Carnarvon told him that he had found a capital name for a horse of his, 'I'm going to call Kirn False Tooth, he explained. " 'That sort of name is no good to you,' dryly said Lord Marcus. " 'And why not?' " 'Because you can't stop it. You must think of something eke.' "Fortunately the late Lord Carnarvon was not without a sense of humour himself, which prevented him taking Lord Marcus' suggestion too seriously that he made a habit of 'stopping , horses." "Lord Marcus was at Windsor Castle for Ascot Races and King Edward missed him—but at last found him playing cards—and His Majesty said: 'Oh, there you are, Marcus, I didn't think you played cards, in fact I thought you didn't know one card from another.' Lord Marcus quickly replied: 'But I know a King when I see, one, Sir I'" THE REASON. One of the King's horees, Perrier, was exceptionally good-looking but his looks belied his powers. Some Frenchmen came to buy him 'They were received by Lord Marcus Beresford," says Mr. Richard Marsh, the King's trainer. " 'There, monsieur,' he observed to the head of the Commission, 'is a horse after your own heart. He is of good colour, he is sound, and he has splendid bone. And he certainly should have won the Derby.' All this time the horse was being walked and trotted about. When he said that the" horse should have won the Derby I pricked up my ears, and wondered what might be coming next. " ' Why didn't he win the Derby?' they inquired. " 'Well,' replied Lord Marcus, who throughout his life I never knew to be at a loss for words, 'at a most critical point of the race six or seven others passed him and he lost!'"

PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. For tne test anecdote *ent in each week a prize of Five Shillings will be awarded. While in judging preference will be given to local stories, contributions need not be original, but_in all case* the source from which taken should be stated. Ihe Editor's decision must be regarded as final. All anecdotes intended for competition must be received at this office by the Monday preceding publication. The envelopes containing contributions must be endorsed with the words "Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner, and addressed Editor, "The Auckland Star," Auckland.

For Men Only. It's a wonderful thing for the women ' The popular permanent wave, ; Now it's up to a struggling inv'entol, j To get out a permanent shave, ' * But Not Quite. Friend: Did you gee old estate settled up! Lawyer: Yes, but the heirs almosft got a part of it: A Good Reason. Doctor: My treatment must be doing you a great deal of good. You looking much better to-day. Fair Patient: Oh, I always l oo y much better in this hat! Of Course Not. Mrs. Ferguson: George, dear, how you like my new hat? Mr. Ferguson: Do you want my rea| opinion of it. Laura? Mrs. Ferguson: No, I don't, you mean thing. No Pressing. "Toofus!" "Yes, sir?" "Call up my dentist and see if he caij make, an engagement with mc. And Toofus?" "Yes, sir?" "Don't press him." A Gentle Hint. Small Nephew: That threepenny bifl you gave mc slipped through a hole my pocket. Uncle: Well, here's another. Don let it do the same. Nephew: I'll try not to. uncle, hut don't you think half a crown would hi safer ?

Thai Was All Joynes: I tell you, Singleton, yen* don't know the joys and felicities of A contented married life, the happy flight of years, the long, restful calm of— Singleton: How long have you bees married? Joynes: A mouth. Worth Something. "So you have sold your pig, Giles? , * j "Yes." "How much did you get for it?" "Ten pounds." "What did it cost to keep it?" "Ten pounds." "That didn't make much." "No, hut I had the pig's company aH the ■winter!" Out Of The Count. Wealthy Father (to -would-be son-in* law): Is it my daughter you want, or is it her money? Suitor: Sir, you know very well thafl I am an amateur athlete. Wealthy Father: What's that got t* do with it? Suitor: A great deal sir. It debars mc from taking part in any event foil money. ■? All That Way Off. At the wedding anniversary of a cer» tain oil magnate one of the guestsi noticing a lonely-looking and rather shaibily-attired man in a corner of the room, walked over to him. "I was introduced to you," he eaid» "but I did not catch your name." "ily name," replied the other, Simpkins." "Oh, then, you are a relative of ou? host." "Yes," rejoined the "poor relation, ,, "I am his cousin, five hundred thousand pounds removed."