RANDOM RECOLLECTIONS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 19, 23 January 1926, Page 21

RANDOM RECOLLECTIONS.

"MAORI AS SHE IS SPOKE.' (By J. McCOMBIE.) During the early sixties, when the Maori War was in full blast, and tho backblock settlers were in constant dread of their lives, there was a small steamer trading between Auckland and tho East Coast ports. She was mostly employed by the Government conveying troops, and munitions of war, from place to place"; and the captain was a well-known character amongst seafaring men. I On the occasion of one trip from Tauranga to Auckland the Minister of Native Affairs happened to be on board, and the general topic of the conversation was the recent brutal murder of the Eev. Volkner at Opotiki. There were several Maori passengers, and amongst these was one man whose face was ornamented with heavily tattooed lines. After taking especial Btock of this man, the Minister asked the captain if he could speak Maori. Captain: Yes, I can make myself understood, but there are times when I have some difficulty about interpreting their replies correctly. Minister: Ask that elaborately tattooed Maori whether he knows anything about the murder of the Rev. Volkner. Before leaving Tauranga, he was pointed out to mc as being the head and front of all the trouble in the Opotiki and Whakatane districts. Then the captain approached tho Maori and addressed him as follows: Aho, Jack, kewha was yackwi when Volkner was pukarooed? (Where were you when Volkner was murdered?) Maori: Kahore ahau c niohio te korero Pakeha. (I do not understand your language. )' Minister: What does he say? Captain: Hβ says that he- belongs to the Urewera country, and that he knows nothing about East Coast affairs. No Pigeon English. The chief engineer on one of the inter-provincial steamers noticed a Maori taking an occasional peep into the engine room, as if he was deeply interested in the revolving machinery. Then he buttonholed the Maori and said to him: Herro you peranga the engine, Kapi the Napi Kapi passage, no taiho, get you home quick and lively. Maori: If you will address mo in any known European language, I will endeavour to give you a suitable reply, but I do not understand pigeon English. A backblock Cockio tried to make a bargain with a young Maori to carry out some bush-felling, and, in doing so, resorted to broken English and badlyconstrued Maori, as follows: "Tenakoe, Emera, you riki the main bush. I give you five herrin', mit the hickapenny, beef, roaf, et te kiki, per day, and you do the choppin'." This Maori had just come home after having three years' tuition at Te Aiite College, and, resenting the Cockie's method of bringing about a deal, he said: "Damn your beef, roaf, et te kiki. Tell mc in plain English what you want mc to do, and how much per day yovi propose to pay mc, and then I will decide whether it is worth my while to take it on or not." Maori Anecdotes. A middle-aged Maori, whose wife died suddenly, visited a. country newspaper office for the purpo.se. of arranging about the publication of a funeral notice. Ho asked the newspaper man what the charge would be, and the latter replied, "Three shillings per inch for one insertion." After indulging in a little mental arithmetic, the Maori voiced his opinion thus: "Py korry, mista, my wahine is 6t5 inches long, and your charge would be £9 18/. I no able to find that money without hokoing all tho pigs and potu toes at the kianga." Explanations ensued, and the lady's demise was duly announced in the next issue of the "buster." This case occupied the time of the Land Court for several days. The writer attended to watch the proceedings on behalf of a syndicate, which had advanced money to Taroati on the possibility of his securing a title to a valuable block of land. Herni built his claim on the fact that hie tribe had flailed, cultivated, cooked and camped on the land in dispute for generations without let or hindrance, and the judge decided in his favour. After the Court had adjourned, I told Tamati that I was very sorry the verdict had gono against him, and that the land had been awarded to a slave like Hemi Te the dog. Tamati replied: "Never mind; about 40 years ago, during one of our tribal fights, Hemi's uncle was killed, cooked in a Maori oven, and I helped to cat him. Now I think we are about square."