MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 7, 9 January 1926, Page 22

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Hβ: "May I W. the U.t dance?" * Shw "I think 7ou't« |u4 ft,*

She: I wonder who invented that superstition about Friday being an un. lucky day. He: Oh, some poor fish. Collector: Please contribue to our fund to send a missionary to the cannibals. Snappy: No, miss I'm a vegetarian.' "Mr. and Mrs. Brown seem rather unhappy lately. I think there must be a rift in the lute somewhere." "Didn't even know they were musical." Marie: Every time I have an argument with Gerald I make a note of it in ray diary. Maisie: I see—you keep a scrap-' j book. "I woke up last night and found someone going through my pockets." "Did you shoot?" "No, do you think I want , to be a widower ?" I "How's the business going?" "Like clockwork." "Why, I heard you had failed." "So I have. They've just wound up the business." He: Darling, if I give you such an expensive engagement ring we can't get married so soon. She: Never mind dear. For your sake I can wait. Charitable lady (to beggar): Poor man, haw miserable you look. Beggar (confidentially) : I wouldn't be much good at i this job if I didn't. Teacher: Gas is an invisible and j intangible element; that is, it cannot be j seen or felt. Johnny: That's funny. I often hear pa say he stepped on it. She: Now, my dearest, won't you buy mc a new piano for a birthday present? He: But my darling, wouldn't it be a pity to play your old pieces on a new piano ? —— / Girl (taking music lessons): Do you think I might use my voice in public? ! Disheartened musician: Oh, I suppose io. You might cheer when the King goes by. Driver of steam roller: Will ye be walkin' up and down there long? Policeman (haughtily) : What busi« ness is it of yours? . Driver of steam roller: Well, I want to know whether I'll have to roll it or ! not! i

His Obsession. Uncle George: And how do you like •your employer, Tommy? Tommy: Oh, he isn't so bad, but he's bigoted. Uncle George: Bigoted! In what way? Tommy: He's got an idea that words can only be spelled his way. No Doubt About It. P.C. 47: I found the prisoner sitting on a doorstep, yer worship, at half-past three this morning. Magistrate: Was he alone? I P.C, ' 47: He was, yer worship! Magistrate: How do you know? P.C. 47: I was with him, yer worship!! A Predicament. "Yes," she remarked, "I am greatly troubled. "By what?" , "Well, I want to get married just to I prove that I can, and I don't want to get married just to prove tbat I don't wish to. If I don't, they'll say I can't; if I do, they'll say I have no more independence than any other woman." One Way Out. The foreman of a gang of railwaymen had more than his share of Irish wit. One day he was walking along his section of the line when he found one of his labourers fast asleep in the shads of a hedge. i Eyeing the man with a smile, he said: I "Slape on, ye idle 6polpeen, slape on. So long as ye slape ye've got a job, but , when ye wake up ye're out of wurrk!" How To Make Sure. Ethel Gotrox: Oh, Reginald, they say ! you are ,„ fortune-hunter, and are only marrying mc for my wealth. Tell mc jit is not true. Lord Dedbroke: Why, my dearest, I .would marry you if you were penniless. Ethel Gotrox: Prove this, my own Reginald, and I shall be absolutely happy. Lord Dedbroke: Settle the whole of your vast fortune upon mc, leave yourself destitute, and I will wed you iv the face of the whole world.