MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 246, 17 October 1925, Page 22

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"I feel like a glass o , beer, Bill" "I wish you was, mate?" "She intends to keep her youth ,, "i know. She never introduces hhn anyone." ° Sophistication: Getting back, at forty to where you thought you were at etx teen. Free speech is something that was originally intended for persons who had something worth saying. Author: And what did you think ol my last joke. Editor: Glad to know it was your last. "Half a dozen doctors gave Browne vs." "What was the matter with him?" "Up didn't pay their bills!" Milliner: Ah. a new hat? And what do you want it to match? Mrs. BrownMy husband's bank balance. "Saw a chap last night who could mate a £o note <i,>appear in ten seconds" "Nothing remarkable. Did you ever send a son to college?" . Artist: I'm going to paint your cottage to-morrow. Old farmer: That's fine. I'll fetch you a couple of lone ladders. B "Well, Tommy, how would you like your hair out?" "Like father's— wita a hole in the middle!" After a long wait the waiter approached. "Let mc see. Did you order schnapper?" "Yes, but I'll take flounder if the schnapper aren't biting."

"Hang It! This Iβ the last time I'll era ask a lighthouse keeper for his daughter , ! hand." Doctor: Do you open both window! ■ in your bedroom, as I specified! Patients No, sir. There is only one window ( , bo I opened it twice. Servant: Professor, your little ecnhai broke his leg. Profeseor: How many times must I tell you that it ii not "broke" 5 it's "broken." She: Dearest, will you love mc when I'm old? He: Love you! Why, I shall idolise—urn—cr —you're not going to look like your mother, are youl Jfistress: The bed hasn't been swept under for three months. Servant: I've only been here three -n-eeks. That other girl must have been an idle hussy. Actress: I want your paper to mention the theft of my jewels. Reporter! When did it take place? Actress: Next Monday. Mrs. Torker (sighing): Ah, one half of the world doesn't know how the other half Buffers. Mrs. Kaustic: Well, cheer up, my dear; it isn't your flwlfc Judge: You are accused of breaking a jug on the head of the plaintiff. Accused : Well, I had no intention of keeking the jug. Customer —How much are your chickens? Poulterer—Eight and six, matt —raised them myself. Customer—Evidently ; I noticed they were only eeven and six when I passed this morning. "You are run down," said the doctor. "You need an ocean voyage. Will your business permit it?" "Oh, yea," replied the patient. "I'm second mate of the I Anna Maria, just in from Hongkong. Golfer—They're all afraid to play »* What do you think my handicap »' Girl—Oh, I don't know. It may » your face, or perhaps it's your general appearance. "Do you suppose there's a human being who doehn't talk about his nejgnj I bours?" asked the cynical man. "X 68 ,,, said the genial citizen. "Name him. "Robinson Crusoe." "But," said the cautious screen ettf who was about to perform an apparently dangerous feat, "suppose the rope enoulo break?" "By George!" cried the director. "That's a good idea!" "It's no good mincing things," said the doctor, "you are very bad. tnere anybody you'would like to 9eet '* ~ replied tiio patient faintly. "Who U it?" queried the doctor. "Another doc- ■ tor, pleaso," whispered the patient. Snappy Young Wife: To be frank with you, if you were to die I efcn"» certainly marry again. . Harassed Husband: I've no ° b J» I'm not going to worry about u» troubles of a fellow I shall never &<>*•