MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LVI, Issue 162, 11 July 1925, Page 22

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Up to Them. Minister's Wife: Wake up! There are burglars in the house. Minister: Well, what of it? Let them find out their mistake themselves. Can't Afiord To. Mrs. Allen: Do you go out much? Mrs. Brown: No; very little. You see we pay such a high rent for this apartment we have to stay in to get the worth of our money. Worry. Browne: Is your wife enjoying her trip? Greene: No, she keeps worrying whether the canary bird will know" her when she gets home. Easy Come. A little newsboy was standing in _, doorway crying bitterly, when a benevolent old gentleman asked: "What's the matter, my boy? Lose something?" "Yes," between sobs. "Lost a shilling." "Well, here's a shilling. How did you come to lose it?" "Betting on the All Blacks." Time. This conversation is said to have taken place in an exclusive underworld circle: "Here's a paper," said Languid Lewis, "which tells about a horse runnin' away with a woman, an' she was laid up for six weeks." "That's nothin'," rejoined Boastful Benjamin. "A friend o' mine ran away with a horse, an' he was laid up for *'*- years." No Business at All. Two farmers met on their way to church, and one said:—"Mon, I was wonderin' what ye will be askin' for yon bit sheep?" | "I was thinkin' I wad be wantin' fifty shillings," replied the other. "I'll take it at that," said the first, "but I'm awfu' surprised at you doin' business on the Sawheth." "Business 1" exclaimed the other. "Sellin' a sheep like that for fifty shillings isn't business; it's charity."

Force of Habit. The elderly passenger was talking to the conductor concerning his work on the bus. "I shouldn't mind the driving," he said, "but I don't know how I should manage to do all the writing a conductor has to do while the bus ia moving." "Oh, you get used to that, sir," returned the man. "When I write a letter at home, now, I have to get my little girl to shake the table." The Cue. Prompter (to leader of supers' dress rehearsal of stirring Roman drama): Now, are you all right with the cue? Leader: I am, sirl When the man in the sheet hollers "Katy Field," wo gets ready, and when he sings out "Rum and crackers" Prompter (frantic): "Caitiff, yield" —■ "Rome and Gracchus," stupid! Leader: Jesso, sirl When he says that wo are to go for the chap in tho brass weskit. His Question. A man, somewhat in his cups staggered up on a bridge spanning a river. He leaned over the rail and gazed down into tho stream where was reflected a full moon. Th sight fascinated him, and when another gentleman who had also looked into the cup that cheers joined him, he pointed to the reflection and asked, "Whassat?" "That's tho moon," answered the other. "If that's the moon, what's it doin' down there and whata my doin' uo here ?" Every Precaution. Mary's employer was receiving a morning call in her dressing-room from Mary. "So you wish to leave to get married, Mary? I hope you have considered the matter seriously." "Oh, I have, mum. I've been to two fortune tellers and a clairvoyant, and looked in a sign book, and dreamed on a lock of his hair, and I've been to a medium and an asterologist, and they all tell mc to go ahead, mum. I ain't one to marry reckless like, mum." For a Treat. An old customer was astonished to find one morning that, instead of his usual barber, there had been assigned to him a mere apprentice, the son of tha proprietor. "What!" exclaimed the old patron. "Are you going to lot this boy shave mc?" "Oh, come," said the proprietor, "let the boy have his fun for once. It's his birthday, sir."