RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume 55, Issue 212, 6 September 1924, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

Why not move those- troublesome ferries right up to Shelly Beach or the Whau Creek while we're about it? Mars is now declared to be uninI Possibly the science of war has there been pushed rather further than with us. Another attempt is being made to send grouse from Britain to New Zealand. With, unemployment increasing again at Home this is not surprising. An Australian correspondent., at Geneva, after choosing to share a double bed with an American rather than with a Chinese, had to go with the "undesirable immigrant:" We are not. told, however, whether the Chinese objected. Thereds one-heartening reflection about the orgy at the Artists' Ball, in Sydney. Art seems to- be flourishing, in Sydney sufficiently to- enable its devotees to buy fancy costumes and get drunk. It is not everywhere so prosperous. Or is it that Sydney artists regard this sort of Bohemianism (this use of the word seems very rough on our friends the Czecho-Slovakians, a very worthy people), as a necessary preliminary to producing something worth while? The seasons are capricious in New Zealand. One year summer is on a Monday, the next year on a Wednesday, and so on. This winter it has fallen in August-September and lasted more- than a week. Patterson says he did not try to beat Johnston. It was too hot, and he preferred to keep his energy for the Davis Cup matches. I seem to-have heard that it is sometimes quite hot in Australia. At any rate Johnston seems to have gambled on having enough energy for both congests. The Mt. Roskill Road Board, I notice, has "affluent" discharge pipes, in its new drainage scheme. I congratulatethe district on its prosperity. Early in ,its: history the plant of the Board was stolen, and the description of the property given to- the police was "one wooden barrow with an iron wheel." Now even the sewage, pipes are affluent. A Southern reporter had a narrow escape the other day. He dropped into the Labour Department's office and| finding that the inspector was out, j said: "Perhaps you could tell mc how| the unemployment situation is?" The clerk looked- him over and replied: "Are you any good at gorse-cutting?" The explanations that followed might well have included a discussion on the. j use of : words. I blame the clerk, who.ought to- have known that if a man was . looking for a job he would not talk I about the unemployment situation, but would ask if there was any work going. Plaintiff, a painter by trade, was •being: questioned: by defending counsel in a New Plymouth painting case, as to his knowledge of 7 his trade, and. had just stated' that he had read books on rfche. subject "Did you read any o£ Buskin's remarks on painting?" queriedcounsel. "No, I read: the dinkum stuff," replied plaintiff. Yes, it is awkward that for. the painting of pictures and the- painting of houses: the same word should' be used. The Painters* Union ought to get an- injunction restraining the mere artists (who often don't make as much as house painters) from causing this confusion. "A New Zealand group, specially constructed by the Dominion Museum, Wellington, for the British Empire Exhibition. They represent two specimens of the extinct gigantic moa, many Skeletons of which have been found. The small 'bird is the kiwi, which works such havoc among the lambs. It is allied to the moa, but is only about the size of a hen." This appears under a picture of two moas and a kiwi. If it were in an English paper one would not mind so much, but it comes out of the "Sydney Mail." Poor kiwi! And after all the football tours! Mr. J. W. Shaw has been writing a long footnote to Ko-Ko's song, "I've Got Tim on the List." He objects to the i cynic whom, I may recall to him, Wilde ' denned as one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing; to the cocksure person—"We're none of us infallible, not even the youngest of us"; to the pessimist—"A pessimist is a man who has been living with an optimist"; to the aggressively cheerful person; to the over-timid and the; aggressive; to the bore and the bounder.. Mr. Shaw took it for granted that every t person in his audience was- exempted. I Of course. The English judges were! drawing up an address to the Queen, and I it was proposed that it should begin,! "Conscious as we are of our infirmities." J One judge suggested that this should be] altered to "Conscious as we are of one] another's infirmities." But the list J might be prolonged indefinitely. I would add persons who talk, rustle programmes j. and suck lollies in the theatres; women i. who take up the seats in the. smoking ] compartment when there ia room in the j other; men who let tired women stand; I and men and women who say they don't profess to know anything about art, ■ architecture, or music, but they know what they like; which is the world's prize idiotic remark. But let us all be humble-minded. At one time or another everyone of us is superfluous, and the best we can hope for is to be appreciated sometimes. PARLIAMENT DAY BY DAY. When the Leader of the Opposition (Mr. T. Wilford) rose to speak, he said that Mr. Massey had beaome petulant, and had spoken much and said nothing. As a matter of fact, he seemed to be suffering from caeoethes loquendl (disease of talk-1 Ing). ■ Mr. Ua6sey: "Tou mean cacoetnes scribendi' (disease of writlnp). Mr. Wilford: "Xo. loquendl refers to speech: you mean writing."- | Mr. Massey: "I am glad to see the hon. : member knows some Latin." Mr. Wilford: "Latin is Greek to yon." : Mr. Massey: "It is Hebrew to you." ! Mr. Wilford (nslnjr the Gnlnness quotation : ; of the London Stock Exchange) : "Do you know Hebrews double?" Mr. Massey: "Don't be personal." . : Mr. Wilford: "You started it." This sort of thing costs £2 a minute. ; It brings home to us the truth of the saying that speech ia silver, but silence i ia golden. _ v [>