RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 301, 22 December 1923, Page 10 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

BY ZAMIEL

tI A Happy Christmas to all. 'nut | especially to: — Tired mothers, 1 Shop assistants. I Postmen, and • . Tram conductors. "i I here was a serious omission in my ' i li*t of "Christmas Don't-" last week. A j wife should remember to give, her husband a safety razor. The blade* are so ■ useful for unpicking clothes. , i Shakespeare had the New Zealand . ! fanner and this week's rain in niiml i when he wrote: • ; In short space It rain ,1 down fortune -howeriug on voiil- - ] head. j Mr. Massey was nreaented with a r huge nlum pudding by the Hotel t e.-il. , i I hope tie usual button and threepenny , piece were included. For Mr. Massey to get. the threeoemc would be some con,l sola! ion for the result of the elections. i It is a C|iiestion which was the happier . man ibis week--the New Zealand farmer watching the rain, or the King of tireece • I leaving Athens for a position of greater j freedom and less respon.abilitv. He nets , tRi.OOO lo take with him. and'a pension ;of iiiO.OOU. Quite a handsome retiring 1 I allowance. The gentleman who got £14.000 out of the Empire Exhibition for the loss of his services, must look to his laurels. The report cabled a few days ago | that the Prime Minister wished to make Mr. Kipling l'oct Laureate probably had no better foundation than the fact that Mr. Baldwin and the pcet are cousins. The Laureateship is a life appointment, and Dr. Bridie* shows no sigu of wishing to give it up. Not. that it. burdens him. On the contrary, his refusal to break a long silence has I caused a good deal of comment. I Mr. Horatio Bottomley, in the day- | before slow-moving justice had ( given him bis deserts, demanded in the House that, the Government should stir the poet up to write victory odes, but neither victory, nor Abbey burials, nor Royal weddings moved the Laureate to song. If he has a sense of humour he must smile at the fate of the [ criminal "bounder" who tried to prod j Pegasus. Now, however. Dr. Bridges has I broken silence. He has written for a ! magazine published by a London clergy- I man an Armistice Day Message. "Howard we to recover from the laxity, indifference and pleasure-seeking which is eating into our souls?'' he asks. '"On 1 all sides we see pleasure-seeking, indulgence, and other extravagance. Sense of duty alone will bring us that full and true happiness which little did amusement provide any shred and shadow of." After a little more prose in praise of duty, there follow four lines of verse: — "Gentleness, courage, wisdom and endurance. These are the seals of our most firm assurance: These are the spells by which to re-assume An empire over this disentangled gloom.'' Not. profoundly inspiring, is it? The sentiment is unimpeachable, but the voice has echoes of the late lamented Ella Wheeler Wilcox. This is the season for "howlers." There, are an enormous number of these joke*, but one suspects that some of the best ■re not genuine. For example, was it | really a boy who said that a lie was j "an abomination to tiie Lord, and an ever-ready help in time of trouble?"' Or "The Greeks had one wife, and called it monotony"—was this written seriously? It is impossible to be certain. I am assured that a little girl really did give as an explanation of the phrase: "To throw up the sponge"—"when you are sick after eating sponge cake for supper." A number of "bowlers," for whose genuineness I can vouch, have reached mc from this season's examination, papers. "Samuel Marsden came to New Zealand with a boat of convicts. He it was who brought civilisation to Maori- j land.'' "This man (Marsden.) with a] crowd of pioneers came to Xew Zealand { fo preach to the natives of Cod and to j get land oil them." Is it possible that i ibis enigrani was consciously framed? • There i» a well-known Maori saying that ', the missionaries caused the Maoris to look up to Heaven.- and while their at- j tention was so occupied, took .their I land. Florence Nightingale figures in j three selections. "Florence Nightingale and her nurses were a -terrible comfort I to the soldiers." Report, suggests that ; i there were nurses like that in later I wars. "Florence Nightingale showed the world how heroic even a rich woman ,-ould be." "This shows that even ladies can sacrifice a little and do grejfc deeds." Quite so: as Gilbert says: — -leans just as pure and fair ! - May beat in Redgrave Sqncre ! A.* ill the lowly air ! lit" Seven Dials: i I came upon Brown about three j o'clock one afternoon. He is a small. : forlorn-looking figure, a standing pro- j ! clamatiou that the the bachelor take*! I the wrong road. He told mc he j j had an irresistible impulse to buy a ■ Christmas present. Who for? He did ■ I not know. He has no relative*, and all I bis friends are elderly. 1 left him w-alk- j ] ing slowly into one of the great shops, j ■ looking like the man in Stephen Leacock's story who entered a bank for ! the first time. A couple of hours liter I if came across him again outsU'e flic i shop. He -was watting by the kerb: with a huge elephant in hi* arms, sur- j rounded by a group of wondering youngsters. Standing with a list to i port, caused by the weight. ~:" the; beast, he told mc hi* story. He had ; been through every department. In the; I glove department fair huiio* had smiled j ! upon him. and 't.eaute.Jiisly da-.-ed i I shopwalkers had a.*kd him wh.ii he j wanted. He could noi t-.'ll tiiem Whit; i was he lo do with lidies' glove-? Ho I hud turned over score- of men'- ;ie*. • looked at silk handkerchiefs, ry-|>wt«-d - iuzz shirts- "Heaven forbid tint- ■ I shun id wear .-tn-h tiii.:g " ami spent half an bouv in : j the furnishing department looking a\ .sideboards and getting r'n, as-i-taiil.= i •to sptead oui carpet*. Vi'hv he kadi ■done all the.-.c things he haullv knew.; jln the evil he had come upon liic lev! Idepariiiie.it, :,,,<! there br bewilderment! ! increased. Hesitating long between ! | penny whistles, monkeys on stick*, toy! • motors and race-game*', he bad i-,„„ u to : : realise the futility of his eor-duci, ami 1 suddenly boiighf the largest elephant ill the place. "And what are you going to d,, with it?" I asked. "I haven't the slightest idea." he replied. "Well.'" 1 -aid. "why noi paint it white and present it to the Mayor or the chairman of the Harbour Board. It will not j be lonely." He t bought it was a good j ; idea, so I helped him into a I went on with mv shopping. ' . 4