RANDON SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 124, 26 May 1923, Page 18

RANDON SHOTS.

Some write a neighbour's namo to lasn, Some write—vaio thought—for needless caan, Some write to please the country clash And raiae a din; For roe, an atm I never rush, I write for fun.

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Unionist prospects are such that it looks as if the appointment of the new British Prime Minister might be a "bald win." In the meantime the apt quotation is:— The war, that for a apace did fail. Now trebly thundering, swell'd the gale, Ana —Stanley was the cry. And—" Thank goodness," cays the Englishman, " they have found an Englishman fit to rule over a country of which the EnglisM provide most of the population and the greater part of the brains and character." Certainly the "Celtic fringe" has had more than its share of Premiere in our time. It is curious that the platform for the presentation to Sir. Massey on Thursday should hnve been creeled over tlie spouting fountain itt tho park. Of course, the water was turned off. There was enough flow on the platform. It is suggested in France, and the idea has "been taken up with enthusiasm, that at dances women should wear projecting "buffers' , on their belts to keep their partners at a distance. Would it not be more artistic to serve the ends of morality in this way by reintroducing the crinoline ? ''I do not understand plumbing In New Zealand," says an immigrant. Welcome, comrade 1 A emile passed around the room at a meeting of the Hamilton Chamber of Commerce recently, when a letter was received from the Prime Minister promising to place before the Minister of Railways a certain recommendation by the chamber with reference to railways. The Premier is, at the present time, himself Minister of Railways. I wonder whether Mr. Masse}', as Prime Minister, solemnly writes minutes to himself as Minister of Railways. 1 suspect that these days the first thing he aslce when he meets his secretaries in the morning is: "What departments do I control to-day?" The attitude of America towards European problems, and to a leaser extent, perhaps, that of the British Government towards France in the Khur, recall a story of a lire brigade and a fire. The lire broke out in a farmhouse, and the amateur fire brigade rushed to the rescue. They found the farmhouse enveloped in black smoke. No flames were to be seen. Tho head of the amateur brigade studied the situation for some minutes; then he sat down on a bench and filled hie pipe. '"We'll just leave her alone, boys," he said, "till she burns up a bit. Then we'll be able to see what we're doing." There are some people who figure In our cable news of whom I am getting tired. Mclba is one. I am tired of reading that she drew tears by singing "Home, Sweet Home." Sho generally manages, directly or indirectly, to draw something more substantial than tears. The black boxer Siki is anotaer. He bobbed up again in the cable news the other day as the centre of a sensation in a dance hall, whore his entrance leading a real lion caused a sensation. Siki is a primitive savage to whose weak head gold has mounted, and he is becoming an offence and a nuisance. Tho kindest thing would be to ship him back to Africa and give him some useful employment. The public is offered the following as the effort of a Fourth Standard schoolboy at a New Zealand school who was called upon to -write a composition on New Zealand's most important revenueproducer: "The cow is a nobull and kinehearted creature. The man who looks after her is called a cowherd, but for all that he is no coward. Cows exi=t by means of ox-ygen in the atmosphere. By the cow is the milk made. I know this to bo true, for I have seen tho milkmaid l>y the cow." Now, really, i 9 this ofVcr serious? I am coming to think that the compilation of schoolboy '"howlera" must be one of those queer occupations that Mr. Chesterton exploited so brilliantly in "The Club of Queer Trades" but did not exhaust. Newspapers will have to demand a birth certificate with "howlers." A etory is going the rounds, but whether it apphes to Auckland or not no one seems to know. One of the hospital boards in the Dominion has, so the story goes, started the erection ot a nurses' home, and one of the innovations connected with it is to l>o a swimming pool for the use of the nurses, who will be tradned in floating, diving and swimming. Recently, :i party of ladies visited the place mid were deeply interested in what they saw in the nurses' quarters. There was a social hall, a ballroom in which a special dancdng floor had been laid, and balconies on which the sun shone nearly all day, tennis courts, and many other conveniences, but most thoughtful of all was tho swimming pool. One lady visitor ventured to ask, so it is said, if "mixed bathing" would be allowed in the pool. " Oh, I think so," replied the medical superintendent. " 1 suppose that means that the young doctors will teach the nurses how to swim:" again interposed the visitor. '"I'm not quite sure that that will be the case," replied the doctor. " What else do you think it might mean?" queried the lady again. " Well, what was running in my mind," responded the doctor, "was that I thought we might allow mixed bathing with the members of the board, who take such an interest in the welfare of the nurses, and they being elderly gentlemen, iaight not prolong the dip to such length as some of our young medical staff." " Oh, indeed," thought several ladies at once. "That is why the board does so much of its work in committee; the wives of members do not know half of what is going on. but pome r>! us will soon inform them, for this mixed bathing problem is of far more importance than ran-i of them tliink." The story goes on to Fay thnt the pool is stUl in course of construction.