MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 72, 24 March 1923, Page 20

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"..My father wcigued only four pounds ! v hen iie \va> born." j "liroul heavens! Did he live?" "Are you saving money for the rainy I day." lie asked. "I am not," was the reply. "As fur as I'm concerned, It's ruining huh." | [ ' 1 ! 1 I Patient: "Wlv chief trouble, doctor, id ' J H ilh niv liri'Htliing." Doctor: "Ah, wu'll soon put a stop to thill '' "Ilad. what is nn orator?" ; "<"j. he's o-:c of tho.-ip chnpo. old man, j ! '.\!:o iin , Hl«ay.-i ready lo lay ilo.wi yutir ! life !dr their fountry." i Tin , caller, who was neither youthful j I nor nl' preposscssitifr appearance, anxious ;to £11 in ihe ronflilenra of the son of the , !i(i-.ise. roinarked pleasantly, "Why, Ituhliy, how grown up you are! Hut I btill. you nre uot too old to kiss, are i you ':" ] "No."' said Bobby, with conviction, I "hut vim are.' , "Tli is will he your tuppence, uir," said (lie haughty waitress. not I allowed to take tips here." 1 Hie customer frowned. "1 am aware of tlie fact," lie Raid, "and 1 thought you would be clad I had ; broken the rulo in your interest." "Not with tuppence!" replied the girl. "Breakin , a rule with tuppence is only add in' insult to injury." A CHANGE FOR THE WORSE. ! "That yoi.njF doctor doesn't seem to be ■ milking money very fast.' , ■'No. It's a hard at first, I Mip-pn-e. but he sticks it well. Sits there waitini! for a dhancc like Tatir-nre on a \ '•Well, let'- hope when he pets it, it j won't In- a case of monuments on his j l«ti-nt-.-

i The Artist: "I'd like to paint your porI trait. Have you ever been done in ! oik;" ! The Girl: "Well, I lost £5 in a Petroleum | Syndicate once!"' — "London Opinion." WHAT TICBBY MISSED. A tourist who had been caught in a severe storm in the Highlands, congratulated himself, after finding a solitary , cottage, on being asked to stay overflight? j After donning a suit of his host's 'clothes until his own were dry, he met the mistress on the stairs with a big book in her hands. The good woman, mistaking the stranger for her husband, gave him a thump on the head, remarking: — I ••That's for askin' the man to stay a' Inieht." OBLIGING. "Would you be so kind as to return my photograph." she wrote. "1 gave it to you in a moment of girlish folly, and 1 have since had occasion to regret that 1 was so thoughtless in such matters." Of course, she pictured that photograph framed and hung up in his room, lind was inclined to think that he would pari, with it with deep regret. He had otfended her in some way, but it is unr.ecossurv'to inquire how. The reply to her note came the following .!..> : "I regret," it read, "that I am unable at this late day to pick out your pliii'.i Lti'iph. However. 1 send you my entire .•.dice!ion, numbering; more than 200, 'and would request that you return all except your own. 1 enelos-e stamps to ■prepay postage." •j SAVKD! 'j X... I. ne ago a commercial traveller 'saved bis employers from sustaining a ' serious loss by his presence of mind. '; lie was travelling tor a firm of dia'lll.llll merchants, and his business took "ibim to :i town in Yorkshire. | He called at an inn for a drink. When I; he left ho forgot libs bag. containing some -| thousands of pounds' worth of precious 1 stones. li On discovering his loss he returned, 1 but the barman declared he had not seen 1 the bag. •■[ would not have lost, it for worlds." said the traveller. "I am, a surgeon, and f that bag contained phials of cholera - microbes." c White and trembling. Hie barman i pointed to the bag, which he had secreted 1 behind the counter, and it was removed at once by the quick-witted traveller.