RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 59, 10 March 1923, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

Zamil

Some write a neighbour s name to lash, Some write—vain thonght—for needless casn, Some write to please tbe country clash And raise a din; For mc, mi aim I never fash, ' 1 write for fun.

"Girl wanted for errands; one who can crochet or knit preferred."—What, on the errands? Most obliging of the advertiser! V Considering the cost of their case, the Eden petitioners may echo the words of Shakespeare's Bishop of Ely, that "tho strawberry grows underneath tho nettle." The Education Board has had to take action in the case of young men who use teaching merely as a half-way house to the law. This gives point to a schoolboy's recent remark that teaching is "a sedimentary profession." Talking of schoolboys' unconscious humour, the news of the abandonment Of a certain boxing match reminds mc that a schoolboy said that "Psycho was a black boxer who fought Carpcntlcr." During a football match at Live»pool a grandstand caught fire, "and the brigade fought tho fire from the touchline while the game proceeded uninterruptedly." Thank goodness that admirable doctrine of "business as usual," which was so heartening during tho war, is not dead.

| Tlie death was reported the other day of an -'elderly" man of eighty-one. Perhaps he was some relation of the family in, I think, one of Lever's books, the son of which was killed at the age of about sixty. His mother attended the inquest, and said tearfully to the Bench; "Ah, ! your Honor, I knew I would never get j him rared." Signor Mussolini, in instructions' to all I Italian Embassies and Consulates to 'celebrate the jubilee of the death of Manzoni, tho Italian poet and novelist, suggests that foreigners can best comi memorat* Italy's Walter Scott by read- ' ing his works. An admirable sug?est':on, I which might be given a wider application. Tf, for example, all the people who pay homage to Shakespeare were to read him. •j "It is understood that double-breasted I coats will be worn by the best-dressed : ! men," said a fashion cable from London • during the week. "Grey will be the ' chief colour, but plum brown and powder ' I blue will also be fashionable." I am II sorry, but I am afraid my old pepper'l ami-salt suit will have to do mc a bit • Monger.

-•* joKe irojn -juoge,' America: —mc Secretary: Here's a letter from a map who compliments us on the improved service, saying he hasn't failed to find a seat on the cars at any time during the last two weeks. The Traction Magnate: Reply, thanking him for the information. Then issue an order to the traffic manager to take off 20 per cent of the cars at once. Of course, this couldn't happen in Auckland. The City Council never gets such letters. A correspondent is disturbed about the indelicate way in which women beautify themselves in public. "Can't somejthing be done about itt" he asks. "Tlie I other day I was in a train. As it | approached Auckland two women got out their vanity bags, and without the I slightest trace of self -consciousness proSeceded to powder their faces and redden their lips in front of everybody." The only thing that I can suggest is that men should retaliate. Suppose, for example, .that in the middle of an evening party a young man felt his chin thoughtfully and then drew a safety razor from his pocket and began to shave himself. Or ihc might produce a tooth-brush and give | his teeth a bit of a rub. It seems to 'nre there are distinct possibilities in the idea. I The story of Mr. Massey being addressed as "old chap," and asked to help •in carrying some goods into a house, • could be paralleled in the case of other famous men. The Prime Minister is a man utterly devoid of false pride, and anyone who asked him for such help '. would be as sure of getting it as tbe Te Aroha wagerer was certain that he would shake hands with him. A New ' Zealandcr had a similar experience in ' Scotland some years ago. In a remote 1 i 6pot in part of the Empire that ■ I governs the rest and doesn't let the '■ ' rest forget it. she made friends with a • ! shabby, elderly man who spent most of I his time fishing. As her boat left, her 1 I friend was on the pier, and she waved to ' | him demonstratively. "Who are you • i waving to?" asked a companion. -That's

my fisherman," she replied. "That! Why, that's the Prime Minister!" It was Mr. Afiquith on holiday. It is very unsafe to judge people by' their dress. Mr. Bal. four, for example, will go about in almost anything. The higher you get. the more indifferent you can afford to become to dress convention. A Prime Minister can afford to go about in an old tweed suit and a cap, but his private secretary must be spick and span. I The bias in the cabled reports of the match in Sydney between the M.C.C. team and New South Wales was quite humorous. First of all we were told that the Englishmen were so slow in making their 275 the first day that the crowd became audibly sarcastic, and there was caustic comment on MacLaren's strictures about New' Zealand cricket. On the morrow, the New South Wales side was at the wickets most of the day for 2!>6, but the only suggestion of slowness in the report was that Bardsley played cautiously, and this was qualified by praise of his scoring shots. Other batsmen played sparkling and brilliant cricket. When on the third day. Caltborpe made a century, it was "valuable, but colourless." Then, when New South Wales, went in for the second time, batsmen "threw their wickets away" in an attcmnt to hit up 257 runs in 85 minutes. They must have been super-optimists. When has such a total been scored in such a lime in firstclass cricket? Two of the English batsmen were barracked for "pottering about" in the first innings. Well, their side was in a difficulty, and possibly the bowling was good. What is cricket, anyway? Does it exist solely for the |fast scorer!