RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIV, Issue 47, 24 February 1923, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS.

i S.me write a neighbour's name to last). ( Some write—vain thought—for needless cash, Some write to please tbe country clash And raise a din: ■ For lue. an aim I never fash, I write for fun. Let us iiope that Dr. Cove does not come to New Zealand. He might persuade the railways that they are getting better ami better every day. "Machine-guns'' were reported to be ! "promenading the streets" at Essen a I few days ago. In the same way, perhaps, that a shark was "patrolling the beach at Napier recently. • I hope the cable will not forget to tell [ us when Princess Mary's baby cuts its first tooth. Also I want to know ' whether, despite the warning in Dr. j Trubv King's book, which Sir James Allen has so kindly presented, the Royal infant will be soothed with a comforter. The infant, so it is reported, is to have the title of Prince. Perhaps there [! was a little rebuke on his arrival sint- . iilar to one administered (fictionally, I .I presume), to the Duke of YYellington at [I the birth of King Edward VII. "Is it la boy?" he asked the.nurse. "So. your • I Grace, it'rf a Prince!" 11 ; | The president of the B.M.A. at the ' annual conference in Christchurch was • very severe on "quacks." Some of the ' latter might retort that they don't advise the removal of wheels and screws when the watch is brought for repair; - nor do liiev leave instruments in the > works. A speaker at the engineers" conference •j spoke of the temptation that beset [motorists to go at a dangerous speed ■j so as to race a train running parallel ;to tbe road. Purely round Auckland the i difficulty would rather be to keep a car t down to the pace of a train. A new peril has come to light. All ' men who dictate their correspondence • are advised to read the following Wellington paragraph and take warning: — "The letters C.M.B. which appeared • after the signature of Mr. V\ r . J. Pol- ' son to a letter published in yesterday's '''Dominion' have led to Mr. Poison rei ceiving congratulatory inquiries from |s o me°of his friends. We regret that r ; the letters do not bear the significance .suspected. They were the initials of 1 1 the typiste who typed the letter and : ] being "placed close beside Mr. Poison's I sirrnature were mistakenly inserted I with it." AH business men whose 'i typists (should it be "typist" or » "typiste".) have 0.8.' E. for initials are ' advised to discharge them for safety. "As an educated and somewhat cul- . tured body of men," said a spenker at the Civil Engineers' Conference, "we . should not ignore," etc. This somewhat reminds mc of "Punch's" suggestion that the curate should be known as the rather . reverend. It is reported that the plumbers are ; annoyed with the civil engineers for fl seeking the same amount of protection ias the plumbing profession enjoys. No f plumber, so it was pointed out, could put i a washer on a kitchen tap without a . license. The plumbers want to know if > tho engineers have any idea of the i amount of skill required and responsibi--1 lity (and time) involved in fixing up a ' tap. 1 1 hope, however, that the engineers will • not be raised to the status of the • plumbers. Fancy engineers going back , for their theodolites and tilings. ,|_ Mr. Frank Fox, a well-known Austra- . Tiaii author, defends his countrymen from ithe charge of being especially prone to .wearing. "It is a matter more of ,'humour than of anger, and to practise , the art demands variety and imagination. Ask any officer who was with the i A.LF. during the war, and he will probably ronflrtn that Australian' swearing ,is marked by quality rather than by quantity." Home of my readers will rei, member Ihe war story of the sentry. !"\Y'bo goes thereV" Answer: " -» ! ! '■ — —!" "Pass Australian:" 1 lint what an interesting vista this defence j opens up. Counsel defending a man j charged with using bad language: "I ask I your Worship to note the extraordinary | literary quality, the variety, the lyrical beauty, of accused's words." Discharged with admiration. The latest from America. Travellers are advised to carry guinea pigs with them to test the quality of any liquor offered them. The nnima] should lie allowed to lap a few drops of the fluid and 'hen be watched carefully for 15 minutes. If a pleased expression comes over its face the drink may !>o taken without fear, if it dies it is advisal»le to leave the liquor alone if possible. Each guinea pig should only 1 _ used in testing three drinks, as after that it is impossible to tell whether it is dead or dead drunk. It is said that cases can be procured to carry four animals. The cases are made to fit the pocket of evening clothes, or can be carried by Indies in a vanity case. The Duke of Bedford complains that the State takes 12/0 in the pound from his income in taxation. One is led to believe from the cable message that his income is. only £-_O.(K . a year, but I should say it was a good deal more than that. Hi- Crace is one of the wealthiest men in England. The fortunes of tiie family went up with a hound when, in tiie seventeenth century, the Earl and others got 1. .000 acres of fen country ion condition that they drained it. This .! land is some, of the richest in England. , I The title was raised to a dukedom as a i reward for the part the earl played in I bringing over AY .lliam the Third, and it ,! i.s reported that the earl was not very ,! keen to wear the strawberry leaves. It" ,' he remained an earl, he said, his son; ,' would continue to I. plain Honourable-, I and as such could go out and earn their , | living, Inn if he became a duke they' ! i would all have the title of Lord. nis I Cruce is It suppose) head of the famous . I house of Russell, which has given many p , able men to the service of England. One ,' of the clan is Bertrand Russell, famous , as possessing one of the finest mathema- , Ueal-philosophieal brains in Britain, and ' notorious as a pacifist during the war. t lie gels hi- :irst name from Hugh Bertr rand, a follower of The Conqueror, tiiis . i Bertrand being one of the founder, of j the family. The irony of itl