MERRIER MOMENTS

Auckland Star, Volume LIII, Issue 309, 30 December 1922, Page 18

MERRIER MOMENTS

I Lecturer: "Women, my friends, arc I invariably hard to please." Man iv audience: "'One moment, please. Are you married?" Lecturer (irritably) : "Yes, sir; I am." "Is your wife happy?" Lecturer (proudly and indignantly) : "Yes, sir; she is! " "Then, sir, you're a liar." A small girl was asked, upon her return home, how she liked the singing of the congregation in the church. "t liked it very much indeed." she said, "although all the people said it was bad." "All the people said it was bad! What do you mean, my dear?" "Oil, it was so bad that I heard the people praying, "Have mercy upon us,miserable singers.'" There was not even standing room in the crowded tramcar, but one more passenger, a young woman, wedged her way just inside the doorway. Each time the car made a sudden lurch reward she fell back, and three times she landed in the arms of a portly man who wa-s standing on the conductor's platform. Tlie third time it happened he said, quietly: — "Excuse mc, but hadn't you better stay here?" " ' ' WASTED. Meeting an acquaintance one morning, Robinson inquired: "How did you enjoy yourself at the fancy dress ball last night?" "Oh," was tho reply, "I made a fool of myself I" "How was that ?" "Wll3', when the masks were removed", I found that I liad wasted a whole evening spooning with my wife!" THE UNKNOWN. His dog was a fierce Airedale, which had whipped every other dog in the neighbourhood. Then he clipped its coat. "Yes," he said to a friend, "clipping I was my own idea. 1 believe it makes him look better, but it was very awkward for the dog." "How was that?" asked his friend. '"Ob, the other dogs didn't know him, and he had to fight 'em all over again." A GOOD BARGAIN". A Jew fell in love with another Jew's wife, but she resisted his advances. Then one day he said, "I love you so much I will give you £30 for one little kiss." : To this she consented, and the kis6 was taken. In tlie evening the husband returned and said to bis wife, "By tbe way, • old Samuel asked mc to lend him £50 ; this morning, and I did so on the under- . standing that it was returned during < the afternoon. I hope be has brought it." ( SILEXT SUFFERER. Even.- day since tbey had started < housekeeping, his bride had given him 1 the same kind of breakfast food, and 1 finally he mustered up courage to make 1 a gentle inquiry "How does it bappenltJiat we have this ] every morning?" he asked. "Ob, George!" she exclaimed, '"they 1 give the loveliest blue coupons with each , package, and for one hundred coupons ■ you can get the loveliost rewking chair. You have only to eat 90 more packages!" - 1

A WABNIXG TO OWNERS OF SMALL CAKS. "Hullo! Car crocked?" "Vce, completely done in—put insect powder down last night to kill beetles, and thie morning she was lying on her j back stone dead!" The teacher had been explaining frac-

tions to lier class. When she had discussed the subject at length, wishing to see how much light had been shed, she inquired: — "Xow, Bobby, which would you rather have, one apple or two halves?" The little chap promptly replied: — "Two halves." "Oh, Bobby," exclaimed the young woman, a little disappointed, "why should you prefer two halves?" "Because then I could see if it was bad inside." A certein couple, having been married about ten years, lived a life made up for the most part of quarrels and bickerings. One day the husband went to visit a friend whose home life was entirely different. On leaving he said to his friend: "I have enjoyed my visit here. You seem to be so happy; how do you manage it?" "It's quite simple," replied his friend; "\ make a Kiss of my wife, and kiss her quite often." Th« husband decided to try this method, and when, on arriving home, his wife opened the door he kissed her. His wife buret into tears. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Oh. dear!" sobbed the wife. "EveryI thing hae gorte wrong to-day. 1 fell down and broke a lot of china, the dog has pulled all the clothes off ttie line, the ! maid has given notice, and now you I come home drunk.