RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LIII, Issue 136, 10 June 1922, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

by ZAMIEL

Noticed at a book sale during the week "How to Make a Fortune." "Reduced from three shillings to one shilling." The irony of it! The Prime Minister, on the decision of the Aw&land Farmers' Union to form a Country Party: "How Sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!' . Could one or" the Wiltshire's _«rew not have rescued the chip's cat, instead of leaving it to an uncertain fate and perhaps a lingering death? There is an ex-seaman in Auckland who, wrecked on the inhospitable etrast of South America, was flung ashore through the surf with the ship' 6 cat hanging round his neck. lam no lover of cats, but a pet is a pet, adopted for better or worse. Lenin is again reported to be dying. It is tmderstood Trotsky is framing a protest to tlie world on the ground that Lenin is a dozen fatal illnesses and ten j attempted assassinations ahead of him. | Tlir cr'hv of thp Wiltshire were taken | !u ihc ni.-es. but it was not stated whether the entertainment included money for—ahem!—-investment. f do hope this was not overlooked. To bring shipwrecked mariners to a race bourse in New Zealand and not furnish them with t.he means of sampling our greatest national institution would be like driving a thirsty man to a bar and net offering him a drink. The joy bells have rung whii a muffled sound for the knighthood conferred on Dr. Pomare. When the Liberal Dunedin "Star" states that "mosl people would suppose that the K.B.E. -which goes to Dr. Pomare in the latest list, was earned more easily than the humbler C.M.G. which rewards the thirty yeare' direction of a. great public school by a revered headmaster,'* it may be put down to political prejudice, but the Reform "Otago Daily Times," after congratulating Mr. Carncross on his honour. says "it is more difficult to perceive reasons" fo r which Dr. Pomare ha« i been knighted. "'lt would be extravagant," continues the ''Times," "to assert that he has exhibited any particular distinction in the performance of 'his duties.' . Discipline. Mr. Massey. 'discipline! There arc now so many knights in the Cabinet that Mr. Massey must be credited wit>h setting up a new Round Table. Let us hope that the new knights, like those of King Arthur, will ride about redressing human wrongs. The Hou. W, Downie Stewart in proposing a toast at the A. and P. Society's social at Dunedin. referred to the fact that he had recently been at the Sydney Royal Show. When asked what he thought of it, he had told hie questioner. ''It is all very well in its way, but it U nothing like the winter show in Dunedin!" This reminded him of the New Zealand "digsrer" who was asked for his impressions of London. "Oh, it's all right enough." he said, "'out for a. real good ding-dong evening give mc Taihape on a Saturday night!" There are many variants of the same theme. A Dunediii boy in N'cw York, when being shown the tramway system in a section of tliai great city, said: "You oujrht to ,-oe the. cable trams in Dunedin when they come down from Roslyn." Then ngain there was the .Australian boy in London, who did not appear to be greatly impressed with St. Paul's Cathedral. ' "Ob." said he. "yon , should ?ee our AYesleyan Church at Xhjll." Xhill. be it observed, is a small wooden town in the Mallee ' country of Victoria, which has been I almost demolished by hurricanes, iipois one or two occasions. I notice the Farmers' 1 nion has caught the disease. It was decided during the week that all candidates for membership must, take the oath o! allegiance to the Crown. Let us dip into the future and look into the diary of a citizen of Ifl2o:—"A hard day. Took the oath before I boarded the tram this morning. One man who described the procedure as 'eilly rot,' and said lie was in a hurry, wae arrested. Must have been a Bolshevik. Took it a,gain when T went to the barber's to get my morning shave. Took it again before I was admitted to my tea-shop for lunch. AYent to a meeting in the Town Hall in the afternoon to consider the question of providing artificial covering for lambs in cold weather. According to the new regulations for the use of the Town Hail I had to take the oath, deposit my photograph, and give a £50 bond as guarantee of good behaviour. Went to a musical evening at the Jones's tonight. .Tones 'wae there at the door, ready to administer the oath to all. Said' that ac a loyal citizen he could not afford to take nny riaks. Rumoured that Jones himself takes the oath every night before he says hie prayers; but I scarcely credit this. All this gvowg rather irksome, but we nrnst he prepared to suffer for our loyalty." "So" (writes a correspondent over the signature, of ■•'Bella'"), "we have at last had a pitched battle in Ireland on the I'lster border, (between the forces ol the British Crown and a small detachment of the Irish Republican Array. The events of that glorious Sunday will dotubtless tip celebrated in undying song by bards belonging to both camps; but as it will tic some weeks before we can read these effusions hi N-ew Zealand, I hope you will give space to my impartial Recount of % THE BATTLE OF FETTIOO. On Sunday morn when peace should reign. And every <r •■ to cliun-b should go. The invading J* band Said—-'Now we'll have a pretty goOnr an-arming lesions sknll surround, Ami storm the town of I'ettigo:" I With horse, Rtnt and artillery. In steady ranks, advanced tlie foe: The brnvp Repulilicnns. ill-nriued. And numbering eight score or sn. Tntli courage bold revolved to hold The little town of Tettlgo. Pa=« we over the account, of the actual fighting, as it would be difrk-ult to be. impartial in relating it. and let us get to the tinalc:- - "A bnttie. plorlou* .i« Die Royiu-r MethinUs the Ulntermeu will crow; i But with the victor* ten to cue, It. can't lie called a pretty "k" 1 ": i 'TifiK but a skirmish— no one hurl A "petty 30" at Pettlgo! "Bella" proceeds to make a rattier clumsy joke about -Tettigoat Government." apropos of the women flaunting finery looted from the shops in the. devastated village: bur in "■ZamielV opinion the whole affair ie no joking matter, though fortunately the vasualties geeni to have Vwen slight, as war* e>l to-day.