LONGED TO BE WITH DEATH.

Auckland Star, Volume LII, Issue 61, 12 March 1921, Page 19

LONGED TO BE WITH DEATH.

TIRED OK LIFE SINCE HE LOST Hl'. WIFE. sin.- 1 '' 1 ' 1 ," 1 " do ™<™", which revealed the «=^*-^J_^ t «_-._«- I am just impatiently waiting till the sow current of my empty ___, drops int., the sea of death, tout do fear sometime- 1 £•11 have to hurry it on. I am a lone , lorn creature, ever since Anni_ went _|i Sain is loss, all labour vainly done "If Annie had been with __ c ', m i_ht Have tried to live, but, as I have n - thin _- now but silence and memories. ___ life m desolate without her. ■ "My cup of sorrow i_ f„n t0 t he brim. I do not s.ek to live. "life is in irony, and I know that Annie waits beyond the door to welcome those sne 1.-yes. Christ will link tbe broken chain closer when we meet again. 1 nm terribly alone to-night. i.,.| lm ,st ,„. u . rv f ., r away. Oh. for a -elping hand.' Death only laughs at those beings who court him. Ill* business is with those who long to live. "My ''ethsemane has came; the 'tip of bitterness us pressed to my lips. There is a worse thing than death, anil that is life. \ou don't know what it means to open your eyes to loss and sorrow and an aching void. You lie looking through a mist of sorrows. "I nm -iiffering from a mind diseased or a broken heart -a distinction without a difference. My days are full of mental torture, and my nights of loneliness. "I am between the twin enemies ot bodily pain and mental suffering. Is it really required of mc that I should continue to hang, on to an e.vi«tenc c which Is absolutely devoid of all attraction, of all meaning? "Life without a purpose us like a star that has fallen out of its orbit. "The long nights stretch out their Ion; 'black wings before mc: n weight of unutterable loneliness and depression weighs mc down, struggling among a tangle of memories aud f_ought-. The grave can hardly reduce mc to more complete nothingness than this death in life here. "The play is played out: the lights are down. Let the curtain fall in decency an.l silence. There its nothing now between mc and my awful sjlltcde, which I have lived of late—the isolation which a mind unhinged makes for itself. "All is over. Ala«. how much anguish ls conveyed in those three little words. Oh, tbe terrors of the wakeful nights and Joyless Jays, the vast blank in life that I stretches out before mc. "There are hours in one's lif c when the furnace of affliction seems heated seven fold, and such an hour has come to mc. The stillness and the darkness of a great despair has fallen over mc. "Desolate ulzhts! Oh. the cruelty of fate ls the cruelty of friends. ■"flic water- of despair and bitterness engulf mc. Once again 1 feel niy-elf sink- | ing in the dark waters of wayless gloom - to He hopeless, lonely, and old and wracked by pain. "I have outlived life itself, and now dwell apart, in a kind of Hades, between tbe life past and the life to comn, when the spiritual anatomy of a man is displaced and the gall-bladder takes on the functions of the heart. A . verdict of suicide during temporary insanity was returned.