RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XLVII, Issue 31, 5 February 1916, Page 17

RANDOM SHOTS

Some write a neighbour's name to lash. Some write—vain thought—for needful cash, Some write to please the country clasu. And raise a din; Par mc, nn aim I never fash, I write for fun.

That blessed phrase, "Conscription of wealth," so dear to newspaper correspondents in this part of the world, is cot much used in the British Isles; but the idea or thing behind the phrase is pretty well understood. They speak and write in the Old Country of organised economy, and of prohibition oi the importation of articles of luxury, and of closing up the publichouses, and one or other, or perhaps all these measures may be adopted; but they have all one and the same object, and that is, the obtaining of more money with which to carry the war to a successful conclusion. When a nation is spending five millions sterling every day in war expenses, it Is natural that'it should find the supply of ready money running short, and should look around with a view to increasing the supply, and also to stopping wasteful leakages. The Germans did this as soon as the war broke out, or they would have been nationally bankrupt long ago. They were diligent; we negligent. They may be said to be ambi; dextrous; but we British are more; we have three hands, and use them all — our right hand, our left hand, and our 'little behind-hand." It is the latter hand that offends, and it ought to be cut off and cast away at once and forever.

4444444444 In brief, people all over the British Empire ought to realise —or be made to iealise—that they must cut down their individual expenditure and invest their savings in war loans, as the only means of winning the war. A writer in the London " Daily Chronicle," without say ing a word about the "conscription of wealth," makes several drastic suggestions which, if acted upon, would, in his opinion, enable Britain to spend five millions a day for a hundred years if necessary. To begin with, the Government must take what money it wants from those who have it. " Men who earn I£2 per week may be asked for two shillings; men who earn £100 per '] week may be asked for £95, or even more. If the natipn needs more, it must not ask for it; it must take it. lt is the shortest, the simplest, the honestest plan." He would, further, have a system of " deferred pay " for everyone ( including army officers) whose pay 13 over £3 a week; he would cut off all |<"overnmcnt pensions over £100 a year, he would close every publichouse for the duration of -the war. This "thrift by compulsion" would, lv thinks, be for the good of all concerned. Perhaps it would. One has, however, a difficulty in believing that it is a 6weet arid'seemly thing to be reduced to existing on the bare necessaries of life. The significant thing is that proposals of the kind I have outlined should be soberly made in a leading paper of the Metropolis, and that there should he no outcry of the Socialistic spoliation implied in them. Our New Zealand Socialists and Labourites arc really, by comparison, models of sanity and moderation. Their chief fault is that they put the cart before the horse, in arguing for conscription of money before compulsion of men.

4444444444 Among other recent developments is to be noted a sudden slump in war poetry. This may not be a bad sign, lt is probably a symptom that as a people we are at last realising that the present war has nothing heroic about it, but is simply a case of grim slaughter. When British bards "tumble down-to prose," they mean 'business; so we may expect more hammering at the enemy with bombs and bayonets, and less with songs and sonnets. A young friend of mine, finding the war poem no longer acceptable, thinks it would be a good idea to render some of the sacred books of the world into rhyme. The Bard of Otahuhu, some 20 years ago, did wonders 'with the Koran —or Quran, as the faithfid spell it; so I suggested to my friend that he might try some Bible storiessay, the Bopk pf Job, with its epic opening sentence—" There was a man in the Land of Uz, whose name was Job." In a few days he brought mc a sheaf of manuscript for inspection. I wai* astounded to find his epic poem started in this fashion: — A man there wuz In the Land of V 7, -Whose name was J.0.8.J He had ass nnd ox. And numerous flocks. And a wife and fam-i-lee!

44444:44444 In reply to my query as to what he meant by writing such rubbish, my friend said he took no credit for the poetry, as it "came to him" in. his ! sleep, and he wrote it down with the conviction that it was simply perfection. jlhat is quite ppssihle. Tennyson has left it -on record that he once awoke from sleep with the conviction that some verees of the most sublime poetry had "come to him" in his'sleep. He at once set himself to reduce them to writing; but found that all he could remember ot them was:— " May a cock sparrow Write to a barrow? I hope you'll excuse My Infantile Muse." That is even worse than my young friend's version of the Book of Job. Ever since Thomas Campbell caught in his sleep the- idea that " Coming events cast their shadows before," some people have indulged the notion that in sleep, or in hypnotic trance, _ or in tho mediumistic condition, will be produced the great poetry of the future. Zamiel" has no such hope. Jle has seen alleged poems by the -ghosts of Burns and Shakespeare, sermons by the " spooks " of departed Bishops, and wise sayings by the shades of philosophers gone before; and in every case they were either weak imitations or the silliest rmbbish. My young friend, however, I encourage to try again the job of versifying "Job," for it is preferable to writing the sort of war poetry that ds now in vogue. Twl-J-T-f-F-J-f* According to Mr. Bernard (Bernhardi) Shaw, the Germans are "the most romantic people in the world." The GerHH Chancellor has just been distinguishing himself in the role of ro-

manticfet (a word of four letters might more aptly describe him, but let us use polite language), Dr. yon Bethmannfiollweg has been informing the German people that Britain is the only obstacle to peace, as all the other.Allied Powers would make terms if Britain would allow them. At the same time he is said to I>3 plying our Allies with tales of Sritish readiness to abandon them and make overtures to Germany for a separate peace. If lies ceuld win the war, Britain might at once give up the struggle, as she is simply not in it with German "romancers." But, Truth is mighty, and will prevail—with the help of thc.-e three mighty Allies —Men, Munition-, and Money!

4444444444 I have formerly, in connection with German romancing, referred to Professor Fiamm, of Cbarlottenburg, and haxe drawn attention to the fact that a "flam," in old English phraseology, signifies a—ahem—romance. Well, 1 see it now reported that the professor of Flam has declared that "as a lighting force the British Fleet is a complete failure." And, on the other hand, I suppose the German Fleet has proved its perfect efficiency as a fighting weapon. Tales of this sort may for a time deceive the most romantic people on' earth; but the Germans will surely get down to reality when they find starvation i and ruin staring them in the face, despite the many alleged victories'on land and the supposed impotence of the British Navy! 4444444444 It has been reported that the Germans are trying "to render as little painful as possible the stay of their soldiers in the Champagne trenches."' A Home humorist suggests that doubtless Lager Beer trenches would be more to the liking of Hans and Fritz. If so, 1 am sure the British and French will do their best to assist the Boches to get out of the Champagne country and into their own. Meanwhile, the paternal German Government, with the help of certain professors, is trying to keep the soldiers warm with underclothing charged with electricity. The idea is rather "shocking." 4444444444 The inventor of war devices is at large in many lands. In most cases he ought to be under restraint. There is the gentleman from Winnipeg with a "contraption" guaranteed to destroy Berlin in a few hours and the whole German Empire in as many weeks. From France comes a report of an Italian engineer living in Marseilles, who has invented an apparatus which will remain stationary at various heights in the air. It can carry a considerable weight, arid can he propelled in any direction or stopped at ' any point without the use of any sort of mechanical motor —simply by the use of currents. Currants from Greece, probably. "In the name of „ the Prophet, figs!"