TROOPSHIP JOURNALISTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLVI, Issue 309, 29 December 1915, Page 7

TROOPSHIP JOURNALISTS.

' THE PERISCOPE." RIFLE BRIGADE AT SEA. LIFE ABOARD SOTP New Zealand has more newspapers to the square mile than any other country in the world, so it is not surprising that every transport that leaves these shores j has its newspaper, which records tho daily round of duties on board. One of i the most aptly-named of these interesting little souvenirs has just come to 'hand, ii is called "The Periscope," and |is described as "the unofficial mouthpiece | the Ist Battalion N.Z. Rifle Brigade (Earl of Liverpool's Own) and Divisional Ammunition Column, on board H.M.s. Troopship No. 30." It was evidently printed on board, but the "printed on a mangle" appearance of some of the pages is fully atoned for by the glistening beauty of the cover, which is resplendent [in gold lettering. A vcrselet over the leading article explains the name: —

"How doth the hidden 'periscope' Improve the deadly aim, By reflecting all thats done on board, And writing up the same.''

DIVINE AFFLATUS. The editor, in a short article thanking his contributors, suggests that the staff wa6 rather snowed up with poetry. Most of it found its way into the W.P.8., but the several effusions which were spared show that the young colonial can handle the lyre as well as Uhc rifle. Here is one of the efforts of a youthful fieldmarshal:—

THE CALL. We left the hush of the bushland. The spell of the tui's call, The song rxf the rills, the gleam of the hills Where the blazoned sunsets fall. We left the quiet of the homestead, Nestling there by tlie stream. To go, where the battles calling, There, where the bayonets gleam.

We're drifting along on a summer sea, The sky ablaze aibove, And white birds skiui o'er the water's run Baibbllug their tales of love.

We are drifting along through the glory, The quiet, the hush, the dream; Bound where the battles calling; There, where the bayonets gleam.

There; where our mates are beckoning, There In Death's abyss, Where the shrieking shell like a scream from Hell DTOvpns the bullets' hiss. We hear our mate's a'cnlllug. We're speeding across the foam. Farewell. Farewell, sweet MuortUuns, Good-bye, fair Island home. Another embryo S>vinburne begins a gem on "'Grousing" in this way: — "From Wellington to somewhere down beside a coral reef, On the good old troopship—not allowed to say; Existing on ripe yellow spuds and catch-as-cabch-can beef. I And tea that has the smell of new-mown bay." THE CRITIC AT WORK. I The men seem to have been well provided for in the way of sports and con- ! certs. Some of the comments on the ' concert artists are amusing. Here arc a few: "The first couccrt given by 'A' Company was somewhat unfortunate, due undoubtedly to the rough sea and the unsteadiness of the boat causing, many of tlie contributors lo seek refuge lin their 'berths or over tfiie rail." "Any--1 one who can keep a straight face when Rifleman Schaeffer gets on his feet should visit Madame Tussaud's and lose himself." "Sister Cumbenvorth very materially assisted on the 'ship's tinkler,' and we feel very brotherly gratitude towards her for her capable work." "Sergt.-Major Hardey started 'Tom Bowling' with the piano, but entered the straight alone; the result was never in doubt, and the applause was deafening." THE SOCIAL WHIRL. Under the heading "Society Notes," a i concession to the presence of the nurses 'on board, we find the following items: — A large garden party was given by some half-dozen hostesses In the beautiful grounds of Birdcage House on Saturday hist. The gardens were undoubtedly looking their best and the pleasing profusion of tropical vegetation gave delight to all. One long bed of orange peel was perhaps the most admired, but many round thenway into the vegetable garden, where the neat rows of cabbages, turnips and all sorts of vegetables. In Mid out of season, gave rise to many appetising thoughts. All the paths were sjirLnUlcd for the occasion with soft coal dust, which gave pleasing relief from the ncrce glare of the sun. Since the publication of the last Birthday illonors' list quite a number of our friends are writing C.B. after their names. It Is purely an honorary title, little sought, but much ~un after. MLss D, Faulteru Is paying a round of visits to these parts. Denims HTe very much worn this season. Kiss curls will not be worn this coming season, a. novel effect being oMaincd by dressing the coiffure as low and as close to the head as j>osslble. It is perhaps quite unnecessary to exI plain any of the allusions beyond the fact that "C.8." means confined to barracks, the bugbear of the defaulter. I Those who know Captain Gasquoinc, Lieutenant-Colonel Fulton (O.C. Brigade) and Major Austin, will bo interested in these two "advertisements": — Gas Coin and Tick. Ltd. Canteen Specialists. Try Our Special Brand of Salmon. No' one can touch It. It speaks for Itself. Fulton. Austin and Co. (Unlimited), Universal Provldor3. Great Reduction In Clothing. Sox literally thrown away. NEPTUNE'S COURT, They had a high old time crossing the line on November 4. Chaplain-Captain Houchen (formerly at Takapuna and New Plymouth) was Father Neptune and the other perpetrators were: —Mrs Neptune, Lieut. Abel; usher, Corpl. O'Brien; court orderly, Sgt.-Major Hartley; prosecutor, Rfm. Brodziak; doctor, sliip's boatswain; latherer, Capt. Bogle; shampooer, Bomb. Holland; 6haver, Capt. Gascoyne; sprayers, Corpl. Moore and assistants.

"The prosecutor caUed upon Lieut. Jones (our genial paymaster, and a most popular gentleman —on pay days), who was charged with 'removing gold from Sew Zealand.' The accused was found guilty and sentenced to be well and copiously lathered with paste, shampooed with jam and shaved with a scythe-like wooden razor, afterwards hosed until he be nearly drowned.

"Capt. Purdy (our popular adjutant) was charged, amidst great applause, with 'Running short of crime-sheets and thereby depriving the men of their daily pleasure.' He was not at hand, but was eventually found hiding under a table in the mess-room, and, considering it best to surrender, he came forth cheerfully.

"Further charges wore made, as per crime-sheet below, and many good struggles resulted. At times the wielder of the hose was overpowered by the accused, the tables turned and the biter bit

"Major Gill, in spite of his stature, put up the best fight of the day, but succumbed eventually through sheer weight of numbers.

"NTaturally, everything was taken ■ with good grace, and we can but attribute great sporting element to the Court, .or committee, since they each in turn I were crimed and took their punishment— much to the detriment of their costumes. } "CRIME SHEET. "(Abbreviated through want of space.) I "Captain Bogle: Introducing vicious games, to wit —cribbage. Lieut. Wilford: Being too dainty and | genteel. "Lieuts. Elder, McAlister and Arden: Throwing overboard Government property, to wit —three meals a day. "Capt. Gasquoine: Grossly improper management of the canteen. "Capt. Houchen: Overstaying loavo on the night of the 21st October.

"Lieut. Hopkirk: Endeavouring to oust Colonel Fulton from nis position as premier exponent of knotting and lashing.

"Rfm. Stru there: As officer's orderly, wearing his own shirt.

"C.S.M. Lower: Making out a correct daily state.

"Corpl. C'ostello (Ginger): Refusing to dye his hair black.

"Bandsman Hackman: Attempting to pass false notes.

"Bandmaster Cole: Disorderly conducting.

"Rim. Pike: Attempting to steal the dog watch

"Corpl. Haddock: Failing to make ade quate allowance for the twin screws.

"S.M. Chant: Inciting the nurses to violence by displaying a 6ign reading 'Let Her Box' (letter box)."