Merrier Moments

Auckland Star, Volume XLVI, Issue 223, 18 September 1915, Page 17

Merrier Moments

TWO SIDES TO THE QUESTION. j

. | Katie very earnestly i: If you had J , j never ii" t mc. darling, would you have ' ! loved ne jus. the samel " I j .leoi'.e .fervent!.,: . ,-=, dearie -j j more. I Mr. Mudd: Nov where tiie de'iee is I thai ear! nr.'tei - i I Mrs. M,.,1d: \\ hv . -lohn. I hcnrl you' , sweiirili ■vi Ho 1 threw the horrid I thing in tl..- ditch. | ! "What link.- v.oi think Dauber will | m„c I i- , piiiit, ri" "lie has the -..ui !„f :,„ arti-t and i !„■ per-everat.ce of a ! Th- l.adv of the House (to giis com ! I pan.v colic, iot Y-.1-. nn" the only ditTerelice between the I icl lllil lis' bid _>a.. nil' vouie i- Her:,,no- don't charge for if ~ ~ I i,HK Tn A I.ANDI.AIIV. I \. a jdciis.in! fitce.l woman panned the corner', done- touched his hat lo lor.; remarking fcelitigli to his i-.finpam.iu ■•Ah. my boy. 1 ~.vc a great deal to I that woman" ••Your mother'" via- tbe query. "No, my landlady." 'l in-: iiorcons. j \ l'lnl.i '..-I;-!,i■> -I I tonoh.-r has I 'ut.lv I •: iii-tru'-.ing her pupils in H:.. lv, Mvti, ,1....'. . It ,- the plan to 1,., ie (he .hihl.cn read the tale* aloud.! and th' next .lav r,< oimt them ir. their j lii vvu language. i»;.c bid, to whom vi\*' Igiv.i. the as-'.gn-ioiit t-. render in bin own '.mgii.igc lie story „f "The Cor , p..n." did -.. Ie the-• term-: - that lived in t'." ...Intnl. of llcperido, somewhere i.i tie Indian Ocean. They hu ' I.vi" sua, ,-■ I r Iniir. lu*ks (or ; -ctli. hi. I claws f ■• nails, an 1 they looked like . women, only mon horrible, i WHAT Vol' NKYKK lIKAR TIIKM S\Y. { •'Come now. old f-ib.vv. sit right down I j and tell mc ju.-t what you think ub oil |this iur." rears from now y ..ill io->k even worse Itioi'i your unifier." I "Your account i- overdrawn, sir, bill don't li-: that nitkc the slightest differ lone. As v bunk we are here to let y.-u I have all the in.nny you want at nn;. J Above all thing*, don't buy a motor car like mine —utiles* you want to get struck." I "My sere isn't So good. But I never played a better game of golf in my life." THE ONLY SAKE WAY. Hon-r sleep on your left side, for it cause- a pressure on the bean. Ilon't sleep on your stomach, for that interferes with the respiration of that I lung. I Don't s'.ep on your right side, for that, interferes with the respiration ol j both lung- and nukes breathing difficult. I Don't sleep on your back. for Ibis I i method of getting rest is bad for the! I nervous system. I Ilon't sleep sitting in a chair, for your' j body falls in;,, an unnatural position. ! and you cannot get the necessary re_axaj ti.-n.' ! Don't sleep standing up. for you may I topple over, and crack your skull. j Don't sleep.

j A SITKH'IKXT HE .SON. ' | Toiii'iiv : "Crandp.i, didn't v ou -ny the i ' | Hern.nus didn't know how to 'draw' the | lino': I kuiivv . liv they can't." , i;ri„.,lpai "WI., cunt Toinon "1.....X ut the had ruler 'they've got." I ' t TIII-I i nill'M; T AX-WKR. [Yda.og'.ie ,-everel.v |: "Now sir, for ibe last tun,-, w imt'- th,. square of the I In potenu.se of ~ right angled triangle I , c.piiv.llellt tu*" I, liny d,i-per:itel,i : "Jt'i-. .-univalent ■ to a liekiu' for mc -ir. <; 0 ahead." , WAP. AIIITII.MKTIC. 1 "Twelve pence one -hi'lmg." said the ' -" : In.i.-t- r "\,,.v. L .„ ~„. ~r -twenty « shillin.' make on"' —what ." ■ tiithf," re,'lied tl.e Ihiv. and the teacher. • who hadn't got i,i- List month's salary. ' . on, In.led the boy wns ri.'ht. ' ITU.'KM IT! ' --cc.lv part;, .to potiiiiin : ".our re ! fiisal. sir. 1,. Ir.ist tne v paltry drink ~f . whisky tills mc with i.-t.,i,,-bment and indignation." I Barmim "All right, sir: you cau fill I ' your-elf up with astonishment and inllirthili.'i but ii v oil want to li.l io,ir-olf ' wit!, wb,.,'-y. j.,u will have 1,, pay ~,!,." | ' I 1 A (IHAi Kl'll. COM. M.IMKXT. j , It is no! even mini win, knows howl' to compliment a'woman grnr-efiillv. The t following dialogue took place between ]< a very pretty lady singer and v eele | brati-il composer, who is by no means ' addicted t„ flutter- :— " j . "Tell inc. iii.v dear maestro, which I would you like better, to be blind or .leaf" "Deaf. mn.lam. when I am looking nt you, and blind vv hen I iie.ir you sing." PR 11 11 nPTIoXA... Ncwlv arrive 1 Americiill 'to news I !„,v i: "11..iv m ir'.lb.iisl', i-l-ejp „.». I paper- nre in \u ki.ni.l. to l-c sure. We j nice to p:u more than double tbe price, in New York." News bin I emending his hand I: "You | ,nn pay double the price now, sir, if it ' ...ill make \ou feel any more at home. I sir." WAS IT DKViINPORT? ' A promuicn: in in whs , balling a certain Town C,in. illor the other .layabout the doings of tbe Council, and said. "I'd sooner put up as n candidate for n lunatic ii-ylu.-n thai, put up for the Tow,, Council "" "Well, v.,111 stand a much better chance of getting in." dryly responded the Town i ouucilloT. THORNS IN TIIK'ISOPIIICAI. PATH. The lecturer on theosophy hud con j eluded his long and aide address, and ' stood 1,...kin0 ut the audience. | "If there is any f|iii_tinn." he suid. "that any of you 'would like to ask mc j before I sit down, 1 should be pleased to ' answer it." 1 Amid the deep silence that followed this remark an earnest looking man near the door ro*e up and said: — "I'd like to know, professor, if anybody has ever yet discovered a reliable und certain cure for corns."

: | I DIPLOMATIC CORRESPONDENCE. I