Merrier Moments.

Auckland Star, Volume XLVI, Issue 145, 19 June 1915, Page 17

Merrier Moments.

THE GERMAN POISON FUMES.

(icrmany has not a single liner out ni purl, bat her penny-a-liner. are all at Tlie Submarine is described as the pel lamb of tiie Herman Navy. Why not ihe l" lamb': Nlllv : Where did yet get y'r apple, Til.la"' I i1.1.i: Breton.l.d to be the Crown I'rin.c an.! looted ii. Amoiij tin- .mall ..mi ideii.es we note that the sin i-lillu ol the llie-.lcll sv 11 , 00111-cl will. lie Ic-tm.i'lo.l ..f a pea-dill outlook 111 ' ilillll. Kai-er \\ ilii.-lui ci I'--el that in- ..-.Vile,l IS.IIIIII m kt ie-. "All-'.vcl.- " .1 „| one more. ~ nempon one. would round ..d lie c.'iVcti.in. -"I.oii- 101 l \|u<T I.IKKI.V. 11. s 11., tl.c ».. We, 1- ..V 1 .tilT wa-. Ihe ■~,! nf ..ill |1,-. : I've :,.: ..,,:•, n ll,e ..iifTer's untile, but I liiuik it wa- \:,a:iia-. Ml l'l Al. -"KIMW. Mmistei: 1d..:1i.-r ,i pniu.-d mc itrcatlv to -cc v,.,i .tne out of a -a b.oti tl I'ei night. I.i: islii.ui. i Mc. t0,,. 1 ,t ; w as ,!,.-- IMMt'NF. "What'- up v, .•!, Hi. .ni ii.ni '" "Don't a.-!, ii..-! I ici-c', only mi. Ihin.' I've ii'-m : be nd I:int c'ttipiaiii "What's il.,ii" "War fever!" \ I.I'KAT ADVANTV-F "An. now. : „•,,.', one a 1...! la_e in :,,v.;.e a »o •■!. .: I- _." <a.d th. happy -obll.'l "\\ bat's Cat '" s.-,i,| V- fie lid. ■A.,ii • tn hoi 1 up To.tr -. k- wi:'a woman and wai;. "' .... in be !. Mic talk, nrvuit it." \\ hi 1 ,i...- -be .-.iv •;" -Why. she si. s I lilt s'.IC w-hc 1 Till. MopKIIN < lill.lb \i-I .- pi. king up the l".b> <o th.s ;- the i.ii.v, is ...-. |(|e-s i..- little t.....__ i- - vvoolsie-'. X.-'i.. ' \" it b mc Tie 1 ;. to Date llabv • Mother, will mi kindly inform mc whether the de i.. pet nun.-nt dementi i or -pa-modi.' and intermittent i'l- mil

Till-: LATEST Kit TION. TIIF XI "USE'S DI'TV. Patient (to pretty miivci: Will y.m be my wife when I recover? Pretty Nurse: t'crlainlv, Patient : Thou you love nn? Pretty Nurse: ilh. no. That's merely n part "f my treatment. I must keep my patients cheerful. I promised this morning in run away with a married man who bad 10-t both bis !egs. (IEIJMAN SAI'SA'.F.! "i'iis." said the wandering tramp. "I 'member 1. ycvvsier know an ole Herman bluebottle, way back on the Continong. "X wor a fat. beefy cheeked customer, tliat 'c wor. an' 'e'a.l that there funny 'libit- as often yewslcr mck mc larf. Why. I rce'lect one d iv V come inter tho bar wi alf a dozen devilish.lookin' dachshunds on a leash, '('nurse I arsked 'iin vviicer be was alnkilf they funny dorgs to." "And where did he say?" asked the postman, who had been listening. "Oh." says hCj "down to 7.c pork butchers!"

—"Glasgow Herald." "Of course, you arc in favour of peace';" "So much so that 1 don't even want to get into an anrumont about the ln.t way to secure it. Washington star." Tommy : Pop, what does ii mean when a lawyer charges a nominal fee? Tommy',, I'nii: It means, my -on. that lie i- il phenomena! lawyer.'' The little .cod we plant with .arc may be an onion or a pear. Tiie little in uiir neighbour's iieu. \ Hooper al i.eiisore.li ill France Wrote: We ma,|e t! Id nsn.ed. dan ".-. I shot 1.-.-v.-ore,], live, look l.ellsore.ll al.Ve. And ■,c:i.-'.|c,|i m,,i tell ~, mv lance.

MlM'NDl.iic'Tnon. Patriot:.' N. igbbou: : "....ing icnl you're waiibd at the Knuit." I'.w-i,.. N, iglil-jur: (~.,,.1 lyor.ll Tell Vir I'm imi in. w ill yon • If it isn't lie landlord it's smu mie with a bill." —Sydney 8u11et,..." Ol \IN 1 HI-TORY. "Wlic.e wa- Nelson killed:' .1 London tea, her a-ke,l ~ b,n,|„n s tioolboy. "Trafalgar S.|iinre." the boy answered "Indeed:" raid lie tea her. sarcisliall'. . Ami I siipp.*.. Welln,_t.,n was killed at Waterloo Nation." "No. m.lam." .-aid ihe hoy. "That wa- Napoleon you're tiiinkin' of" \ ni'.An \i.IVF BfSINKSS. '1 he woiim'.i'd Irish soldier was relatin.- Ins adventures to tac in,]uisitivc old lady visitor. "...tin r we captured ih' lull, mum." be said. " vc Inld it fur a wboile, but was evintiially forced to r.tratc by th* weight ay number?." 'Ami were there many dead left on tiie lull." she asked, urm.iu.lv. "Ilc.idl" he ciho.s!. "WhoL the whole liill.-oi.le wa- simpiv aloivc wid them!" i.KORDIK'S DIKFII'TLTY. Two wounded soldiers travelling from i lia.-c hospital in France to Kngland. -non chummed up. I hie man was from -■■.thill, in Noriliiiinbcrland, ihe otlier from somewhere m Morsel. The ehutnnin_ up was not successful, as they lailed t . understand one another. At. length, after trying everything except the deaf and dumb alphabet, the Northumbrian exclaimed: "W'ey thoo beats mc altegitlicr. Aa ■an umlcrstaml ivvory word Aa says, hut Aa cannot understand ovvt thct tboo'- taakin' aboot." TIIE WICKED PKINTER. 1 'ncbsorve.l and linhnnoiincod. the president of a. church society entered the composing room of a newspaper just in time to hear these words issue from the mouth of the boe-s printer:

"Billy, go to tho devil and tell him to finish that 'murder' lie began this morning. Then 'kill' William .1. Bryan's youngest grandchild and dump the 'Sweet Angel of Mercy' into the. bellbox. Then make up that 'Naughty Parisian Actress' and lock up 'Tlie Lady in Her Boudoir.' " Horrified, the good woman fled, and now her children wouder why they are not allowed to play with the printer's youngster.

during Tin", war. after the war. On his knees, fervently praying, "God On his feet, beseeching John Bull to Tunish England.'' buy his goods and lot the English workers starve. —"Birmingham Weekly Poaf