PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIV, Issue 279, 22 November 1913, Page 15

PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

! A QUESTION OF NAMES. ■Mr Charles l-'rohman (says "London Opinion'") was talking about his plans for t.he winter. "1 hoped that George Alexander would go to the. States," he said. "Alexander is. of his type, the best actor alive to-day." "Alexander isn't his right name, i> it?" the journalist. asked. "Xo," fc.iid Mr Frohman, "his right name is. Samson. It was a pity to change the name -of Samson for that of Alexander.' , "But Alexander conquered the world, you know." smiled the other. ".Samson, however, is the more appropriate theatrical name," Mr Frohinan insisted. "Have you forgotten that Samson was the first who brought down the house?" A NOSER. This story was told at a prominent club the other day of Lord Decies. Although Lord Decies ie an experienced and 'travelled man of the world, he does not believe in throwing away money in extravagant tips that, are very often mistaken generosity. That his lordship was quite able to take his own part when his reasonable tip was taken unreasonably was evidenced one day when he had taken a cab to the club. When he alighted and paid the driver, eal)by seemed to think his tip was too small. "Wot'e this 'ere for, mc lord?" said the cabby, regarding with some contempt the coin he held in his hand. "Drink, I should be inclined to think, judging by your nose," was the polite and effective reply of Lor,! Decic* as he vanished into the club. TOO MUCH FOR THE (.HOST. Archbishop Thomson once "laid" a ghost in a very simple way. Staying at a country house with traditions of a family ghost, he was [nit up lor the night in the "haunted chamber." In the morning his hosts were anxious to know if he had seen anything. "Oh, yes." he replied; "about twelve, o'clock I heard a knock at the door. I said. 'Come in, come in.'" "And did he come?" "Vis; an old, sallow-looking man." "Yes, tJiat is our ghost! What did you do?" "I got out of bed and asked if he helonged to the house. He nodded J c:it. I asked him i: ho were .a parishioner. He nodded ngain. Then I said: i urn anxious to build some ne-.v schools; will you gi>"e mc a subscription?' lie disappeared and I saw no more of him!" A BISHOP AND HIS ARREST. Bishop C.ailor, the head of the Ptotestant Episcopal diocese of Tennessee, had, according to the "Christian World." the unpleasant experience lately of 'being arrested in an up-country city on the charge of being a confidence man of sonic sort. It was, of coins", a e.ise of mistaken identity. The Bishop hap treated the incident with characteristic good humour. In reply to a dulling lettcT from a friend he refers to ihe arrest as one of the greatest compliments cer paid him. The. description under which he was detained said: "lie : s :m attractive personality, about !\>rt> live years old, well bet up, weighs 1.30 pounds, and has a charming manner, speaking with a soft Southern accent." The Hishop, who is a man of fifty-six, concludes his reply by re-marking to his friend: "Now, you would never be arrested on such a sweet description, would you?" THIEF THAT "TOUCHED." Major Robert Lc Mesurier Willoughby, who died art Cheltenham recently, was an excellent story-teller, and a favourite tale of his concerned his .barrack-room days. A soldier, so the story ran, had several times complained of thefts of articles from his kit, but the culprit could not be detected. It -was therefore decided to subject the men in barracks to an ordeal by touch, and the corporal in charge of the affair explained to the assembled soldiers that on the flour of the mess-room 'he had placed the barracks cat beneath an inverted tin dish. The cat, he arsured them, would mew at the touch of the thief. After the lights had been lowered 'the men filed past to touch the dish. The cat did not mew, •but when the lights wer.e turned up it was found that every man who touched "the dish had blackened his hand with soot which had been placed on it. Only one man had failed to •=-«->il his hand. A subsequent search of his possessions revealed -the stolen article.

CRUSHING REBUKE. In the early days of ways, on some of the lines smoking was not allowed at all, either in tho trains or on the atation buildings. One day a station-master at a large station, a man noted for his conceit and pompoeity, descried a gentleman paring the platform with a cigar in Oiis mouth. He at once accosted the offender and tcquested him forthwith to stop smoking. The gentleman took no notice of this command, but continued, to ivalk, emitting a silvery cloud. The station-master asked him to stop smoking m-ore peremptorily than before; but still the o"vvner of the Havana maintained a provoking disregard. A third time the order was repeated, accompanied with the threat that if the obstinate sinner did not obey he would be handed over to the tender mercies of the porter.-i. The stranger took no more heed than before; so at laet the official, completely losing his temper, pulled the cigar out of the smoker's moulh and flung it away. This violent act produced no more effect than commands and threats, and the peripatetic philosopher continued hie walk quite serenely. Presently a carriage and foyr drove up an equipage well kncnvn to the stationmaster as the Duke of Be.aufort'e. To his inconceivable horror, the refractory smoker entered the chariot and drove off to Badminton. Thn railway official made inquiries as to who the stranger '"was, and felt rcadv to sink into the earth when lie found out it was Lord Palmereton. Tic at once ordered a chaiee and pair and drove to Badminton. Arrived there, he sent in his card, and urgently requested a private interview with his lordship. Lord Palmcrston soon '. appeared, and the station-roaster began i a most abject apology for having so '■ grossly insulted his lordship; had lie ' known who his lordship was, he would i not have bo treated liis !ord>hip for the i world. Tho Premier heard the station-master '■ out; then, looking down upon him i sternly, with his hands in hie pockets, i said: — ■ "Sir, I respect-ed you because I < thought you were doing your duty like : a Briton; but now I see you are nothing but a. enob."