MR LO PINTO.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIV, Issue 34, 8 February 1913, Page 18

MR LO PINTO.

(COMPLETE SKETCH.)

(A story by MONTAGUE GLASS.) ' It is staled thnt the mantle of "O. Henry" has fallen upon Mr Glass. lie has discovered in and about Houston Street, New York, an unworked mine rich in humorous material, and by no means devoid of psychological value. Mr Generoso Lo Pinto and myself conduct a very prosperous flower and feather business on West Houston Street. Myself, I am bookkeeper with sound knowledge of chemistry obtained at University of Naples, w-hidi I leave on account unpleasant affair concerning diamond ring a professor says I am stealing. This was all a mistake as ring was glass and of no value to mc whatever. Nevertheless by long practice J am mixing glycerine ' and acid, symbol of which is HNO3, and highly sterilized absorbent cotton, in just right proportions for prosperous flower and feather business such as Mr. Generoso Lo Pinto conducts on West Houston Street. Also I am correspondent, having cultivated fine direct method of appeal to prospective customers, with liberal use of red ink, all of which made trade brisk in flower and feather business, with only occasional recourse to mixture as before. Mr. Lo Pinto treats mc very well according to his standard, which is not high, he having been engaged in fish business in Palermo and not having sound knowledge of chemistry. Mr. Lo Pinto's fish business was conducted by means of stil»tto, —very violent and clumsy method although has the advantage of no blood, at the most a teaspoontul or two. Mr. Lo Pinto retires from fish business in Palermo on account of unbusinesslike affair with lady. Mr. Lo Pinto tells mc lady is all time coming to see him and interfering with fish business, as Mr. Lo Pinto is big man with large brown moustache and lady admires him. Mr. Lo Pinto conceives it practicable to remove lady in conventional Palermo fish business method, and he comes to America and conducts on West Houston Street flower and leather business as above. All the time lady*s husband is wondering what becomes of lady, he having two small children and old mother, and lady having sound knowledge of to cook, to sew and to keep house generally. Also he wonders what becomes of Mr. Lo Pinto, and foT my part I am quick to perceive that Mr. Lo Pinto wonders how long it will be before the husband finds his way to West Houston Street. To the end that Mr. Lo Pinto should not be surprised when husband comes, Mr. Lo Pinto wears shirt constructed of steel wire made up the same like thousands of small watch guards, and Mr. Lo Pinto also carries in right rear pocket of pantaloons very expensive magazine firearm and spare magazine full of cartridges. Always I say to Mr. Lo Pinto: —"Now, my dear Mr. Lo Pinto, rely upon mc if husband comes. Buy mc also expensive firearm with magazine complete." But Mr. Lo Pinto always answers: "Do you buy it yourself, on account you have lots of money in Royal Italian Post Office Savings Bank," which I am obliged to admit is true. Also Mr. Lo Pinto about the thne I come to work for him shows great attachment for game of roulette, and by the time I am one year working for him he is all the time trying to borrow money from mc, which naturally I object. "Yourself, dear Mr. Lo Pinto," I say, "would have too money in Royal Italian Post Office Savings Bank supposing you would not gamble." Then he answered mc by employing Italian phrase, very hard for translation, which is similar to impugning the chastity of one's mother, only not so refined. Finally Mr. Lo Pinto is asking mc if I would embark in house property speculation with hhn, as builder in upper part of city, native of Province Protenza, owns large number of house is of timid disposition. Accordingly I make draft lire 5000 on Royal Italian Post Ofßee Savings Bank and employ direct method of appeal, with liberal use of red ink, toward timid builder. It appears timid builder is very fond of wife and children, six in number, and is willing to make conveyance of houses provided we should let well enough alonr, as the vernacular had it. lire 5000 is for paying to advocate, for ascertaining that timid builder really owns houses, also to pay insurance premiums on houses so that ill disposed persons setticr fire to same no loss accrues to u&

At last comes lire 5000 and I am uncomfortable to notice Mr. I>o Pinto regards mc with malevolent glances, in view of lire 5000 tied around my waist. That morning therefore I make great show of being busy in my laboratory for making mixture HNO3 and glycerine. Instead 1 am distilling partly incinerated hemp in such fashion as to abtain colourless, tasteless, liquid very potent for slumber. This I admix with coffee, which I am accustomed to make for Mr. Lo Pinto's supper, and Mr. Lo Pinto in consequence snores like catarrhal poodle, at which I extract from right rear pocket of pantaloons expensive firearm as above and introduce for the same old pipe of tobacco, similar size and shape. Similarly I undress Mr. Lo Pinto with difficulty, he being heavy man, and relieve him of watch guard vest, which I assume instead, whereat I sleep, with lire SCOO in my possession, like a top. Next morning Mr. Lo Pinto awakens with severe headache and sits up, at which I say, "Dear Mr. Lo Pinto, you were in pitiable condition intoxicated last night." Mr. Lo Pinto replies with untranslatable phrase as above and goes immediately out to obtain appropriate remedies at apothecary. Ten minutes later Mr. Lo Pinto returns and is breathless and in face so pale that I suspect that he has had unpleasant experience of nausea on account of burnt hemp distillate. But no, Mr. Lo Pinto stands in middle of flower and I feather establishment and faces door, in which appears short muscular person, in untidy costume of native Palermo, just arrived in America. "A-ho!" says untidy emigrant, "so it is you?" Mr. Lo Pinto smiles and says, "Che volete?" "You know what I want," says untidy emigrant. "Where is she?" Then emigrant makes torrent of abuse aud upbraiding, at which says Mr. Lo Pinto with unpleasant smile. "What use you I make so much fuss about a " (em-1 ploying terms not countenanced among refined persons). , The emigront is on Mr. Lo Pinto with one leap, but Mr. Lo Pinto still smiles. Stilettoe make no progress with watchguard vest as aibove, and so Mr. Lo Pinto is confident he is all right. I am obliged to laugh at the appearance of Mr. Lo Pinto's lace when he discovers the truth. At first the emigrant being nervous penetrates only left lung. of Mr. Lo Pinto. So therefore Mr. Lo Pinto coughs severely and reaches for I expensive firearm in right hand rear pocket, i assure you it was a study to observe the mixed expressions of astonishment and chagrin when Mr. Lo Pinto discovers that instead of expensive firearm is only a pipe for tobacco smoking. Then the emigrant recovers from embarrassment and nervousness and this time makes accurate penetration of Mr. Lo Pinto' 3 vital organ. After this I am very busy man chasing emigrant out of flower and feather establishment with expensive firearm, and arranging for Mr. Lo Pinto's disposition in packing case with big lead, at two o'clock the next morning from rear of three horse truck, Public Pier Sixty-two, North River. The packing case made big splash, for Mr. Lo Pinto was a heavy man; but he had not the qualities or the sound knowledge of chemistry which is so essential to the flower and feather business I am now conducting on West Houston Street.