PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIII, Issue 113, 11 May 1912, Page 15

PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

AN EASY JOB. A miser engaged Hogarth to paint for his staircase a representation of the destruction of Pharaoh's host in the Red Sea. He agreed to do so at half-price ( £40). He painted the canvas all over with red. "Zo,unds!" said the purchaser, "where are the Israelites?" "They are all gone over." "Where are the Egyptians?" "They are all drowned," replied the painter.

SIR W. RAMSAY'S ANECDOTE.

Sir William Ramsay, speaking at the dinner of the Glasgow and Lanarkshire Association of London, told a story of two astronomers who were walking home arm in arm on the night of the fa- j mous meteoric shower in 1868. They had I dined, perhaps not too wisely, but certainly well; and on their way home neither spoke a word— were afraid to' fnention the meteoric shower. (Laugh-1 ter.)

NEXT LETTER.

Bishop Logan Herbert Roots, of Hankow is profoundly interested in the Chinese revolution and stands very high with the Hankow Chinese. He once said that " when he first went to China he had a good deal of difficulty in remembering faces. He mentioned this difficulty to a mandarin. He said: "I'm getting over it now; but in the beginning here in Hankow you all looked as like as two peas." "Two peas?" said the intelligent mandarin, smiling. "But why not say two queues?"

A USEFUL CRE-TORE-

Dr. Gillespie, of Mouswald, whose death was recently announced, was a wel-known figure in the Established Church of Scotland, and had the reputation of being one of the best raconteurs of his day. Here is one of his stories: —A Forfarshire minister wished a new horsewhat is popularly known as " a mimister's beast"—suitable to overtake the sort of mixed and miscelleneous work which a quadruped with such an ownership is generally expectto perform. Without seeing the rather ludicrous character of it, he put an advertisement in the local paper in these, terms— Wanted, a horse, to do all the work of the parish minister. Apply," etc.

A FLYING CONTRACT.

! Orville Wright said the other day to , ! a interviewer:— aim is to make' flying safe. The important thing is not . now- to produce aeroplanes that will go 150 miles an hour, but to produce aero- : planes that won't fall down." Mr. Wright smiled. "I'm reminded of a flying story,' he, went on; "a story about a man who, called at a biplane selling agency and j said:— ... • " 'My older brother bought a bi-plane here last month. You told him if any- , . thing broke you'd supply the missing j : parts.' I " 'Yes. Well ?' said the manager. I ' " 'Well,' said the caller, 'my brother | I wants -you to supply him right away j ' with six new ribs, a left leg, half a dozen , [assorted fingers, and a medium-sized j Roman nose.' " i

A GOOD EXCUSE.

Once when Ned Hamilton was managing editor of the San Francisco "Examiner," the other morning papers came out with a sensational story of a shooting affair in an up-State California city. It was a good story. The circumstances were exciting, the persons involved had social position, and there was a neat little ecandal in it. The other papers had columns and the "Examiner" hadn t a line. Hamilton called in the news editor. "Fire that correspondent!" he shouted. "Fire him by wire! Fire him by airship or carrier-pigeon, or any .other way—but fire him! Imagine him getting left on a story like that! Fire —and do it quick!" The news editor went out. Presently he came hack and said:— "Mr. Hamilton, I think you'll have to excuse our correspondent this time." "Excuse him!" roared Hamilton. "Excuse him for getting U3 beaten on such I a story! I shall not! Fire him, I say and do it now!" "But, Mr. Hamilton," protested the news editor, "there are circumstances "There can't be circumstances that will excuse him!" said Hamilton. "Fire him, I say!" "Really, Mr. Hamilton, I can't do it." "Why not?" "Well, you see, the ' Examiner' cor--1 respondent has a good excuse for not sending the story. He is the man who ; was killed!"

THE LORD CHIEF JUSTICE AS A CARD^SHARPER.

j How he was once regarded as a "pig- | eon" in danger of being "plucked" at j cards by Lord Russell, of Killowen, has I been told by Mr. Labouchcre in some j recollections of Carlsbad. Both happened to be staying at the I famous Bohemian watering place, and ' one day met each other in the town. j Lord Ruesell was fond of whiting away ian hour at cards, and, says "I—buy," I "proposed that we should play ait be- ' zique. A friend of his, with whom he ] was walking, happened to have a pack lof cards an his pocket, so we sat down iat a table before the leading cafe and j commenced to play. "A person in civilian garb came up to !mc and told mc that we could not play j with the cards that we were _ing. i ! supposed that he was a waiter at the I establishment and that we were expected , :to buy our cards at it, so I said that j 'we would pay for the pack all the same. I I "He then said that he was a Govern- i i ment official, and that only cards with j ; the official stamp were allowed in Bo- j i hernia. | j " 'What is he saying?' said Lord RusI sell, who did not understand German. [ "I replied that he wanted us to buy i official cards. j ' " -Nonsense,' said Lord Russell, and ! I went on playing. I I "The official again protested, and said that if his directions were disobeyed he should have to take strong measures;! I but the Lord Chief Justice played on. i '■ "I told him that if we did not obey ■ orders we should certainly be walked off i to prison. I "Then he allowed mc to order other' .-ards, but glared at the official as though ; he was going to commit 'him for con- I tempt. j "Subsequently, on pressure, I told the I Lord Chief Justice that the official had ! not liked the looks of him and his com- i panion, whilst he considered that I had ' the air of a 'pigeon,' and that he rather suspected the cards. He had therefore [interfered to prevent mc being .plucked. " :