merrier moment

Auckland Star, Volume XLIII, Issue 101, 27 April 1912, Page 14

merrier moment

"A case of love at first sight, eh?" "No, second sight. The first time he saw her he didn't know she was an heiress."

"I noticed a decided coolness between you and Blanche last night." "Yes; sue sat on one side of an Antarctic explorer and I on the other."

"Papa, what does arbitration mean?" "It means that when two Powers of equal strength get hold of a smaller country, they agree to divide it equally."

Willie: "What is tie difference between a pretty girl and a mouse?" Birdie: "Can't say." WBlie: "Weil, a mouse harms the cheese, and a lady charms the he's."

"See here, you old raacal, -why didn't you tell mc this horse was lame before I bought him?" "Wai, the feller that sold him to mc didn't say nothin' about it, so I thought it was a secret."

Man: "Is there any reason why 1 should give you twopence!" Boy: "Well, if I had a nice high hat like yours I shouldn't want it soaked with snowballs."

I II? was a new member of the Harbour j Board in a New Zealand town, and was I attending his first meeting. The Board was discussing a proposal to place two buoys at the entrant to the harbour for the guidance of mariners. "I beg to propose an amendment," said the "new member, "that one man should be placed there instead of two boys, as the latter are too young for such a responsible position." REALISM. "Were you at the chauffeurs' dinner?" "Yes; it was great. They had the table laid to look like an automobile!" •'Really!" "Yes: and to make it look more realistic, a lot of chauffeurs were under the table." A GOOD GUESS. Walker: '■Hallo, Pusher, you're out again! Heard you had a spill from your bike, and been knocked speechless." Pusher: "Not quite that, old man, I'd a spill right enough, but it was the bike that was knocked spokeless."

? CUTTING. ? It was close on midnight, and the professional guest felt it was high time for him to stop playing. "Perhaps I'd better not play any more to-night," he said, wearily. "I see yon have near neighbours, and they might be annoyed." "You needn't mind them a minute," said his hostess eagerly. "We are perfectly sure they poisoned our cat, and if they did nothing is too bad for them."

IN LOVE.

A BLOOMLN' MYSTERY.

An old lady was going over the Zoo, and, after some timp, she went up to a keeper and tapped him on the shoulder with her umbrella.

"Well, mum!" said the keeper. ""I want to ask you," explained the old lady, "which of toe animals in the Zoo you consider the most remarkable."

The keeper scratched his head for a while; then: "Well, mum,' he replied, "after careful consideration, as you might say, I've come to the conclusion as the biscuit goes to the laughing hyena." "Indeed!" said the old lady, in surprise, "and why do you consider the laughing hyena so remarkable?" "Well, mum," answered the zoological expert, "he only has a sleep once a week, he only has a meal once a month, and he only has a drink once a year. So what he's got to laugh about is a bloomin' mystery to mc!"

He: "Women are a delusion ' SBejre" She: "It's corioufw** 1 * will hug a delusion, thought*"*•

"Tommy." said his brother «V»»> , regular little glutton. Hoy „? W » eat so much?" "Don't W^ftL'?" , good luck," replied the yGang,'^ m Teacher: -Jimmy, you look Tetv *~ ' this morning. Are you fll'" r ahi '•No, ma'am. Ma washed my faT?* morning herself." "v«tttljij.

A QUESTION OF NERVES.

Old Party: "Young man, don't to, I know that smoking will ruin ,£! I nerves?" i*™ 1 !

THE FEMININE VIEW. She had just finished reading fihrarj Everett Hale's "The Man Without i Country," and, as she laid it down, s& sighed and said: "I can net imagaj anything worse than a man wjthoni! country."' "Oh, I can." said her friend. "Why, what?" "A country without a man." VERY LIKELY. The railway station of Meridan, Texas, is about a mile from the bnsmea

part of the town. One night a wean travelling man said to the darky wb was driving him to the hotel. "Old man, why did they put thi3 station so far from town?" The darfcy scratched hi 3 head in thought, and-.teplied, "Wall, boss, I's fo'eed to admit dat I hsA give de matter s'ficient cogitation, bos jes' jumped up fer a answer like dis'l s'pose dey done dat co as to have ii station aa near as possible to de ni ■way." NOT INCLUDED. • A white rose in his buttonhole and cotton gloves upon bis dirty hands, oli Bill Loafer strode down the street: "Why, Loafer," exclaimed a feflo* shirker, "wot are you ceUybratinT '"It's mc golden weddm'," answered Loafer, with quite a smirk. 'Tm celly bra tin' mc golden weddin'!" "But why ain't yer wife cellybratirt it, too?" inquired the friend. "I set 'er this mornin' goin' ter work as usual Why ain't she got a white rose an , cotton gloves?" "'"Her!" exclaimed Loafer. "She ami got nuffin' to do with it. She's w third." WHY WILLIAM WANDERED. A rural clergyman missed one of ii parishioners several successive Sundaji from his place in church, and when hs met the absentee one day he said:— "Well, William, I haven't seen yon a! church for some time." "No, sir; I have reasons for stajtf awa'." "Oh, you have! And what may joe reasons be. I should like to explais them away if possible." "Weel, sir, I doubt yell no , managi that. They are a' very decided obje» tions. The first is that I don't belen in bein' whaur one does a' the speakii , ; the second is that I dinna believe in sa muckle singin' as we get in your kili: the third, and last, and maist importas reason o' a' is that it wis in your kiri tht I got ma wife!"