PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIII, Issue 72, 23 March 1912, Page 15

PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

ENOUGH SAID. | Theodore Dreiser, the novelist, was talking about criticism. I "I like pointed criticism," he said. | "criticism such as I heard in the lobby jof a theatre the other night at the end of the play." "The critic was an old gentleman. His criticism, which was for his wife's ears alone, consisted of these words:— '"Well, you would come!'" LOST FOR A REPLY. Lord Guilford tells a story of a young woman's resources at a bazaar. Business was in full swing when a young man .-trolled around the various stalls, with no intention of purchasing anything. As he passed a large, beautifully decorated stall the young woman seller detained him. "Won't you buy a cigarette holder, sir?" she asked. "No, thank yon. I don't smoke," was the curt reply. "Or a penwiper, worked with my own hands?" "I don't write." "Then do have this nice box of chocolates." "I don't eat sweets." The young woman's patience was exhausted. "Sir." she said grimly, "will you buy this box of soap?" The young man paid up. THE KAISER AND THE CANON. Those who .enjoy anecdotes of Royalties would be interested in the Recollections of the late Canon Teignmouth Shore, whose association with the Court and Royal family bad been long and intimate. King Edwurd, who seemed amused, and pleased at a bit of the Canon's repartee, remarked:—" You see you must get up early to walk round my chaplain." " Yes, and a good long walk, too," said the Emperor, with a glance at the Canon's somewhat bulky figure. " Yes," said the King, "you know, Teignmouth Shore, you are putting on weight." " Well, at all events," said the Emperor, with a most gracious smile. " 'he never needs to do that in the pulpit." POOR SOPHIA'S CASE. Dr. Ronald H. Curtis, the well-known zoologist, said in a recent lecture: — "I take no stock in all these yarns about the disinterested affection of ani- ■ mals. An animal's affection is parasitic—your dog loves you because you feed it. Analyse these yarns about animal affection and they turn out like Sophia's case. "There was a rich old maid who had an ill-natured .ur named Sophia. The old maid died, leaving her fortune to her nephew, who had lived with her. I met the nephew one day and ventured to offer him my sincere sympathy. He 6aid: — " 'Yes, it's very sad. And the morning after my aunt's decease the clog Sophia also died.' "'Grief, I suppose?' said I. "'No,' said he; 'prussic acid.'" A STORY OF THE LATE KING EDWARD. A writer in the " World " fells a good story of the quaint friendship between the late King Edward and the late Mr. Labouehere. Mr. Labouchere was sitting one night wit.i the then Prince of Wales ' '," a we ''-known club, when a certain Scottish duke, since dead, passed them bowing exclusively to the Heir-Apparent as be did so. Th e Prince thereupon called the Duke back, exclaiming, " You know Mr. Labouehere?" " I _o not Sir," was the cold reply, " nor do I wish to know a man who traduces yon mother, your sister, and all your family even- week; and, Sir, I m«. t be allowed to express my surprise that you shoul I permit him the honour of association with yourself." To which the only reply vouchsafed by the Prince was a genially reproving "Go to bed—go to bed!" UNKNOWN CELEBRITIES. A very funny little anecdote is being told about Monsieur Gui.-t'han, the newFrench Minister of Education, showing how well informed the Government ushers are. When lie arrived at his ofliee the first day an official refused to ret him in, saying that Monsieur Steeg, his predecessor, was not receiving anyone. On M. Ruist'han trying to explain, he merely interrupted him: "It is useless for you to insist. M. Steeg will net see you!" However, the Minister of Education is not the only person to suffer. Napoleon was once the victim of similar stupidity, and the Napoleonic Mr. Hammerstetn was refused admission to his house-warming at the London Opera House because lie harl no invitation card., and it was with the greatest difficulty he found anyone to identify him. Only the other clay the President of the Swiss Republic arrived at Lausanne to attend aii aviation meeting. The committee entirely forgot to meet him pf the station, and the President, who is the most modest man on earth, hailed a cab and drove to the flying ground. But when he arrived at the enclosure he found that only taxis were admitted. He pleaded and argued in vain. Nobody would believe he was the President, and it was only through the assistance of a newspaper boy. who remarked. "Let him in. you silly fools; I tell you it is the President," that he was at last admitted. ALL A MISTAKE. Shortly after Mr. Wilson Barrett first joined the theatrical profession, he became a member of a company performing at the old Theatre Roj-al, Dublin. His part naturally was a small one, and Mr Barrett had no expectation whatever ot receiving any signs of approval from the audience. Greatly to his surprise, however, his first speech was greeted with a round of applause. This unlooked for tribute quite elated the young actor, and he exerted himselt to the utmost in the endeavour to sustain the good impression he appeared to have made. He succeeded even beyond his hopes, says Mr. Harvey, in "Irish Life and Humour." Everything he said or did was rapturously applauded, ami the principal performers were thrown completely into the shade. The "stars" were, of course, disgusted, and the rest of the company lost in amazement—none more so than young Barrett himself. He scarcely supposed tbat he quite deserved such an ovation, but with the natural vanity of youth he considered that these Dublin folk showed a rare appreciation of budding merit. Just as he was leaving the theatre, however, one of the scene-shifters ac costed him. "Sure ye wor cock o' the walk to-night, sir!" "Well, yes, Mickey," returned the actor, with pajdonable pride, "I think I knocked 'em a bit—eh.' "Och. sir.*' said Mickey, "sure it wasn't that at all. at all! But it's got about among the bhoys that ye're a brother o' the man that was hung this morning!" A Fenian named Barrett had that morning paid the extreme Den-lto of the .U_,