PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

Auckland Star, Volume XLII, Issue 287, 2 December 1911, Page 15

PERSONAL ANECDOTES.

A PROFANE SILENCE. The death is announced of Mr John Marshall Harlan, of the United States Supreme Court at Washington. He is said to be the hero of a famous golfing story. Once he was playiing golf with a bishop, who missed the ball three times j and then barked his shins without sayin" a word. The judge finally remarked that » the most profane silence I have ever heard!" A GREAT DIFFERENCE. Judge Rentoul told a good dinner story the other day. When he was made the member for East Down he underwent the usual "complimentary," and on the cards were writ, "James Alexander Rentoul, K.C., m.p." "Why the 'X.C.' large and the 'M.P.' small?" he asked. "Oh," replied Mr Secretary Blank, "it takes a clever man to be a X.C, but any fool can be a member of Parliament!" . , A BEGINNING. i i A writer named George Hoddle went to Douglas Jerrold one day to tell him of the difficulties into which he had fallen. " I want your help," he said. " The 'Morning Gazette' has dismissed mc." " You don't say so, my dear George, they've had. a gleam of intelligence at last?" sn-id Jerrold. "Don't joke!" replied Hoddle- "I really want your advice. I'm thinking of going into the coal trade." "Capital!" exclaimed Jerrold. "You've got the sack to begin with!" A FRESH START. The Rev. E. J. Hardy, who has studied the Chinese on the spot, tells a good story in respect of the conversion of the celestial into a good fighting man. A mc- , morial, he says, came from the Viceroy , Yuan Shih Kui. imploring the pardon of a certain general who had deserted dur- , ing the Kwangtung rebellion. The grounds on which the plea was based were that the general, after ceasing to I be such, had entered as a student in a military academy, and was "humble and thorough, with good results." The pardon was granted. THE WRONG MAN. i Of the late Lord Northcote's term in Australia one piquant little tale is told. Strolling one night along a dark avenue to dinner, he was suddenly pounced upon by a maid-servant, who kissed him effusively, and pressed a. little parcel into his hand. "Here's a sausage for you. I can't come out to-night, as master has company," i he whispered, and as mysteriously disappeared. When he got to the house he found one of his servants loitering by the gate. Graspins the situation. Lord Northcote said, "Here is a sausage from your sweetheart, and she wishes mc tc tell you that she cannot come out to-night, as her master has company. And here is five shillings instead of the kiss she gave mc for you."

"WHAT HO! SHE BUMPS."

Vanoc in the London "Referee" tells us an amusing story of the Court-mar-tial held in connection with the loss of H.M.S. Viper. The senior petty-oflicer was under examination. On stating that he was on tile bridge with the lieutenant in command when the ship struck, lie was asked, "Did the Lieutenant Commander say anything?"—" Yes, —that, is, no, nothing important." "Tell the Court what was said," said the prosecutor. "Well, sir, it wasn't important, sir, and if you don't mind I would rather not." Thereupon the president of the Court-martial told the witness that he must answer the question. Looking apologetically towards his skipper, he answered, "Well, sir, the commander, he says to mc, he says, 'What ho! she bumps!'" Then, turning towards his commandiing officer and shipmate in misfortune, he said in a stage whisper, "I couldn't 'elp it, sir."

LONG LIVED BACTERIA.

What is the life of the smallest living i things? The lowest forms of life have considerable life periods, which seem to depend on the inactivity of the individuals. Becquercl and Giglioli have shown that seeds are capable of living and resting in sealed tubes for very long -periods of years —S.") years is the attested record. If seeds can live so long the spores of bacteria ought to be able to survive at least as well. M. Nestler, in "Biologica," records an instance of some bacterial spores which have been recovered from some earth attached to fragments of moss that had been put away in a cabinet since 1852. The earth was completely dry and desiccated, conditions most destructive to bacterial life, hut he recovered 80,200 living sport's from a gramme of it. Another example of moss which had been wrapped up in a paper envelope since 1824 yielded 19,000 bacteria per gramme. Insensible to exlremest cold and absence of moisture, a bacterium's life, though dull, can be a very long one. SNAKES. A capital story is told about a trip by Baron Yon Mueller, the scientist, and head of the Botanical Gardens at Mcl- ' bourne. He had taken passage from Melj -bourne to the north, and had duly sel cured and paid for his berth, leaving his 1 belongings in the cabin while he went on ! deck to wave his farewell to his friends j who were there to see him off. When the ! steamer cleared the Heads he went below to lie down. He had been forestalled. A big rough miner, on his way to join a "rush" to the Palmer diggings, lay at full length on Yon Mueller's berth fast asleep. Little Yon Mueller stirred him up, and in answer to some good sound digger language given forth by his unwelcome guest at being thus roused from his well-earned slumbers. Yon Mueller said timidly, "If you please, sir, dis is my bunk, I think you have made a gross mistake." More digger language of a still warmer nature advising Yon Mueller to find a bunk elsewhere, and ! meanwhile making certain suggestions 1 which would not, if adopted, have tendied to tie Tirofessor's personal comfort. Yon Mueller again remonstrated gently, but to no purpose whatever. At last he I said, "V»ll, sir. if you insist upon taking j mem bunk, perhaps you would be so very i kind to give mc my littel parcel of 1 snakes from unter your pillow." The ! fellow turned round, put his hand under his head, felt Yon Mueller's specimen snakes wriggling about in their confinement, then made one bolt out of the berth and out of the cabin, and rushed up on dock. Yon Mueller possessed his bunk in peace thereafter i