THE DASHWOODS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLII, Issue 24, 28 January 1911, Page 17

THE DASHWOODS.

(Bj STEELE EIIDD-). CHAPTER HL *V£ rout would alone have filled a book "KSLione. 91d John « ™ " resto" Heavily. At intervals, when IS to to settle some point of differSToM John would grunt "h'm" op "lily letter from William to-day?" James, h0 laboured a suspicion that something at the farm,lured of his Parent. !voh nob; not to-day,- lad, not to-day," ft top y And, leaning back in I,ls 11 old jl seemed to become deeply J?? Old you see U»r Peter asked ■wio wtfs already In' Her J hßD and'e confidence as regards the day". .gj, turned her eyes sympathetically mon old John. Prter repeated the question, and the ab-(jat-minded parent came to his senses with 'Sh! oh! Ah-h yes; I seed him, laa!" bB answered clumsily striving to treat the question in hie most nnturalway. "Father and Mr Staunton had a good fly round together, I'll be pound," Tilly ventored, playfully, and, lidded, with a deep tlgh:'"Oh, I'd just lore to be a man In a lit city!" peter drained a glass of ginger-beer, and, getting the. glass down,.chuckled: "Ttf! you'd make a Splendid man, yon would, Til. Ha! ha! Remember -when yon put on James' trousers?" Tilly scowled at her brother, and then clokiid back" a giggle.' I "Sα!" Polly said, nudging Peter, "don't let people hoar you, you silly!" "Well, , sheMnight make, a good enough. man," Marlav.gi-owled,': "for she ain't such j great success at what she Is, or someone jrould he wanting her before thie." "Well I won't be afraid to refuse the (ret one that does come along lest I should tcrer get another, Slarla!" Tilly fired back, jrith Wood "lii her cheeks.

I Just here a palter, plying for custom, tirokc In ,on them.

"No more for mc," old John said, and the lest of. the family- nodded their heads in tte negative.. The waiter toowod Uke a willoir stidi; and fluttered'off on his rounds.

I "ire we going to th' play to-night, father?" Peter askedj folding his serviette inflow. , ,- , ...- Old 'Joan, ehook Ms< head dismally and mumbled: "Ali-h dern't know, lad!", and Tilly siUtl :she "gnessed father Tvonld be going out somewhere with Mr Staunton."

: Oia John starea pathetically Bt -his Bnoshter. t n .. t I "I ihhik'father haS.'seen all he -will, ever Kant to see of Mr Staunton," Mrs- Dashjniod, Temarkeili meaningly. » ."

The family began to "smell a rat," and ted hard and wpndefingly at their downtait parent ,-■: -....,- ■ ,; .

"Oil JTm.'" oia John, and more, led the way from the Ho&lmsr dtningrodni." -, > .

, Bejr-all ascended In the ,lift together,;' tit arriving at .No. 2 floor, coUecied in a circle at onis. enu of [ the Inxurlantly-furnlsh-rt sltttagrooin/ Th-en by degfees, and In dyoihted fragments, full particulars of tleeplsoae lnivhich Will Staunton played inch, an interesting part was passea from »c to,the 0ther....,.-., ■- .. ..,.

"Awl do yon mean to say. the old sconnftfi wassgoing to hit you with a chair, fother!" James asked, with an angry frown 01 Ms face. ■ '■'

"We'C Ah thenk he done, lad!" fU John anewered quietly.

"And fancy that Willie Staunton' pulling lither flown on.the floor!'; Tilly flared. "I eoold wrlnghla Meek."' , • •' t\

Polly snmnied the etaunton family up as "a bai] lot," and reckoned, they, weren't *orUi talking- about. ,; "Dld'ybu say is someone wer' shot, my to?" Granny inquired ."of Follyi teat no one was U flic.humour to go into, details in the Granny. ; : "By Xmns! I wish I'd .been there!" Peter broke ont, : with .fight in his eye. "I'd have lettledJlißter ~ ■ ■■ "It mightn't 'be too late yet,"' James.re-. Burked, with, a quiet, no-wnfldence emile at Us brother. f a ■ -■ ';.'

y? Xmaa I would!" Peter said louder. "It would be just as elective to-morrow," James drawled advlsedly 4 "No mistake I would!" Peter repeated. 'TV o might C om e across him before we leave towh,'l : James suggested knavlshly. ■ 'Wlota , deuce is Bill Staunton, Id-like , tn( "T'" Peter stormed, unmindful of James. ! •■■ i.' c: '

James winked at Tilly. "Well, Peter," Tilly said, "really,' you just look us if yon wou]( j nlt somebody." Oh, wen," jiarla growled, as she danced ™ baby upland, down, "I'm glad it's Jiap-jjj-nM-lor my part; we won't have to be Ottered calling on them now, ana they e«t did like ; jto see anyone come i with, a ™J t°,their, place, aU y wa y!» ■ P°tter; with his hair beautifully ar™«ed for the evening, and a silver tray in wand, entered the eltting.room and stared ■'- ■ : lonr , BaßhwCoa? " he saW ' addressine a w, Bftelea-featui-ed bald-headed old swell jJ'WbyWpelf, Scowling on all around

Ittaifl " heaflea one snook his head. Our ."IS all tamed their faces towards the here," cried old Join, eaten- ' • The-reputation enjoyed by the Ausaboriginal for seeing things early Is Vi comparison to the quickness of """.Yielod", , * •

njj l^ B "Shtly ana gracefully across the room, he placed a card-in old John's iij't , g6iltleman '3 waiting to see yon ■Ola if ' Bk '" he said; " raost important." «itf i 6tared ilt the card; Mrs ' Dash - at it; the whole family crowdg* »»a; stared at it. •tt Joii Bol,ert Stnun ton, ah-h," murmnred , c 'a'mlly looked at ench otter. "Wtato see you?" said Peter. teirtM , PS WiU te wlth ilm ." James re"jfH looking at Peter. sia/tl Toa So. father; don't you," Polly W lly auvlsed , earnestly, and Mrs ! 'Wh m nnnurea: "Don't mind him." «4 *1 m ™< elr7" from the porter, i*«« ieeomlng restless. »»tT-' n?ll - ! " Wustere a old John; "Ah ft sport^ ypU ' re not ln -'sir?" suggested %ti\ m force of uabit - l|iMil^' ln '"? rlea o,d John - " Yon Stn sent wnttt t0 bave enncrthin' ; 'TietaV Wltll tu " ia P** o' him." «»S e a?«- B !': smilea - "Yesslr," he said, and "Dia agnlu - *J.a-;oi4--. T eVet boar th ' lahke s °' tlict !" 'tyi-'lv te,rlue the card to P leces - j- a ° n ° Wl ' Robert Staunton.

For quite a while the family sat In ellence.

"Have you been to the theatre to hear 'In Australia' yet, Mr Hall-Smith?" a female voice rang out across the room.

"Bai Jove! "At reallay am ashamed Al hey not, Miss Blood-Brown," came the answer, "but Aim told it 3 awfullay delightful." 1 *>•.'; ..."

"Terribly fuhnay," from a second female. ""We -were there ;the nalght Ills Excellency attended, and we literally ecreamed the whole taime."

Our friends from the country looked inquiringly into each other's faces.

"That's where we should go to-night," Peter said, and Polly and Tilly quickly approved of his suggestion.

Mrs Dashwood looked kindly at old John, and thought It would do him a "world of good to go out for an hour or two and forget things.

Old John brooded on In silence a while longer; then, as though his senses had suddenly returned, said with .a glow i>t enthusiasm: ''Ah-h, why not; the whole lot on us. You too, Maria." ; Polly nnd Tilly cast an anxious glance towards Maria, with a hope In their ■rolldlyI beating hearts that their married sister, with the . squawking encumbrance, would elect to remain behind and take care of the I hotel. But to their chagrin Maria was de- ; lißhted' with the idea. • She hadn'.t seen a play "since Joe Miller's niggers performed In the goods-6hed at Chatswood," but they would have to wait until she "put aubthor dress on the baby." She -went off and pat another dress on the baby; also an extra pink ribbon or two on herself. And when all were ready ZVlaria was curious to know If the baby would understand anything of the play. Polly nudged Tilly, and Tilly nudged Polly; then they all hurried down the stairs, dragging each other after them.

The Company's manager, the courteous Goody,-, smiled a droll sort of emile as he turned to watch the last of old John's numerous party, trail in at the door of the theatre.

They were late. The play was In full swing 'When they entered, and the trouble they had to discover seats for themselves exasperated a section of the audience. CUy people tnke their "theatres" as they take themselves, seriously. "They called upon the late comers to "sit down" before they could see where to sit, or what to sit on.

"Don't yow. be In a hurry," old- John called back to them. "We got plenty to sit on, but Where to put it be th' trouble." This caused a laugh, which brought a number of people at distant parts of the house tp their feet. They seemed to think the play had shifted venue, and that they were missing some of it. Others then followed their stupid example till the whole" audience, except those near by, were staring in the direction of our counny friends.-

"Why flidn't yer bring th' plough, with yer?" inquired a thin ; voice from a-,dark corner of the pit, and a burst of ment rang put in that quarter. ' Finally, however, onr friends all sank down out of sight. Then Granny, thinking, she was at home on the farm, started to make .more trouble. At the top of her wheezy voice she desired to know if Mrs Dash wood was "dulte comfortable," and if she 'Was "sitting in a draught."

"Oh, dry up!" came :from the seat behind; and Polly , and Tilly took Granny in hand- to silence her. But they were up against "a difficult proposition.

"Hare you. th' little yun wrapped well up, my <Jear?"she inquired of Maria,. Then iMarJa began a conversation -with her on the amiable characteristics of the infant.

"Ordert Ofder!*• commanded a number of .angry people, and one was. heard to growl: "It's at Dunwich they ought , to be! , .!

Tilly pinched Granny hard to suppress her, but only provoked her to loud remon : strance. She rebelled in a. sharp, squeaky voice, and addressed her grand-daughter In an Incoherent "sort'of way. >. V j

"Put them out!" came from away back in the pit, while a voice that seemed aiffected by a bad cold,cried:.."Sit.on their chest!"

"Oh, ain't it awful!" Tilly murmured to Polly,: and old John at last shook Granny hard, and warned-her to be silent, by holding up his big finger and shaking it close to her nose. , .

Then Granny settled down, -and the family fixed Its, eyes on .jthe play, j A. bush scene was •before them. An old selector in hie shirt eleeves, and -with large, patches on his pants, Was wildly 1 , harangu Ing his daughter Into marrying ihe fellow for whom she had no love.

"You're mad—mad as a march hare," he exclaimed. "Could you compare the two men, could you? Is there any comparison between them?"

"No, there is not,, father," the girl",answered, looking very love-sick and pretty, "Jim ig poor, and hard-iworking, and goodlooking and honest, and—itud— he loves mc."

"Well, and what is th' hother?" yelled the boisterous match-making parent.

"Oh, well, he's an Inspector of Police, father, that is all."

The Did selector walked at rteing-pace up; and down the boards for several turns, and •threw his sledge-hammer fists -wildly about ■before he spoke. " [

'"Jliat is all, eh?" he yelled. "Where's Ms iblg screw, and his hlniluence In th' country, eh? Ain't he got them?" He walked up and down again, and when he got ticed,, paused before ..the girl, and bellowed: "Damnation to it! are yer goin , to ■have'him—yes-or no?" 'Wo, a thousa-nd times no, ifather!" "Then damn yer! yer'll -have to!" and off he went again in a canter. Just here the person involved, the uniformed Inspector himself, entered in a most unexpected sort of "Way. "*V' i "' "God Mess mc. Inspector," said the artful old selector, suddenly .becoming as cheer-ful-looklug as a bridal party, "It's you, is it? Why, we was just talkin' alibuit you and sn'j'in' litjw lon-g -it is since you were here," and he nearly vyrung the official's arms out.

■At this period of the performance 'Peter thought "it up to ihlm" 'to have a laugh. And a man sitting in £ront ©f him 'who received 'the full blast of the mirth In his right ear looked round and said: "Steady, old man!"

"Well, I hope I am not intruding," spoke the brilliant Inspector, with one eye on the girl, "but an important case which I have in ham! in this locality brings mc here at this late 'hour." Here he gazed nt the audience and sighed: "Ah, what a diviue •creature! If she will only 'be Then he faced the old selector's daughter, and bowed profusely to her, and addressed her as "Kate," and assured her of the pleaeure it gave him to find her looking co cheerful and well. "Kate" 'bowed coldly and stiffly to him, and plunged a needle into a scrap of calico she ■was supposed to be eewing.: ! r A case in.this district, eh, Inspector?" the old selector snld, fussing round.

' "Yes. Some rascals have been slatighter-In-g Grey's cattle for ihlm, and doing It pretty clumsily, too, i can tell yon.*' ■.

"Yer don't tell me, , ' gasped the old selec-

"Quite true, confound "them! We rame across the hend of one scratched out- of the srround by the dingoes, and the tail of another in an old fire."

The old selector thought he saw some hrnnour iv It, and snid:

"Heads you >win and tails "they lose, eh, Inspector. Tla! 'ha! iha!"

"Well, win or lose, I'm making a house to house investigation and asking them all to turn out wlhat hides they've got."

'sWell, I'll very soon chow yer mine," said the old selector, and off (he bolted. iAt the door he paused and observed to the audience: "lUI gWe l&an plenty of time ter themselves. That's all he'H alter."

Then, iwihile the audience .breathed heavily, the Inspector addressed himself affectionately to the daughter.

"I hope she won'it ihawe Mtnt" iTUjy murmured excitedly Into 'iPoily'e ear, and at the same moment something went iwrong with Maria's foa/by. It sqneated without giving any .warning of his intention, and Maria shook it and "cooed" and crooned to It "Bit onlit!" cried a disagreeable ln-dir-id-oal. "Chuck tt out.'" another, with no sympathy for children, advised, Maria scowled all round like a Honess at bay, and said: 'Td like to see any at you try it!" A great number of silly people laughed, and Mrs. Dashwood pulled ait Maria and .told her to take ao .notice, ■which ataxia did forthwith.

"Why this silence, why are yon so cold to mc, Kate? Have you not one.little word of love for mc? Ah-h!" and the Inspector went through a series of tragic antics peculiar to people who love to excess. But it ■was no use. AH the response he could extract from the girl was a long, far-aiway sigh. The Inspector tugged at (his sleeves and displayed eymptoms of desperation setting' In.

"Then you refuse imy love?" he yelled In a violent outburst.

Kate answered with a faint bow.

•'Ah-h-h! Then you love another?"

"Yes, she loves another!" came unexpectedly from the hero of the play, who strolled in and calmly confronted the Inspector. "And what have you to cay to Mm?"

The official one wae knocked all of a heap for a second or two.

"Oh, Jim!" gasped the girl, clutching at sptice.

"Scoundrel!" yelled the disappointed Inspector, "who admitted you here?"

Jim drew oirt and delivered him his 'beet punch, and knocked him across the sofa. Then, -while the audience cheered and hurrayed and laughed, Jim took Kate in his .big, hairy arms and hugged her. He enjoyed the hugging process so much, and kept to It so long, that the prostrate Inspector wlas given time to regain consciousness and to calmly consider what vni ■best for him to do. He considered the best thing to do wae to draw <hls revolver. And, notwithstanding" that Peter called lustily to htm to "look out," Jim neglected to turn his head until requested dn a triumphant voice by the Inspector to "leave this house or die the death of a villain!" When the did turn he found himself looking down the barrel of the regulation revolver.

The audience clutched each other for support. Polly and Tilly closed their eyes.

"Oh, my God!" Maria said, "he's going to Ehoot him!" •_ i. & . ■

Tien the, awful suspense was broken by Jim calmly spitting into the barrel, and defying the revolver to go off. A loud yell of delight Tan out, and Jim epat into the barrel again. Then down .went the curtain. . .

"Ak-h, he's a proper Htwtraliton, that cove!" old John observed, as he wiped the excitement from his brow with, a nandkerchief.

Then the light was turned full on, and a murmur of voices filled tie house as the audience began to converse freely 'with Itself.

In the babel of tongues about our friends a female voice was heard to say, dn Iα grievous way: "Fancy bringing a baiiy In -arms to a theatre! How ridiculous!" Maria turned her iiead quicTcly and located the owner of that voice. ,

Tiie proprietor of it "was a lady "with, a long, lean necK, and a ibare, bony chest. She looked through a pair of goM-rlmmed •glasses that were secured *6 sdme part of her toy a magnificent chain, and she sat up very straight and dignified 'behind a fan ifihat -would have made a peacock weep •with envy.

"M you had one 'like It," Maria said straight at her, "you'd Ibring it, 'too; but I don't suppose you ever had one," and concluded by making an ugly face.

The lady with the long, bare necrk screened her blushing face behind the gorgeous fan, and whispered things .into the ear of a male companion. Tilly arid iPolly tooth tugged at Alalia, and threatened to leave and i'etuTn 'to the ihotel If she "iwenit; on like that any more.'* Maria growled audibly to herec-lf, and hugged the precious Infant closer to. her ..bosom. here! One" shilling a box!" cried a youthful vendor of sweets, pushing his way between the tows of seats.

"Got a shilling,"fattier?" Peter wntenered (to his parent.

"lAh-h!" anewered old John, pushing his fist into'-fils pocket.

Peter beckoned . the youth along, and plunged. Old John paid for them -with a half sovereign.

""She's • enjoyin' herself, mister," the chocolate troy eiid, with a grin at Granny. Old John glanced quickly at the aged one and discovered she was fast asleep.

The boy laughed sociably. "Wake «p, mootlrer!" said old John, giving Granny a shaker "it'e jroing to begin agen now!" Granny declined "to iwake tip. "Don't yon disturb her, mister," the troy said, advisedly; "she won't intas anythlrik!" ' "Yes: leave her, John,' , Litre. Daehwood orged; "she'll (be all right!" John left 'her, and the s>oy moved off ■without lea-ring any change. Then the curtain rose again, and showed ■to the world some more of 'the Australian 'busli. It was a wild, grand sort of scene. A mountain pass in all Its ruggednees stood -within several feet of the audience. Wild birds .were calling and whistling and laughIng among 'the, mountains. iA police constable and two black-trackere iwere pitching a camp at ."the mouth of -the mountain passAll -their baggage and accroutrements lay' about The audience murmured In admiratlon.

"Ife too bafl to let Jier antes all on it," old John said, and made another attempt to wnke Granny. >Buit the effort "was fftrtlle. Oue of the black-trackers stared up Into the foliage above his head, and said: "Moo-moom-by." His .brother tracker shook Ms woolly head, and contradicted htm: "'Baal, inoomoomby," He jabbered. "That fellow petebroo." Then they argued the point until the constable tossed an empty Wily-can at their feet and hollered:

"Shut ye's jabbering jaw and go and fill that at tKe creek. Hurry up, or before we hare tile tea ready the Inspector will be here, and there'll be th' divil to play."

"You been fetch it, Charlie," the first tracker grumbled, shunting the Job on to hie brother. "I been bring it water alonga dinner-time."

Charlie also demurred. "Oh, by crlpes," he growled, "I been bring it water last night two times twice."

The audience laughed at the simple humour of its countrymen.

"Go am wld y'; the two of ye," thundered the .constable, "V' pair o' laiy diTils. All ye're good fer is stuffin' pe're skto, and shleepln'. And loot here, when I think of ud: Let's ,ye's Jseeji mc awaake to-night the way ye's did larst night wia ye're enorln , iike pigs, and be my soul I'll put a hot firestick up ye're noshtrlls!"

Howls of delight from every part of the house.

"You been do that," said Charlie;, "we couldn't smell it no more to make It a llvln' for oar missis, and we get it compensation then from It Labour Party." (Yells' of laughter from the "fat" section of the hooee.)

"Ob, my word, yee," Norman said, In confirmation, "we get it plenty fellow compensation then all right for not beta' able to smell it track no more," and both nlggerg laughed and grimaced like children.

"Shmell a thjraek!" snarled the constable, "the only thrack ever I knew ye's to shmell wer" th.' thrack of a damper, or a lump o' beef. Go am wJd ye's and fetch the water, or I'll kick ye , re ribs in!" and he aimed a place kick with his number ten at Charlie, which went wide ot the mark. (More joy for the audience, during which Peter wriggled, in a sort of fit across the knees of his parent and kicked Granny back Into the land of the living again for several seconds.) Charlie started oft, billy In band, and, hanging over the edge of the stage ■while Norman held him by the two legs, dipped come water out of the creek.

"Now, gather plenty o , -wood fer th , night!" ordered the constable, "so as we won't be scratchin' about in th' dark forrlt, and be plckin' up shnakes."

"By cripes!" gasped Charlie, suddenly becoming reminiscent, "1 been pick It up two big pfellow snakes one night."

"Ye's did, yer black divll! And what did ye's do?"

"By cripes, I been jump it nearly Into th' plurry moon," answered Charlie. And the laugh he raised would have emptied a hospital.

"Well, be th , ealnts above," said the constable, "1 wish, ye'd pick one up now!"

Charlie proceeded cautloosly to collect wood. Aβ lie bent down Norman threw a stick, which fell' at lie feet. Charlie, with snakes oil his mind, took fright. He bounded Into the air like a piece of whalebone, then stared about suspiciously. The audience entered into the joke with enthusiasm. Satisfied nothing had attacked him Charlie continued to scrape up more wood. As he stooped again a snake of tremendous dimensions gradually towered ite length from the limbs above till its large head, with "wide, open mouth, was within a foot of Charlie's woolly head. (The undlence started to get excited, -while Norman' fled at sight of the reptile and took refuge behind the constable.) Charlie filled his arms with sticks, then straightened up. Hie he-ad bumped Into the dangling boa-con-strictor. He looked up quickly to see whnt •was there. He saw what wae there, and dropped his bundle to the accompaniment of an unearthly yell. The snake concluded the time was ripe to commence operations. It commenced by falling In o. number of long, heavy colls upon Charlie, and winding itself around him. Talk about excitement! A wild, desperate struggle started off, and rolled Itself several times across the stage. The audience began to kneel on each other's shoulders.

"Don't y , think we had better get out of tore, father?" Peter cried, with fright end ifrenzy In hie rolling eyes. Old John didn't hear him. ' .

The struggle for life on the one hand, and for a meal im the other, continued to roll across the stage. The constable seized a rifle,, and, pointing It in the direction of the danger, sat prepared to defend Wmsclf. The snake coils slackened and Chnrlie slipped out Into the fresh air. He lay full length on Ms stomach, exhausted. The snake struck a similar attitude. Their •heads were near each other's. The snake, like the stars, began to blink. Charlie groaned. The snake opened its month. Charlie gazed far away Into the recesses of its lengthy interior. He groaned more. ("Oh, we'd all better go; It's going to swallow him!" came apprehensively from Maria.) Something seemed to go wrong ;TVifch the reptile internally. It suddenly developed several bulging compartments along its stomach. It "was ail stomach. It opened it mouth wider—still wider. Ii struggled, strained, •wriggled and contorted; then a kang-aroo rat jumped out of him, and raced for dear life across the stage. ■(Yells of surprise from, ithe house.) Then "bang!" went the constable's rifle, and the rat fell just as it was m the act of jumping upon the orchestra. Such howls and yells and jeers as followed -were never heard in any play house before. And 'before the people could calm themselves the snake let loose two half bald old 'possums upon the evening. "Bang! bang!" from the constable's rifle, and both 'poseoms Jay shivering on their tracks.

"Well, damme!" said John Hop (popping more cartridges into the magazine), "If this alnH th , besht bit W epoort Ire bad since I Jlned the foorce!"

Then the voice of Charlie was beard to call out in feeble, pleading tones:

"Oh, why you not been shoot it th' plurry snake!"

"I wud," cried the constable, "but how do I know there isn't a~ mahin la him, and trwnd be manslaughter!" But Mrs Dashwood had reached the limit She.could stand no more of that play. "I'm going!" ehe said, rising; "I'm going. Someone will be ehot, and It might be one of us!" Maria, in the Interests of her offspring, agreed with her mother. "Just as yer like," Old John said, and off they all -went. . (Continued weekly.)