MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLI, Issue 233, 1 October 1910, Page 14

MERRIER MOMENTS.

WHY! OH WHY! L'arold (proudly)—" Yes, old man, my ] portrait is in ail the newspapers." Her- . j bert (meaningly)—"ls it? What were c you cured of?" . 1 THE WITCHING HOUR. Claire: "Jack told mc he wanted to see you the worst possible way." Ethyls " And what did yot> say?" | Claire:'." I told him to come to breakfast some morning." CONSERVATION. " I see you have only one chair in the kitchen, Mary. 1 must get another one for you." " You needn't mind, ma'am. I have. none but gentlemen callers." THE REFORM HE NEEDED. Earnest but prosy street corner roator: "I want land reform; 1 want housing reform; I want educational reform; . 1 want " Bored Voice: "Chloroform." [ SO NICE. I "Do you think we ought to have a . bigger army and a larger navy?" " Oh, ; yes!" replied the beautiful girl. "It . would be so nice if all the boys at the dances could appear in uniform, with epaulettes and braided collars." THE CAUSE. "Hello, Smith," said one man to . another, "I'm glad to see you back at i the club again, old fellow. Wife off to , the country, eh?" i "No," Smith growled. "She's got C back." MORE CIVIC RIVALRY. ' Squire Durnitt: "We don't have any 3 burglaries in Lonelyville, and you've had 1 half-a-dozen or more in your town." 1 Uncle Welby Gosh (of Drearyhurst): r "Thari ain't nothin' in your blamed old * town that's wuth stealin', an th' burglars all know it." c ° V UNOBSERVLNG. t "John, did you take the note to Mr c Jones?" r "Yes, but I don't think he can read it." i. "Why so, John?" s "Because he is blind, sir. While I l wur in the room, he axed mc twice where ~ my hat wur, and it wur on my head all c the time." c CHEAP AT THAT. '£ "I would like to meet some of the : " picturesque long-haired knights of the '" pen and palette," said the unspphisticatn ed stranger. "It is worth a dollar to »* meet a real Bohemian." * c "Don't worry about its being worth v it," hastened the guide. "Just as soon - 1 ' as you meet a real Bohemian, he'll ask ie you to loan him one."

HE KNEW. Doctor: "If your wife faints again, just throw cold water over her—quite cold water, you understand —and then—" Husband: " And then run for your life." RATHER ROUGH, Lady—No, I don't want no brusnel nor no laces! Pedlar—Here you are, madam, "Grammar for Beginners," only sixpence! MUST BE! Editor: "Did you interview the leader of the Suffragettes?" Reporter: "I tried to, but she wouldn't talk." Editor: "Wouldn't talk? Good heavens, man, was she dead?" THE BRUTE. Wife: "What fools sheep are!" the remark being suggested Iby something she was reading. Abstracted Husband: "Yes, lamb"; and he wondered why she rushed out slamming the door as she went. HE'S SORRY NOW. Mr. Chatters: "Here is an : article on 'What One Woman Thinks.' It o<scu.pies a quarter of a column." Mrs. Chatters: "What of it?" Mr. Chatters:'"! was wondering how large a newspaper would be required to print what orie woman says." QUIET FOR ONCE. "Johnny," said the boy's mother, "I hope you have been a nice, quiet boy at school this afternoon." "That's what I was," answered Johnny. "I went to sleep right after dinner, and the teacher said she'd whip any boy in the room who waked mc up." RIGHT! •Doctor: "Now tell mc, Mrs. Jones, has your husband had any lucid intervals since my last visit —that is, has he really been, talking sensibly?" Mrs. Jones: "Lori, yes, sir. Why, for over a hour this mornm' he was shoutin' out thai you was an old fool and didn't know your business." THE LEADING LADY. Two men were exchanging greetings the other day when one of them exclaimed: "Why, Edward, old chap, you're in fine trim! You're positively bearmng! I've never seen you look so satisfied with yourself and with the world. Any particular reason?" "Yes," answered Edward. "The fact is, I've just succeeded in signing up our leading lady for another season." "I had no idea you-were in the theatrical business." "Nor am I, I am referring to OW . cook.*