WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIX, Issue 114, 13 May 1908, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

By "OLD SALT. The preacher of old, who appli ed V heart to know and to search seek out wisdom, must b e *i obV ° " for our sympathy since he had no ™£ papers to illumine his path ot to S' en his search. No nutlet* nf •f • '■' could he pick from m Brief" column, with as litle as Jack Homer experienced mg his plum; each had to be del™™£ wrought for. Here is a sampieTS I mean, and readers can figure to +£ • selves the amount of releaU * niVV sary before so important £t S be considered authenticate itX

Although probably no asDGr R cast upon this paper, «fcffi§s#ii much study is a weariness to S|i (not fish), my stock of midnight ou fi be exhausted in the effort to proveS the piscatorial freak referred to kV member of the "smelt" family a

Figures of speech are once morel; evidence In lamenting the fact tha? in selecting our various experts 1* imported article is invariably nrefprr'l to the home grown, a local Wjgg§ — We seem to imagine that experts only grow on Old Country bushes." Why should we not? Ihe last W o Country "Bush" we imported has prove! in every way a success. * v

Tfoe WWtemate County Council fc"'' likely to have an interesting W si.it on hand before long. It owner of a motor-car for dam a g e S done ■ to one of its roads; said owner havW been compelled to dig his car out of "the' mud. A cross summons vnR prohablv be issued for damages sustained by 'the motor car; but, before .the latter can succeed, he will probably have to pro.' duce not only his vehicular license but a miner's right. Such an action as that" contemplated reminds one of the old story, in which a too inquisitive dor while making investigation into the an'" pearance, and possibly dietetic value of a lobster, found himself within the 'alp. ' pers of the crustacean, and made a hasty exit, with the lobster still attached Man!" cried the indignant fishmonger : whistle back your dog!" "Man," wai the complacent retort, "whistle back your lobster!"

The for Justice announces r that Auckland's police force is to r b» considerably augmented, and everyone will agree that such a. step is" necessary* On a recent week night there might have been observed two stalwart officers— :. one, by the way, a sergeant—"moving on" two little lads who were makuv - very pleasant music in Shortland-street) while at a distance of some hundred yards or so, were a score of full grown' men making night hideous . with -the braying of brass and the pounding of parchment. If any reader be of a mathematical turn, he might work out the problem:—lf it take a sergeant and a constable to "pass alosg" two infants, how many of each will be required to disperse an adult orchestra? Dp. tie uniforms appeal to each other, I wonder, and are books still judged by their covers 1 ■;.'.. ■ i

The stalwart farms,. J Ji In uniforms. .:.-..- . ■ -, ■'. ■'«- Dwell, all. jn sweet contentment; ■■: r-.-But helpless youth',. ■ In rags, forsooth! Is "bound" to rouse resentment. '•.'.'-.. It is pleasing to learn that Mr. P. A« "Vaile is still endeavouring to "Wake ug. England!" to the importance of the subtarget rifle-machine—may he ' get "the gold" every tinie! In this endeavour tfis assistance of his associate, Mr. H. E. Partridge, of Auckland, described by the '•'Daily Graphic! , as "a- patriotic Isfen; Zealander," should be invaluable; that gentleman will perhaps pardon a liberty with his name, if it is pointed out that the genus has so long provided a target for the wielders of . shot guns, jand so often disappointed theji. ■. A story -which may be new to some of my readers recurs to mc and may be worth quoting:— A valuable pointer dog which; had accompanied his master through a long and arduous field day, was, at nighty reported missing. Two years afterwards its skeleton, was found under a hedge with frontal bones and ultimate vertebrae in sportsmanlike position, the bows; (pardon an "Old Salt",) pointing directly t» a door, upon which was a brass-jlate inscribed, "A. Partridge"! Certainly' our travelling clerics' give the people of.Auckland a great deal of trouble in contradicting to the community, what is announced—ex cathedra-* to "the -world. At a meeting of the -Im-. perial Institute in I/ondon, Bishop NehV gan is reported—inter alia —-to nave sail, that in New Zealand ,onlytwo classes were sweated, the clergy and. civil servants. Seeing that this remark followed an. intimation that domestics would meet with a warm welcome, the. "civil, aerr vants" has been printed, by request, with a small "c," in the hope that the new arrivals -will come under that cate< gory. As regards the remark itself, well— .

Both servants, hand in hand, we stands* Each, owing his allegiance. One to bis Cfiucfi. one- to the State, , We humbly yield obedience. Boldly we stand, with but one hand, ' To guard our goodly Nation; „., ■-, Did we use both it might .result, , : ..-_ In undue perspiration. 'V^ This then the reason Church and State.,.? • Keep hands fast interlocking; A man can't work too hard with one, . To sweat, would be too shocking! ' \ - - ■ .. .-- What a train of thought is sometimes set in motion by a simple word! The, conversation in a railway carriage theother day had turned on the subject ot infant mortality, when a passenger whoentered at a wayside station, remarked ; that it was a "chilly day"—lmmediately, my thoughts flew to the bereaved _ old . mother, who yet could jest in her grief—,, Little Wjllie, from a mirror, ; ■ LicUed the mercury all off, Thought, poor boy, in childish error, - It would cure his whoopins>coughAt the funeral, Willies mother. Smartly said to Mrs Brown— " 'Twas a chilly day for Willie When the mercury went down I" The civic authorities have given ;0l several demonstrations in Queen-street' of what the demon of destructivenesshas to do as a preliminary to an efficient system of drainage; but the good . people of Grey Lynn are determined to go one better. The Mayor (Mr. Gw Sayers) after congratulating ratepayers upon living in the best-drained district . outside of the complete water carriage' area, stated that, "He would leave no stone unturned to maintain the satisfiUM tory position that-the borough tamed in respect of this all-importaHt subject." There is a prospectl .ji