THE STORYTELLER.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 276, 18 November 1905, Page 14

THE STORYTELLER.

SHY ABOUT TH Xl R WXXGKT. "Nearly everybody is sensitive about their weighV said a man who was in charge of a number of slot —-ffrrn*- '*____ people seem to .flunk that they do not weigh enough, and fat people be-' lieve they weigh too much. I have a great deal of fun watching people who use the weighing-machines. •TJsually before a perßon -drops in his penny he will make sure that no one is near enough to read the on the dial. If anybody approaches before the hand has stopped, a sensitive person -will sometimes get off the scale "Women are more sensitive about their weight than men.- Jew women will weigh themselves while anybody is looking. They seem to guard their weight as closely as they do their ages. Here's a little advice: If you want to be popular with thin women, exaggerate when guessing their weight; if yon would have fat women like you, guess below what you think they weigh." JUST AS HE THOUGHT. A small boy was reciting in a geogra- • phy class, says the "Ladies' Home Jour- > nal." The teacher was trying to teach him the points of ths compass. She explained * "On your right is the south, your left 5 the north, and in front of you is the east. ' Now, what is behind you?" The boy studied for a moment, then i puckered up his face and bawled: ' "I knew it. I told ma y*OTT_. see that 7 patch in my pants." A FBETTT WIT. ' Dr. Jowett, of Oxford, was a formidable wit. At a gathering at which he was ; present, the talk ran upon the compara- " tire gifts of two Baliol men who had I been, respectively, made a judge and a • bishop. Professor Henry Smith, famous ■ in his day for his brilliancy, pronounced ; the bishop to be the greater man of the - two for this reason: "A judge, at the most, can only say, *You he hanged, 3 - whereas a bishop can say, *You be j damned." " "Yes," said Dr. Jowett, '""but if tbe judge says, "You be hanged,' yon : are hanged."' 1 SOMCTHJ - G WROKG. The Bishop of Worcester, on alighting from a train at Paddington, asked a por- , ter to see after his luggage "How many articles are there, sir?" " asked the porter. ; "Thirty-nine," replied the Bishop abstractedly. - The man came back and said he could ■ n-nd only two. - MAKING ASSURANCE DOUBLY SURE. In Lancashire the Leatgne cricket > matches played on Saturdays arouse as - much excitement as the more famous football games. On one occasion, ow- ; ing to one of their players going i astray, the visiting club were obliged i to play their umpire, and they had to ford a sub. for him. One of their ! most rabid supporters, who had accompanied the team, offered Ids services, and after an examination ..by [ the rival captains he. was a]lowed""ter '. stand. He managed his duties fairly well at the commencement, but after , he had got rid of five of the opposing - side for very doubtful l.h.w.'s there ' were signs-of dissent. The bowler, no--1 ticing how matters stood, sang out con- ' fidentry for an Trr-aginary chance. ! -'How's that?" ' . "Out!" answered the umpire. "'* "What's that you say?" e_cla_ned the opposing captain. ' "Out, I tell thee; and, what's more, Fll bet thee a quid our side wins!" 1 SHE SAW TTTM. ■ Little four-year-old Marjory, the mm- ' isteris daughter, was confined to her ; room with a cold. She was good for a ' while, then she began to pine for company. "I want to see papa," she said, s "Papa's busy, dear,'' said her mother, "and so you cannot." Presently the pleading little voice was " raised again: ;' "I want to see my papa ever so much, > please, mamma!" "Kb, dear," was the answer; "papa ; cannot be disturbed." ■ j Silence for a few momexrts, and then i i the four-year-old parishioner rose to a j question of privilege. •■Mamma," she said insistently. '1 am j a sick woman, and I want to see my mm.- . istcr! ~ ! And she did.