THE PUNISHMENT OF THE PUN

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 204, 26 August 1905, Page 11

THE PUNISHMENT OF THE PUN

When Words were coming forth from ink In Pen and Paper Land, And Verbs and Nouns were marching by beneath the Writer's hand. And Sentences, like straight platoons, filed onward, one by one, Into the concourse saddenly*there hopped a little Pun, . A horrid little, torrid little Sassy little Pnn. say wh*t shall be done immediately spoke: "This case is serious, of course—a pun can be no joke. Come, hasten hither. Verbs and Nouns, and say what shall be den To rid the English language of this cheeky little Pun, This law-defying, jaw-defying, Bouncing little Puu." Two Ion?-, sad Adverbs seized the Pun and drapged him, pale aud sick, Before the high tribunal of their Judge, the Rhetoric, Who, glarinp; through his specs, exclaimed, "The prisoner's offence is Vngraney and obtaining laughter nnder false pretences. Obtaining smiles by tricks and wiles And other false pretences.

"With good and stately English words he's played the very trick— He says a lamp is wicked, just because it has a wick! jl'wo doctors are to him a "paradox," he blandly states — He says the Tree of History 4an bear no fruit—but dates! That Tree for him, on bough and limb, Can bear no fruit—but dates!

"And so, to fit his many crimes, I'll name a sentence black — To serve for forty-seven years in a drug store Almanack, To dwell with base, Defective Verbs and Double Negatives, With False. Constructions, Damaged Jokes, and Split Infinitives— To join the hordes of bandit Words And split Infinitives."

The Pun to prison limped away, but ere the week was past. He left the hateful Almanack to see the world at last. For he was seen and rescued by a Vaudeville Barn-Stormer Who took the Pan and made of him a onenight star performer— Though years have ran. alas! that Pun t Is still a star pernrmer. -"Wallace Irwin* la "U.S. Gisfce."