"GET UP."

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 138, 10 June 1905, Page 14

"GET UP."

BY CHARLKS HALL GAG RETT. Did you ever notice how different people get up? The man who is atteut*ve to Aunt Mathilda begins by saying: '-Well, I must be soing." But he does not get up. There I doesn't seem to be anj- get-np in him. He i remains comfortably ensconced in the best ' arm-chair, not even uncrossing his legs, j witii one foot swinging like a pendulum, showing entirely too much sock, and it is noc till he lias made the same remark half a dozen times and young Aunt Mathilda has said with a strait-laced smile, "Well. Mr OarringtoE, I hope yon will drop in soon again," that be does set up. And after lie has got up, he backs towards the front door and continues backin?, fumblinj; for the door-knob, which, [oath io turu. he holds till young Auut Mathilda sa.rs: "Well, we migut as well sit down."' AntE after a short pause he repeats the remark he has just made, and asks if she does not think so too. Then I hear Cncle Harry say, from where F am studying-: '-Is that fool going to stay iill night V Ami Aunt Maria says: "Hash, Harry: Up. might h«ir yon." Then Uncle HArry says: "I hope he dees." Ami jouns Aaint Mathilda, fearful that | Mr Carrißgtou bas heard what she has. j wakes up and tries io be more entertaining. Then Mr Carrt'ngtou. who likes to make .1 theatrical exit after he has made what \ lie thinks is a :;»■»(! impression, ?ets up and , ! backs towards the door again. This time tic buttons his overcoat, and lingers only to ask what evening within a week will be convenient for her to have him call. And Aunt Mathilda says: "Any evening." Then he runs over the different ones, and finally pins her dswn to Friday evening. Then he wants to Snow if he will see her at the Carlton's enehre party Thursday evening. And when Aunt Mathilda says "Tes," I he asks if he may call for her and see her j home. "It isn't necessary, Mr Carrington,' , says Aunt Mathiida. . "TJie maid will do just i

as well." I And irAcfo' Hsrr'rjv' hearing that, langßST aloud and says: "Can't that Amsterdam I fool take n hint?" An<l Aunt Maria ?Vs: "Harry, Harry, please don't take so load!" "The man's an ass," says Uncle Harry I equally as loud, if not louder. Then Mr Carriu~toii says to Aunt Mat- | liilda: "It will afford mc great pleasure to j I call for you and also see you home." j '■That'll be very good of you." says Aunt ■ . Mathilda, and gapes behind her hands, for j tvliieli she apologises, saying that she was iup late last night. N Then Mr Carringtou apologises lor staying so Ion?, and hastily polling- «>u his Sieves says: '"Yon must pardon mc for not going sooner." And as tie clock strikes half-past ten: "I had no idea it was so late." ! "Oh, go home:" says Uncle Harry aud- j !b»y. And Annt Maria says: "Harry, Harry, • he really will heir you." And Uncle Harry remarks: "It he doesn't loaTc in two minutes I'm going to ask him if he can't stay to breakfast." Then Mr Carrington shakes hands with yonng Aunt Mathilda, who is too weak to ! rise, and picking up a Derby enens the door, j ' and when pxitting it on finds it isn't his j Derby, eomps heck with much laughter at i the expense of his and other persons' heads, j nnd singles out his owii. I But the door is hardly closed, and Uncle | Harry lias made some damaging remarks, i*• when there is a knock on the glass and a rinsing of the be!l. Ami youns Aunt Mathilda says: "Mother, j do net let Annie open the door- till I go Upstairs.' , And she calls from the landing: ! "I've jroue to bed.' - 1 i A minute later Mr Carrington annoonces i in a loud jocese voice, as if it was a great j 1 joke, that he forgot his umbrella, and sup- j - poses that next he'll forget his head. 1 Whereupon Uncle. Harry says: "The lat- j I ier would he a small loss." | And Aunt Maria says: "For goodness ! sake, don't speak so lond!" And as scon as the door closes on Mv ' Carriust.on. wKo sidles in hope of seeing ' y<rang Aunt Mathilda again. Uncle Harry ' ] calls to Annie to bolt the door and turn . out the hall light, and not to answer the J - bell agaiu under the penalty of beius tiis- j charged. "| And Aunt Maria, hoping that Mr Car- | riiiston has got t» the gate, says nothing, j and continues reading a book, which she wishes to finish before retiring. But TJncle Harry, through with his. con- ' ' tinues to interrupt her by saying. "What a j feol that mau Carrington is!" that someone ! ■ ought to call him aside and inform him i " when it is time to get up and go. |