MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 30, 4 February 1905, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"Ive been up with the sun .his week." "So have I; but i**'**! walked the floor with % i I have* been able to go toslM»* *^« "I think/ , declared the littk W^ of the widow to the mfflionajT 8 '* ~ was calling, "that you aft a rt* W and delightful man." "How makes you say so?" "Mamau to." ?&,h Tommy: "Ma, lend mc a Ww, Mother: "I just left ."J g» the parlour table for you. "What rt * want with a pencil?" Tommy. «r J* , to'write to the editor of the to ask him that'll take inkstaii?^ of the parlour carpet." . ■^ us OJJ Mrs De Playue: "When I married husband his eyesight; was verT'i* Mrs Dimples: "Yes, must hafcßy "You should sleep on yourrishf \i madam." "I really can't do- itSES* My husband talks in his ides ! 2JV can't hear a thing with my left Gus: "If you don't give it te-e» i once, I'll kiss you." Madge: **Aad«l? give it you, you will let mc alone!" Pi? "Certainly" Madge: "Well, have it." ■> . .-. ■ • "My face is my fortune, sir," ■],« "Well," he replied, "poverty. grace, but if s awfully inconvenWi times." . .v * His Mother :| "You see your grandni • very ill. Say something to him j> ji* Son: "Grandpa, would you Jike to W soldiers at your funeral?" ■ ' ■:}■,;. Justice: "Do you understand'th ture of an oath, little: girltoylM Girl: "It's something you say wienym hit your head against the mtuter A witty doctor, who was one of ft, corps of physicians appointed to vacdt. ate the policemen, remarked: "What » the use of vaccinating these Jftllows! They never catch anything." '~ She (ecstatically): "Oh, he' wroti i beautiful poem to mc. It began,' IWfco you would kaow why men" go njad,*-m look into your mirror.'" Hef" Best Girl Friend: "What nonsense! You're not v plain as thati" ■ r STUDYING ECONOMY.;/ "What's this?" exclaimed the "you» husband, referring to the membraßdim she had given liim. "One dozen eggs, |, pound of raisins, bottle of lemon eitract, a tin of ground in! half a pound of sugar. What dp jot want with all these things, Belinda!" "I've got a stale loaf," replied tfcejomi. wife, "that I'm going to save by: WoiUm it up into a bread pudding. I nettrkt anything go to waste, ilenry.";" ~ A VICTIM-OF EXPERIENCE. As the man with the camera begin ta adjust" the lens and direct it toward la small sitter, that young person set ttp a howl. In vain did his mother do In best to quiet him. Edward did not rot his picture taken. "Wby, my'chiU," she said, soothingly, "the gentlenu won't hurt you. Just smile and fep' still a moment, and it will be'illwe before you know it." "Yes, f I ' Idiot, mother," whispered fedward, with tl» tears running down Ms cheeks,- Tst that's what you told mc fct the i» ■tist's." ■ ••■.•• '■" ■.-'■■' • . NEVER DREAjyTT^OF , '•T^ I . ■'"'■■■■' One of our : most noted lawyen Te«!» ed, as usual, his washing bill. Hiriaj got so thoroughly accustomed to' ties through . long acquaintance wit! that peculiarities, . he rarely found'it «nj trouble to decipher them. But this ew completely nonplussed him, aiii r: th(i little item that did it was: "Wunirf six-to-skewering the stars!" •.''■■ Be pi* zied over the bill,' and wondered 'if'ft* feat had been successfully accomplwhei • and why it should be set down to■ hi*: score. He sent for the old lidy, M* politely asked' her to explain ;jflw»J* tery. She soon satisfied him. i- 8* meant it for "Scouring the staifi* THE ONLY WAY;"' •'/.■;. A woman made numerous • eille «p* a certain clergyman ,in company witi» man always in a state of extreme i* toxication. The purpose of this WIHM>'» visit was to .be married to therein, 0| course, the clergyman each time reft** / the request. '*■■';■''■', The last time the woman api*BWi»J usual leading in her drunken firtead, t^ , minister, in a tone of great imp«tie«« said: ' '-:- ;: -■■■■":' "My dear woman, why do fWfcltHJ* bring this man here to get married wie he is drunk?" \ ' v "Because I never can get hto:w««*J along when he's Bober," t» woman. ' ; v A SURE THING. ■ A Missouri farmer owed a B«|;hh«« fiamed Walt Perkins 25 dollars, *$, W owed the amount for years: '■'■■'''■■ ' t . One day he met Walt, and sei* W* ' be uneasy, Walt. I have the -fliiif •". fixed. WeU, Walt, if liff* next year I hope to raise a corn, and I intend to trade' corn for a yoke of oxen, and I nwf..■■ - old man in St. Charles County that »WJ an old mare, and he wants totatede** for a yoke of oxen. Now, raise the corn and get the oxen,'l WJ» make the trade for the~*ld »**' .y then I will bring her home e»4."WjJ , xmile colta Walt, the yetyw* - mule colt I sell y«i shall taw «* money." > ' . -■'■;.-■■■■•;'''.:'...-'

Mother: You careless your clothes! Have you ..beeniJW* football again ? ' £ - j.m Little Son: No, mother-; on!j:»l B T '■; ;■ ;■;■■,-