THE STORYTELLER.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXV, Issue 202, 24 August 1904, Page 9

THE STORYTELLER.

MARK AND THE SMART YOTJNG MEN. Mark Twain and \V. D. Howells were cue tiny lunching in a rate. Two overdressed young men entered, and ihe first said in .1 K'ud voice: '•Waiter, bring mc some bisque of lobster, a Lottie of white wine, and a chop. Just mention my name to the cook, too. s,o tliat everything will be done t> my. liking.'" The second young man said: '•Bring mc some sole with peas, and tell the*cook who it's for." Air Twain gavp his order a moment later. He »itli :i wink at lus companion: . "Brina- mc a hali-dozen oysters, and mention my name to each of them."'

STAGE STORIES. In -Behind the. Footlights. -, recently published in London. Mrs Alec Tweedie chats pleasantly and vivaciously about the numerous famous players and playwrights she has met. One of the most interesting of chapters contains an interview with Ibsen. Here is an excerpt '"On tlie table beside tho inkstand was a small tray. Us contents were extraordinary — some little wooden carved Pwiss bears, a diminutive black devil, -mall cat? doss, and rabbits made of copper, one of "which wa» playing a violiii -What are those funny little things*' 1 ventured to ask. "I never write a single line of any of my dramas unless that'tray and its occupants are before mc on the table. I could not write without them. It may seem strange—perhaps it is—but I CHflnot write Without them/ he repeated. Why, I use them i* my own secret.' And lie laughed quietly/ "Mdnic. Sarah 'Bernhardt.' writes Mrs Tweedie. "is an extraordinary, woman. A young artist of my acquaintance did much work for her at one time. He deigned dresses, and painted the Egyptian. Assyrian, and other trim- , mines. She was always most grateful ' and generou-. Money seemed valueless to her: she dived her hand into a bag of gold, and holding it out bid him take . what would repay him for his trouble. ! He was a true artist, and his gifts apI pealed to her. 'More, more,' she often exclaimed. 'You have not reimbursed yourself sufficiently—you have only I taken working pay and allowed nothing ] j for your talent. It is the talent I wish ■ Ito pay for.' And she did." THE MODEST BATHING SUIT. Once upon a time there was a Bathing Suit which differed from all its associates, for it was modest. Tt waa much distressed at being so much talked about and caricatured in the papers. It had figured id the seashore scene m a spectacular play. But, as I say, its mortification was extreme that it was obliced to bear sudi undesirable publicity." No one would believe that a retiring disposition could belong to a bathing suit, and it was merely laughed at for its attempted vindication of its character. I But after thinking for a very long _ '! time on a possible course of action, it '• remembered that everyone called the % ' I violet modest, and determined to go . '! and ask the little flower what it did to '! pet up such au international reputa- ' i tion. So the Bathing Suit came to the ( ' Violet and asked it the momentous ■ j question. ''What do you do to make , people all call you modest*" ' The Violet dropped her pretty head, and softly answered, "I shrink!" So the Bathing Suit went away and 1 bean to shrink, and the more it shrank : the more it got itself talked about, until at last there was an unbearable scandal. . . .

Which goes to show Lhat what is pttv* inently proper and respectable for one person to do is often poor taste for another.—'"Puck."' SPENCER SUCCEEDED. A true story of Herbert Spencer— none the worse, perhaps, for being a little belated. He once, won a curious wager. He was staying for a fishing holiday in the house" of Sir Franci? Powell, the. president of the Scottish Academy, and, while anglinjr for trout, he happeued to drop his eye-glasses into a (ieep pool of the river. In the evening he related his misadventure to Mis host and the guests, and said tha.t he was prepared to bet that he would recover the pince-nez from the bottom of the pool. His friends declared that this ,vas ;m iinpo.-siblc feat, but Herbert Spencer still offered to make the bet. His challenge vis accepted by one of tho visitors. Upon the following evening Spencer returned to the house with the missin" eye-glasses. He had fastened a strong magnet on the end of his fishingline, and fished for the glasses until it came into contact with their steel rims. WO TINNED DEVTX* There is an amusing story about pn nld-time Sonth Sea trader. Ho had been in tile habit of carrying all sorts of tinned meat?, which the natives bought, irirli avidity. Each tin was branded wirli a coloured picture, cow for beef, ! a sheep for mutton, and a fish for snv--1 dines. If happened that rlie firm tt'io furnished the mutton thought it a good plan to change iheir labels, r.hat th?ir goods might be more cTistinguishied from others. Tho mark cho-en was [a red dragon. The natives, came to i.he ship to trade mk usual. The new iirM were *hnwn thoin, but they recoiled wiiii horror and gave the trader 1o understand that tht'y had had some religions instruction, and they were nol to he deluded into eating tinned devil. Tho trader was forced to cat. his stock of mutton himself, for /not a native could ibe persuaded to touch the dreaded thill 2T.

REAZXY OBLIGING. A firm UT'ilp in n furnituTP denier wha DWi'd them nsonrj : — '"Dear Sir.—-Will you be kind enough 1o Wr- Ihe amount r»f your bill?— Your? truly."' To this tho firm received the followin;* reply: — '"Gentlemen. —Your request is granted with pleasure. The amount of my bill is one hundred and twenty pounds. —Yours truly."