THE COLLAPSE OF THE BARBER.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 179, 29 July 1903, Page 9 (Supplement)

THE COLLAPSE OF THE BARBER.

As it sometimes happens, the barber was disposed to talkativeness, the patient to silence. After several fruitless attempts to extract more than a grunt or two from the one in his care, the tonsorial artist made a final effort to arouse the man's conversational powers, Patting the top of his head, he ventured the remark: "Der hair on der top, sir, it L? a bit thinning out—yes." "Yes." "Of der tonic, den, a lcctle—eh?" "No." After another long pause: "Have it been bald long?" The man smiled wearily. Then, after taking a long breath of preparation for his effort, he replied: "I came into the world that way. Then I had an interval of comparative hirsute luxuriance, but it was not enduring. I have long since emerged from the grief of deprivation. It no longer afflicts me. Do not permit it to weigh upon, you." The German pondered over this for a while without, however, appearing to apprehend the meaning of the man's words. "Der hair id look petter, sir,, if berhaps you keeb id long in der back like," he suggested, after another period of silence. The man removed his gaze from the floor, fastened it upon the ceiling, deared his throat again, and spoke once more. "Let me assure you, my tonsorial friend," said he, "that the appearance of my hair as I have been accustomed to dress it is very satisfactory to myself, and, perhaps I might also say, to my friends. What little hair still adorns my head I have possessed for a long time. I know it well. I have been on familiar terms with it for many years. I have inadvertently mingled treacle and home-made toffee with it in my years of extreme youth. I have often sundried it in order to present a proper non-guilty appearance at home after surreptitious swimming expeditions. I have had it pulled the wrong way by boys,whom I learned to lick afterwards. At the same period of my life I even endured the ignominy of having it cut— in ascending tiers —by , experimental maiden aunts. The consequence of all this is that that bit of remaining hair and I are old and, I trust, inseparable friends. I indulge the hair, and the hair indulges me. The hair indulges me

by permitting me to Avear it after my OAvn conception of the Avay it ought to be Avorn, and I indulge the hair by firmly declining to have iL trifled with by gentlemen of the scissors who possess artistic idea-s mora bizarre than my own. Please indulge us both—the hair and me. Cut it the vray I directed you to cut it.- - ' The barber collapsed.