HOW TO MAKE A LOVER MORE ATTENTIVE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 99, 27 April 1903, Page 2

HOW TO MAKE A LOVER MORE ATTENTIVE.

The age of chivalry is past. This is evident in many ways. Especially is it to be observed in the attitude of lovers in the present day. Time was when a betrothed lover was even more devoted in his courting than the one whose fate still hung in the balance; but the fin.de eiecle young man too often thinks that when once a girl has said "yes" he mayrelax all his attentions towards her. /.

He begins to treat her with a carelessness that is mortifying, to say the least. He makes appointments, and if lie does not always keep them, seems to think it enough to mention casually that business kept him. , ■ " He does not always show the alacrity he might in taking her out when she wants to go. In society he seems to feel as much pleasure in other girls' company as in hers; and when she writes to him he leaves her letters unanswered, or does not write for a long, long time. Now, if the girl who is engaged to him really cares for him, it goes without saying that this style of conduct both grieves and hurts her. She feels sure that his love for her is going; she torments herself with wondering what she can possibly have done to make him change so in his feelings towards her, and she spends many a miserable hour in doubts and fears and questionings. Sometimes her patience gives way; she upbraids him with his neglect, and unkindness; often there are hard words on both sides, a quarrel, a parting. Yet, all the time, he would be surprised if anyone suspected him of not caring for the girl he hopes to make his wife. He considers himself very fond of her, he has chosen her out of all the other girls of his acquaintance to spend his life with; but the fact is, he is a somewhat selfish person, your twentieth century lover, and disinclined to put himself out in any way, or give himself trouble, even for the sake of the woman he loves.

It seems as if a good deal of the blame for this rests on, tlae woman. Where women show men what treatment they expect, men are always ready to' shape themselves to it. The lack: of politeness in men towards women, which is so bitterly complained of, has its rise only in the way in which women have let men see that they no longer expect or care for the civilities which used to be paid them as their right. What, then, must the fiancee do to bring about a better state of things? She should begin by showing her lover that she expects attention and consideration. She should take his devotion as a matter of course, and let him see that she counts upon it, and would be amazed to find it fail. She should never be exigent,, never demand too much, or grudge him his attention to business, or even his continuance of pleasures that she cannot share. But she should take it for granted that if he loves her he will want as much of her society as he can get, and will seek to please her in a thousand little ways. This can be impressed on him so quietly and gently that it will have the effect of a natural sentiment on his own part, not one that has been suggested to him by her. She should keep, all through her engagement, the indefinable air of uncertainty that will enhance her charm a thousand times in a man's eyes. She should not coquet, or be perverse, ■or disgust him by her coldness and variableness. But every woman's instinct will show her how to let a man feel that though she loves him she does not giyo him her whole love without reserve, till he is her husband. Man is so constituted that difficulty of winning, and uncertainty of success, only makes a tlAng more valuable- in his eyes.